


Wild and Fluorescent

by Vlindervin



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Canon Trans Character, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, friendship rights, it's my first slow burn!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vlindervin/pseuds/Vlindervin
Summary: ‘A falling star. Do we get to make a wish now?’David looks at him in confusion. ‘It’s just a star.’‘It’s a muggle thing, something my mom used to tell me. When you see a falling star you get to make a wish and it’ll come true.’‘You think that’s a real thing?’***Or, a Davenzi Hogwarts au.
Relationships: (side), Jonas Augustin/Hanna Jung, Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck), amira thalia mahmoud/ Mohammed razzouk (side)
Comments: 138
Kudos: 209





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you follow me on tumblr you might have known this was coming, and if you don't then hi ! This is a druck hogwarts au I've been working on for a while. I have four and a half chapters written and I'm hoping to get one out every week. I do have exams next month, so I make no promises, but I'll try.  
> The sorting of the characters has a bit to do with my own headcanons for them, but also the general dynamics i was going for in this fic, so i understand if you don't agree. Thanks to anyone who gave their opinion on it when I asked.  
> Thinks that's it! Enjoy

‘Mr. Florenzi? _Mr. Florenzi!’_

Matteo is snapped out of his revery by Jonas shoving his elbow into his side. His Charms teacher is staring at him from the front of the class, eyebrows raised and waiting for an answer with a look on her face that tells him she’s disappointed, while being used to this at the same time. 

‘Yes?’ 

The professor sighs. ‘Can you answer the question?’

He hates when teachers do this. He obviously can’t, and she knows it, so why would she make sure everyone else knows it, too. He hates that it’s somehow expected of him to be 100% present all the time, to be paying attention for hours on end, to be thinking all day long. It’s not even that he doesn’t care about his classes, because most of them he finds genuinely interesting, it’s just that sometimes he can’t sleep at night, or he has a bad day, or his mother sends him another letter and his father doesn’t and then he zones out.

He thinks if he were a teacher he’d let his students be, but then again sometimes it feels as if he’s the only one that feels this way, like everyone else manages to go through life tethered to it, instead of floating somewhere up above. 

‘Uh…’, he takes too long to answer and the professor sighs and turns her attention to the rest of the class. ‘Anyone know the answer to this? Yes, Mr. Schreibner?’

Matteo can’t stop his eyes from rolling at the sound of _David Schreibner’s_ voice, because of course. 

Why does he sound so happy with himself? Matteo knew this, too, if only he’d heard the question. He looks over at him and the self-satisfied little smirk on his face is making Matteo lose his mind. God, he hates that guy, walking through life like he’s so much smarter than everyone else, so much smarter than Matteo. _Well_ , Matteo thinks, _most people are, you’re not special._

‘Very good. Ten points to Slytherin.’

David catches Matteo looking and frowns before looking away from him, pushing a hand through his hair, annoying Matteo even more for reasons he himself can’t explain. 

‘Mr. Florenzi, stop staring at your fellow students, and focus. God knows your grades need it.’

Matteo flushes and just before turning to face the front, he has time to see David look -- embarrassed? The professor didn’t even say his name, and he doesn’t have a best friend looking at him out of the corner of their eye in concern at the mention of his bad grades, either.

Matteo slumps down on his chair. He wishes he’d stayed in bed.

***

Autumn came early this year. They’re only three weeks into september and most of the trees around Hogwarts have already painted their leaves red and orange and dark yellow, turning the entire territory into a fairytale. Matteo loves walking around and seeing the leaves raining down around him. The magic of Hogwarts always feels a little bit stronger in those moments. 

Right now, though, rain is slowly starting to fall against the large windows in the hufflepuff common room and Matteo watches a drop slide all the way down, while his friends are talking around him. He’s sitting on the most comfortable loveseat they have, sprawled all over it. Hanna is sitting with her back against the large couch opposite Matteo, with Jonas between her legs resting his head on her chest and looking as content as a cat soaking up the sun. Hanna quietly whispers something in Jonas’ ear that makes him open his eyes and look at her like she really is the sun, while letting out a little laugh. 

And, truly, Matteo loves seeing his friends so happy and in love and at peace. He really does. He _does_. 

But seeing them cuddled up like that makes him painfully aware that the only warmth he’s soaking up comes from the fireplace burning in the corner. He doesn’t mind being alone, he’s not even ready to let the world know he’s gay, to put that out there, but sometimes he wishes he were a bit less lonely, sometimes he wishes he had someone to hold in his arms or to be held by. He grabs a cushion from the ground and presses it against his chest. It’s a poor substitute, but it’s the best he can do right now. 

He’s semi-consciously following the conversation happening before him, while at the same time contemplating whether he can go to bed already if it’s not even nine. He’s just really tired. The beginning of a school year always has that effect on him; the adjusting, and sudden piles of work and social pressure he needs to learn to deal with all over again. 

He doesn’t really want to admit it, but he kind of feels unnecessary in this situation. 

Hanna saying his name pulls his gaze away from the window.

‘Hm?’ 

‘You okay?’, she asks, more kindness in her eyes than Matteo can comprehend.

‘Just tired.’ Which is not a lie. 

She nods like it makes total sense, which Matteo supposes it does. She’s known him for a long time, now.

‘Hey uh, what did the Charms professor mean earlier?’, Jonas speaks up then, clearly trying to go for a casual tone and failing. ‘What she said about your grades?’

Somewhere inside, there _is_ a part of him that appreciates his friends’ concern -- it acts up during the months of summer when he’s deprived of it and misses his friends, after all -- but he’s finding it very hard to locate that part right now and active it. The problem is just that when his friends are concerned about him, that means they want him to talk to them about what’s wrong, and he decidedly does not want to do that. Firstly because the list of things that are wrong with him is too long to list at this time in the evening, and also because most of the items on it are things he wants to forget and not deal with. The fact that he’s sitting down here going on a tortured inner monologue, while there’s a letter waiting for him in the owlery, is just one item on the list. 

He shrugs. ‘I’m not even failing. My last test just went wrong, but she always makes a big deal of anything less than an O.’

‘Oh, you know who’s _great_ at Charms? David! He’d be happy to help you if you asked’, Hanna suggest.

‘David Schreibner, oh hell no.’ 

Hanna rolls her eyes a little bit, but her smile doesn’t falter. ‘Ah right, forgot about that little grudge you have against him.’ 

‘Seriously, guys, I’ll be fine.’ 

Jonas nods. He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but Matteo’s pretty sure he won’t push it. 

He knows what Jonas is thinking of. The dark patches Matteo’s gone through over the years that come and go as they so please, that make him almost entirely unable to do school work and that are often the reason why his final grades aren’t as good as they should be. Jonas is subtly asking him if this is one of those moods, especially considering what a shit summer he had. 

It isn’t, though. This is just a regular bad mood. He wouldn’t say he’s fine, but he’s okay at the very least. 

‘Seriously, don’t worry.’ 

‘Ah, Luigi, you know I’ll always worry about you, you’re my best friend.’

‘I know you can’t help it. Your mother hen instincts are just too strong to contain.’ 

Hanna laughs and Matteo smiles at her, while Jonas pretends to roll his eyes. Really, Matteo loves his friends. 

‘I think I’m gonna head to bed, though. I’m pretty tired.’ 

Jonas pouts. ‘Already? It’s not even curfew yet.’

‘Don’t pretend you’re not happy to be left alone with your girlfriend. I’m tired of having to see you two all cuddled up and happy and shit. It’s disgusting’, he says, getting up from his seat. 

‘We’ll see how you are when you get a girlfriend. Bet you’ll be even worse than us.’

Hanna frowns at Jonas’ words, and Matteo tries to hide the way his chest seems to constrict. ‘He wasn’t very sappy when he was with Sara, though, right?’

Jonas scrunches his nose. ‘Yeah, but that wasn’t anything serious, at least not for Matteo, right?’, he says, asking Matteo to affirm or deny. Matteo just shrugs. Obviously it wasn’t. ‘No, no, believe me, when Luigi falls in love you’ll notice.’ 

Matteo snorts. ‘Does Luigi have anything to say here, or…?’

‘No need for your input. Don’t you know I know you better than you know yourself?’ 

Matteo humms. ‘If that’s what you want to believe.’ 

‘Let’s talk about this when you find your person, yeah. You’ll see I’m right.’

‘Ooookay, I’m going to bed.’ 

He kind of waves at Jonas and Hanna, not bothering to do anything else while they’re all the way on the ground. ‘Goodnight, Matteo’, Hanna softly says, and Matteo smiles. 

‘Goodnight.’

Back in his room, he realizes that he actually doesn’t really want to sleep. Yes, he is tired, but he’s not really feeling up to being alone with his thoughts right now. Mohammed and Abdi are both laying on their beds, Abdi doing what seems like some last minute homework and Mohammed reading. 

‘Anyone up for some exploding snaps?’ 

It takes his mind off things, the game easy enough to play when tired, but demanding enough of his attention to keep him occupied and distracted. They play a couple games until Matteo’s just tired enough to fall asleep right away once he’s in bed, which is all he wants right now. 

It’s an easy night, but still morning comes too quickly, just like it always does. 

***

The boys are having a conversation around, but Matteo couldn’t tell you what it is about if you payed him, because he is not paying attention. What had started as a general observation of the great hall during breakfast, getting used to the view of the new first years and how some of them were still awkward around their classmates, while others have already made fast friends and are laughing like they’ve known each other for years, had unconsciously turned into the observation of one specific part of the Great Hall.

Because, entirely the other side of the hall, sitting at a table with Leonie and Sara, David is busy turning a piece of paper into three, bright blue birds that flutter around Sara’s head, and on his side of the great hall, Matteo is rolling his eyes at him. He’s not being as subtle as intended, because all the boys, save for Abdi who is still looking at Sam with something akin to heart eyes, turn to him. 

‘What?’, he asks them, defence and already annoyed with whatever comment they’re going to make. 

‘What’s wrong?’, Jonas asks, eyebrows raised.

Carlos throws an arm around Matteo’s shoulder and claps him on the back. ‘He was watching David again. Apparently cool magic pisses Luigi off, too, now.’

The others boys nod as if that explanation suffices, which it probably does, as Matteo doesn’t really hide his distaste for David ever. He doesn’t care who knows. Not that many people pay attention to him in the first place, which is exactly the way he likes it. 

‘It’s not _cool magic_ that pisses me off, it’s the fact that he always needs to show off wherever he is.’

‘Why do you hate him, anyway? I never understood that?’, Abdi asks, finally turning away from Sam. 

To be fair, Matteo can’t remember when or how it started, except that one day, that’s just how things were. ‘He started it!’

The boys just look at him as if they’re expecting more. 

‘Well, he’s friends with Sara and Leonie, for one. I feel like it’s a prerequisite to hate me if you want to be friends with them.’ 

Jonas frowns. ‘That’s not really how friendship works, Matteo.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s not just that. He just acts like he’s so much better than me and everyone else and -- and, I don’t know! He’s just annoying, leave me alone.’ 

Turning away from his conversation with Essam, Mohammed faces Matteo, too. Amazing, another person to analyze his behaviour. ‘You know, Amira says he’s actually a great guy.’

And if Amira says something, then it must be true. Sure, Matteo thinks Amira is awesome, too, just like everyone should, but he also isn’t head over heels for her and _is_ able to think clearly. ‘Yeah, okay, but I’m not in love with Amira, so I don’t really care.’

Mohammed smiles a bit embarrassed at that, hands going up to touch his bouncy curls, but he doesn’t deny it. He’s been infatuated with her for two years and they all know it, there’s no use trying to convince them otherwise. 

‘No’, Carlos pushes, ‘you’re in love with David.’

Matteo whips his head around so fast he thinks it might fly off. ‘Heh, I’m not in love with him!’

Carlos holds up his hands. ‘Digga, it’s a joke. I just think it’s funny how you’re obsessed with him for no reason.’ 

‘I’m not obsessed with him!’ Matteo is so done with this conversation. Who needs friends anyway? All his are good for is managing to piss him off five times a day. 

Abdi is pointing at Carlos enthusiastically, ready to jump out of his seat from excitement. ‘Yeah, yeah, it’s like those stories where two people are like, obsessed with each other and they say they hate each other and shit, but then in the end they end up falling in love! Dude’, he laughs, looking at Matteo now, ‘that’s totally what it sounds like.’

Matteo is squinting at Abdi’s explanation, baffled at the stupidity and a little bit paranoid at the fact that he just suggested Matteo might be in love with a boy. ‘That’s so far from what’s happening right now. Can’t you just dislike someone without consequences these days?’

‘I mean’, Jonas decides to put in his own two cents, and judging by the stupid grin on his face, Matteo can predict he’s not going to like whatever’s about to come out of his mouth. ‘Sure, you can, except you don’t really have a reason, Luigi. Wouldn’t be surprised if you two started hate fucking each other right here, to be honest.’ 

There are so many things wrong with that statement, Matteo doesn’t know where to start. He genuinely wishes they’d stopped talking about him like that before it really gets to be too much. 

He’s counting on that teenage heteronormativity to divert the conversation, but that ends up backfiring. ‘Did you forget we’re both boys, or....?’

At his words, Jonas frowns at him, shaking his head in confusion.

‘Gay people exist, Matteo’, Abdi interjects as if Matteo is not too aware of this fact.

‘Yeah, do you like, have a problem with gay dudes, or something, because not cool’, Carlos says, also making it his life mission to make Matteo as uncomfortable as can be. He can’t even appreciate his friends’ support of gay people, the urge to sink into the floor too strong. 

‘What?’, Matteo answers, ‘No! I don’t have a problem with gay people! I just don’t understand why I can’t just dislike David in peace. You’re the ones obsessed with _me,_ I wasn’t even talking about him.’ 

Jonas, sensing Matteo’s exasperation, holds up his hands. ‘Okay, okay, we’ll shut up about it. Okay, boys?’, he asks Abdi and Carlos, Mohammed’s focus long back on whatever Essam is still saying. At their simultaneous nods, he nods, too and lets his hands drop. ‘Good, so who finished the Transfiguration homework?’ 

He takes one last look at Matteo, a bit concerned and a bit questioning, to which Matteo does not respond. He gives him a smile, though, forever grateful for Jonas’ ability to sense when he’s feeling overwhelmed and needs an out. 

The boys start violently discussing the homework, with the same passion and fire as they discussed Matteo, and maybe it feels like he can breathe again. 

***

The owl finds him on his way to the quidditch pitch. It’s the first game of the season, Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw, and the only reason Matteo is going, is to show his friends support. 

He’s walking next to Abdi who’s chattering away about the upcoming game, spouting facts and stats and predictions, which Matteo is convinced he’s making up on the spot. The season starts today, how can he already have this much information on how it’s going to go, what each outcome will mean for the rest of the school year, what each team’s chances are? 

If he’s this excited over this particular game, Matteo is dreading the day Hufflepuff plays, the combination of Abdi’s phanatic love for Quidditch and passionate house pride resulting in something that makes Matteo tired just imagining it. 

Abdi doesn’t stop his talking when the owl lands on Matteo’s shoulder, simply looks at it briefly. Matteo’s seen this owl many times over the past years, but it’s never found him at school and he’s a little bit surprised, but mostly curious what it could be doing here. 

He unties the letter stuck from her paw talon and ruffles her feathers once, before turning away, expecting her to just fly off once her job is done. Of course she doesn’t, just keeps sitting there, nudging his face and gently picking at his hair. Sighing, he pats his pockets to see if he has some owl treats left, and sure enough, when he hands them over, she kindly nips at his finger before flying away. 

Truly her father’s daughter. 

_My sweet butterfly,_ the letter starts and Matteo feels himself smiling involuntarily at the nickname and the fact that the entire letter has been written in glittery purple gel pen, just now realizing how much he misses Hans’ bright presence around the common room. 

_I hope your year has started off well! Mine certainly has. The internship I’m following is very boring as expected, but at least the people are fun. You should come out with us during your holidays sometime! I’ll tell them not to get too crazy as we’d have a baby in our midst, but you’d have so much fun._

_I do miss your grumpy, little face. It’s just not the same hugging someone who doesn’t pretend to be annoyed. I know you always loved my hugs, that’s why I never stopped doing it. You’re a lot of things, but a good liar is not one of them, butterfly._

_Anyway, I hope I haven’t been replaced by a dull head boy who never has fun, because if I have, I’m going to need you to charm his badge to say something funny, okay? Don’t let my legacy be forgotten._

_I’m sure you miss me too, and that’s why you haven’t written me. I better hear from you soon, though, or else I’ll just have to be obliged to fly all the way back to Hogwarts to see how my protegé is doing in person._

_Linn sends her love and wants you to know I’m looking fabulous in my date outfit for tonight. Well, that last part is really just me, but she does send her love!_

_Write to me!_

_XXX_

_Your gay guru_

Matteo snorts out a laugh once he gets to the end, amused at Hans’ dramatics and the obvious care he put in the letter. He’s so glad Hans never stopped hugging him and saw right through him. 

Accepting affection without fighting back at least a little bit, hiding the way he craves the loving touch, his vulnerability in the face of someone showing him genuine love, is something he does not know how to do very well. 

He hates to admit it, but he’s lucky his friends always seem to see right through his attempts. 

He never expected Hans to send him letters, though, never thought he cared about Matteo _that much_. He feels it in his chest, the warm feeling spreading all over his body at the thought of being thought of. 

He’ll have to answer him once they get back to the castle. If he can’t answer his mom, the least he can do is try maintaining one of the other meaningful relationships in his life. 

‘Who’s sending you letters?’, Abdi asks, wiggling his eyebrows like an idiot. ‘A summer fling? Secret girlfriend?’

Matteo rolls his eyes, but he’s still feeling so much love for his friends at the moment, that it comes out more fond than anything else. ‘Shut up. It’s Hans.’

‘He’s sending you letters now? That’s cute.’

Matteo makes an affirmative noise. 

‘You know, I never really understood how you two became so close, it’s like it just happened overnight.’ 

Matteo shrugs. ‘I don’t know. We just got to talking one night and then he wouldn’t leave me alone.’ 

‘I like him. He’s funny.’

‘A bit ridiculous, but yeah.’ 

Abdi seems to be satisfied with that response, and resumes his Quidditch rambling. 

It’s true that he and Hans got to talking one night, but there’s more to it than that, things he’s not ready to tell Abdi about. 

Fifth year and Matteo was feeling worse than he maybe ever had. He’d just gotten back to Hogwarts after the summer and those two months at home had driven him into a dark spot, deeper than his mind had ever let him go. He barely slept the first three weeks of the year, getting through the nights by smoking and trying to drown out his thoughts. 

It was one of those nights Hans, in his last year and as head boy, had found him around midnight. He’d started to scold him for smoking in the common room as the smell stayed for days after and if a teacher found out, he’d be held accountable. Matteo hadn’t had the energy to do much beside putting his joint out in the fireplace and nodding along to what Hans was saying. 

Something must have shown on his face, though, because Hans stopped his speech in the middle of a sentence, getting closer to where Matteo was sitting on the couch and asking him, ‘Are you alright?’, with genuine concern in his eyes. 

His dad was out of the house most of the time that year, until he eventually went and never came back, and his mom was doing too bad herself to have the capacity to notice Matteo not doing well at all. 

He’d been good at hiding his feelings back then, because most of his friends had just assumed he was tired and a bit more quiet than usual, but none of them had _seen_ him like Hans had. Or maybe they had, but just didn’t ask him about it so directly. Matteo isn’t sure. 

He thinks it’s the combination of the weed in his system and the need to let it all out one way or another, that led him to answering Hans’ question with a shake of his head. The second Hans had sat down next to him and put his arm around his shoulder, something in Matteo’s chest had snapped and the night had ended with Matteo in tears, and Hans knowing about his home life and sexuality.

The next day Hans had sat next to him at breakfast and asked him if he was feeling better. The silent support he showed wrapped around Matteo keeping him in warm. 

Matteo’s never once regretted him, not even when he pretended to be annoyed every time Hans asked him if there were any boys he liked, or asked him for his opinion on his dates, hugged him randomly at all times. Not even the one time one of the Gryffindor boys had jokingly asked him why he always hung around with that gay guy, before Jonas quickly shut him down. 

Yeah, he really should reply once the game is over. 

***

If there’s one thing Matteo hates having to do in class, it’s dueling. It’s not the concept on its own that he hates, because he knows it’s a useful skill to have. Sometimes, when he’s practicing with someone he’s comfortable with and trusts, he might even go as far as saying he likes it. It’s just that most of the time that’s not the case and ends up with a headache and drained.

He doesn’t like how fast it all goes, the spells and the thinking and the reflexes. He’s never been able to react to things as fast as some other people, and his instinct isn’t very useful when it comes to spells. More than that, it’s not only fast, it’s violent, too, and harsh. Putting himself in a position of confrontation, is the last thing he’d do on purpose, and it’s the entire point of dueling. 

He’s pretty okay at defence and that usually saves him some time, until one of them wins. It’s the offence that he has trouble with. 

But of course, because the universe hates him surely, that’s exactly what they’ll be doing today. They’ve been practicing certain spells for a few lessons now, and it’s time to put them into practice. 

The classroom is set up in some sort of circle, all the tables and chairs pushed back and the middle of the room free for use. The professor assigned them a random number when they walked into the classroom, dividing them into two groups If Matteo is getting this right, two people of opposite groups are supposed to meet in the middle and duel for the time it takes for one of the two to lose their wands and it’s over. Whoever wins gets five extra house points.

Doing it like this instead of letting them run free, allows everyone to participate and not just the few ones that always do, which is something Matteo’s teachers are always very adamant about. How else will they ever learn? 

The rules are simple: nothing permanent, nothing painful. 

So, here he is on the right side of the room, desperately hoping he’ll get paired with Jonas by divine intervention. And even though she’d destroy him, even Amira would be okay. She’d be cool about it at least, and maybe even go gentle on him. Really he’d like to go against Abdi if it were possible, but they’ve been sorted into the same groups, sadly. 

The first people have their turn and it’s over pretty fast, one of the two being obviously stronger. The second pair takes a bit longer, pretty equal in the matter. The third one is a blur and so is the fourth one, the movements and quick reactions making Matteo dizzy enough to stop paying too close attention. 

This is also the reason that when the fifth pair is doing their thing, it takes too long for Matteo to notice he’s the one who’s supposed to follow them, and even worse, that on the other side of the room, David Schreibner is also waiting, looking way more alert than Matteo does. He looks proud and tall, like someone who’s _meant_ to be dueling in a minute. 

He can’t do this, not now, when he’s already tired. He knows David’s on the Quidditch team as a Chaser and so when it comes to quick reflexes, he should have no problem keeping up and _destroying_ Matteo in the process. Like he needs another reason to feel superior and smug. 

He’s just turning around to ask the person behind him if they want to switch places with him, but then the other pair is done and they’re rejoining the sidelines and his professor is calling his name and really, he has no choice anymore.

He walks to the middle of the classroom, gulping and more nervous than he was to begin with. David is doing the same, except he looks calm and collected, holding his wand so elegantly, like it’s just an extension of his arm. Matteo always feels very aware of his, no matter what he’s doing. He supposes it must have something to do with growing up in a magic-filled environment since birth. 

Most groups had smiled and nodded before starting, but they’re not doing either of those things. David is just looking at Matteo with something powerful in his eyes, and Matteo wouldn’t have any desire to smile at him, anyway, even if he felt more relaxed. 

‘Are you two ready?’, the professor asks. 

Maybe he has little chance of actually winning, but hell if he’ll go done without a fight. He’s not about to prove David right, not about to let him just walk off with his victory without having to work for it, without proving that he can, in fact, hold his own okay enough. 

David nods, Matteo doesn’t, and then she’s counting down and then Matteo is in the middle of a duel. 

David attacks immediately, which Matteo had been expecting and so he can block that one pretty easily, blowing David a few steps back, just long enough to try getting a spell of his own in. David isn’t letting him, though, and it backfires, knocking Matteo back a few steps. It goes like that for a good five minutes, surprisingly longer than most pairs had lasted. Turns out spite and bitterness area good fuel. 

On equal footing, giving as good as they’re getting, Matteo is getting a bit tired of this. He doesn’t think he can keep this up much longer, his head already starting to hurt and his vision blurring around the edges when making sudden movements. He’s _not_ giving up, though. If David wants this victory he’ll have to work a little bit harder for it. 

Matteo grips his wand tighter in his hand and quickly brings, biting his lip in concentration, while firing off another spell David’s way. Unexpectedly, David just stands there and seems to forget to block right until the last moments, which makes the spell hit the defence more strongly, making David falter and stumble backwards. Matteo’s been close to falling over more than once this duel, but David has always stood strong on his feet, so stable like nothing could knock him down. Matteo has no idea what caused his sudden lapse in defence, but when David straightens up again he seems even more determined than he was before. And already tired, Matteo has no ammunition to an even stronger David. 

The duel is over quickly after that, two well-timed offence spells on David’s part and Matteo blocking a little too slowly and there his wand goes flying into David’s hand. 

Matteo had expected David to look victorious and smug, but instead he’s just standing there like he’s stopped functioning. The wands are held tight in his hand and his hair is tousled from where it had been bouncing so distractedly during the fight. His cheeks are even rosier than they usually are and he’s breathing heavily. A part of Matteo is glad to see that it had taken energy out of David, too, that he’s not the only one needing to lie down, but most of him is just supremely pissed off.

He doesn’t even really know why, as he’d predicted he wouldn’t win this anyway, it’s not a _surprise_ , but there’s just something about David standing there, still looking graceful and strong despite his clear exhaustion, still holding _his wand_ , that is making Matteo way more worked up than is acceptable. 

‘Five points to Slytherin. You did great, too, though, herr Florenzi. You’re really improving’, the professor compliments, but Matteo can barely hear her. David’s eyes are _so brown_ and he’s still just looking at him and it’s making Matteo’s skin crawl. He can feel the heat where David’s eyes are and he wants it to stop. 

‘Can I have my wand back?’, he asks, maybe a bit too harshly, but he really just doesn’t want to be here right now. 

It seems to shake David out of whatever spell he was stuck in. ‘Uh, yeah, of course, here.’ 

Matteo snatches it back.

‘Good duel’, David says, having regained some of his usual energy and confidence. 

Matteo doesn’t answer, but turns to the teacher instead: ‘Can I go to the bathroom?’ 

‘Sure, you’re done here.’

He picks up his bag in the corner of the class and heads for his dormitory. _God,_ he hates that guy. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, welcome back! While I really like some parts of this chapter, I also didn't write the scenes in the order in which they appear, and I'm not sure if it shows as this isn't beta read. I tried to make it seem natural, but if there's some stuff that feels weird, pls let me know so I can try to fix it!  
> Enjoy!

The owlery is windy as it always is. Matteo pulls his scarf tighter around his neck, burrowing his nose in it for a second before continuing his search for Zelda. He eventually finds her hiding in one of the little nooks, ruffling her feathers. She’s a brown owl he’d gotten when he went to Diagon Alley with his dad for the first and last time. He remembers her perching at the back of the store, away from most of the others. Matteo had seen her sitting there all alone and she’d looked at him as if daring him to come any closer, to pick her out between all the other friendlier-looking animals, and he knew she was the one he wanted. He’s never regretted it. She’s a little bit of an asshole and sometimes Matteo gets the feeling she doesn’t like him at all, but then she’ll gently nip his fingers when he comes to visit her and he falls in love all over again. 

He feeds her one of the treats he brought her, barely feeling the nip of her beak on his fingers. He knows she doesn’t mean to hurt him. He unravels the paper put around her leg, seeing Mama’s careful handwriting, always filled with so much love and time. He looks at it for a second, before deciding to stash it away in his pocket to be opened later, hopefully when he can bury himself in the warm comfort of his blankets.

The letter even smells a bit like her flowery perfume. The one she always wore when he was a kid, every day without fail, until one day she didn’t anymore. He didn’t realize how much he missed it. 

He’s ready to walk out, caressing Zelda’s feathers once more before leaving, when he notices David Schreibner on the other side of the owlery, quietly talking to a black owl and smiling at it like it’s a precious thing. Matteo never noticed how wide his smile can be. 

David hasn’t seen him yet, and Matteo really doesn’t want to be caught watching him like some stalker, but what he wants even less is having to think of the feeling the letter just gave him, and this is a good distraction.

After saying god knows what to his owl for a while, David breathes in a big sigh, as if bracing himself for something, before the smile slips from his face and he unties the parchment from his owl’s leg. He looks at in his hands for a moment, before ripping it open and reading it all, not hesitating once he’s started. Matteo can’t relate. He can never get himself to just rip the bandaid off, always needs a breather in between every step he takes. 

He wonders what could make always confident, always sure of himself David, look like that. 

He watches David scan the letter with apprehension in his eyes, before scoffing and viciously crumpling the parchment between his hands, releasing more passion and emotion on that piece of paper than Matteo has ever seen come from David. When it seems he’s sufficiently damaged it, he throws it on the ground, making Matteo think he’s done with it. He proves him wrong mere seconds after, when he doesn’t take his eyes off it and instead, bends down with a sigh to pick it back up and shove it in his pocket. Then, takes it back out and punches it one more time for good measure. It’s almost cute the way he takes it all out on some piece of paper, but can’t even do that properly. Maybe he doesn’t want anyone to see the letter, maybe he needs it for something, Matteo doesn’t know. All he knows is that he wonders what could be in the letter that emits such a strong burst of emotion in the boy that’s normally so reserved with his emotions, so closed off from letting people see what’s inside. 

He doesn’t really want to admit to it, but he’s a little bit worried. The letter must have been really bad if David is letting himself go like this out in the open. Granted, he hasn’t seen Matteo yet, but still, anyone could walk in any moment. 

‘Um, everything okay?’, Matteo asks, letting his presence be known. 

At the sound of his voice, David whips his head around in surprise. His eyes widen a little bit when he sees Matteo standing there, and if Matteo’s not mistaken, the brown of them seem to be wet, some of it clinging to his thick eyelashes. 

David isn’t saying anything, just shifting his gaze from Matteo to the entrance of the owlery as if he’s contemplating making a run for it. Matteo doesn’t know what to do with this new, vulnerable version of David. He gets the impression he could break David into little pieces right now if he pushed too hard. He may not like the guy, but he knows what it’s like to be pushed to the edge and he wouldn’t wish it on David either. Not knowing what else to do, Matteo repeats: ‘Everything okay?’ 

David blinks. ‘What do you care?’ 

Matteo is a little bit taken aback by the words, before remembering that just because he suddenly grew a little soft spot when it comes to David, that doesn’t mean David is up to date with it or that the sentiment is returned. The words seem to be said out of a sense of habit or obligation, though, more than genuine anger, as David’s tone isn’t remotely angry or scathing or taunting like it usually is, rather quiet and hesitant as if he’s on one part genuinely wondering why _Matteo_ would care, but also surprised anyone would care at all. It breaks Matteo’s heart a little bit, because he’s all too familiar with that feeling. 

David is still looking at Matteo, with those big eyes, attempting to close the blinds over his eyes to keep Matteo from looking inside and seeing his emotions at home. 

Matteo holds up his hands. ‘I just know how shitty it can be to get letters from home.’ 

Of course it could always be something entirely different, but Matteo is pretty sure he recognized the pain in David’s movements he tried to mask behind anger, recognized the disappointment and, following soon after, the frustration at his own heart for even feeling disappointed in the first place, because in order to be disappointed, hope needs to have bloomed in its place before it got ripped out of the soil in a violent petal splatter. 

Anger at your heart’s seemingly inexhaustible supply of hope. 

Matteo hasn’t run out yet, not that he could tell what exactly he’s hoping for. 

David is looking at him contemplatively, his eyes flicking over various parts of Matteo’s face, maybe looking for something, possible trying to check if he’s being sincere. Matteo hates that he blushes, can’t stand the close attention, but lets him. 

‘Yeah, sorry’, David says, eventually. He clears his throat and messes up his hair a bit, before continuing: ‘It’s just -- I’ll be fine. Not like I’m not used to it’, he mutters, looking at the ground with a bitter smile. 

‘Doesn’t make it suck any less.’

David looks at Matteo again, nods once. ‘Yeah. Uh, thanks, Matteo’, he says, before pointing at the exit to indicate he has to leave and Matteo nods, watches him go. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever heard David say his first name, doesn’t think he’s ever heard _anyone_ say his name like that, quietly and carefully, like every syllable is something precious that must be pushed over David’s lips with the utmost care, drifting through the air and landing safely, instead of in a straight line down, crashing and shattering all over the floor. 

Suddenly Matteo finds it very difficult to remember why he’s supposed to hate David. 

***

The run-in with David had almost made Matteo forget about the actual reason he went up there. All the way back to the dorm, the letter sits heavy and hot in his pocket, and the downward curve of David’s mouth when he’d read his own letter clear in his mind. He keeps replaying the moment over and over in his head, trying to figure where it fits into the picture he has of him, the privileged, snobby pureblood Slytherin putting himself above everyone else. The vulnerable and disappointed way he’d carried himself earlier doesn’t seem to follow the pattern. 

Once he arrives in his dorm and finds it empty, he really has no more excuse to think of David and try to figure him out. He figures he should stop stalling and get to it. It’s not getting less painful the longer he puts it off, only weighs heavy on his mind. 

He throws himself on his bed like he’s wanted to do ever since he got up and just breathes for a while, closing his eyes. Then he opens them again, and takes the roll of parchment out of his pocket. The smell hits him again and he hates the tears that burn behind his eyes when he realizes all he wants is to just go back in time and be able to hug his mother without all the additional baggage. 

Not in the mood for a one man pity party, he blinks a few times to drive the tears back in and sits up. 

_My darling boy,_ it starts.

_How is the new school year going? I know the first month or so is always a bit of a hard time for you, but I know you can do it. I pray for you every evening._

From there it’s more wishes that he’s doing better, and updates on her own life; the garden she’s cleaning up (a new wave of tears risks spilling over when she mentions the tree they planted together when Matteo hadn’t started Hogwarts yet and how big it had gotten, just like him), the lovely people she met at church and how they always ask after him because she never shuts up about how proud she is of him. It ends on a bible verse on patience and love. 

It’s nothing too different from what she usually sends, but it still makes him smile a bit. It’s nice to hear she’s doing well, he can appreciate that over all his other conflicting emotions. 

After rereading it once more, he carefully stows it away with the other letters in his trunk. He tells himself he’ll reply this time, but in the end, he still can’t figure out what to say, and so he doesn’t. 

***

‘Mr Florenzi, late again?’ 

‘The staircases were messing with me, sir’, Matteo says, quickly taking a seat after entering the room about five minutes after the bell rang. It’s not a lie this time, the stairs do love to mess with him, and especially, it seems, when he’s already running late in the first place. 

The potions teacher turns his sceptical eyes on him and lets out an extremely unconvinced sound. ‘I’ll allow it this time. You can take your seat next to Mr. Schreibner for the next assignment.’ 

‘What, why? I normally work with Amira.’ 

He tries to find her in the room and eventually spots her rolling her eyes at him from across the room, looking supremely annoyed with Markus sitting next to her and dropping three things off his desk at once. Normally, he’d laugh and sympathize with her obvious misery, but as it is, while he’s being forced to work with his _enemy,_ all the sympathy he has, is directed at himself in this moment. 

Enemy may be a bit of an exaggeration, especially after their moment in the owlery, but still. He so badly does not want to do this. 

David is looking at him as if he’d rather do anything else, too, and it’s not making things easier. 

‘Yes, I know, Mr. Florenzi, but I chose the groups today. What, do you think you’ll be able to work with your friends your whole lives? Don’t think your future boss will be so pleased if you throw a tantrum.’ 

It takes everything in him not to roll his eyes at his teacher, until he’s turned away from his at least, not much feeling like hearing another speech. 

He falls down in the seat next to David, aggressively avoiding eye contact to be sure the message is being received. He can practically feel David’s annoyance coming off him in waves, and Matteo counts it as a small victory. 

It’s not that he minds, it’s not even the fact that he has to work with David that’s bothering him, although that does make it all substantially worse. No, it’s the fact that he knows how to work with Amira and she knows how to work with him. It took them a while, many fights and a lot of bickering, failed attempts, and near death experiences (by which he means that she almost killed him numerous times), but in the end they found a system that works well for them, one that proves nearly flawless. They help each other and where one is having difficulties, the other can pick up the slack. She’s not afraid to call him out when he’s not lifting his load of the weight, and when he’s actually trying, it turns out he’s pretty decent at potions, which saves Amira from working with someone incompetent at her best subject. 

He’s well aware that out of the two of them he got the better end of the stick. He might be okay at potions, but he’s far from being the ideal potions partner Amira really deserves, but as long as she seems happy about the arrangement and doesn’t tell him to fuck off, he’s staying right where he is. Studying can be almost fun with her, and he’s not about to give that up if he can help it.

So yes, he likes familiarity and comfort and what he knows works best, sue him. 

At the front of the classroom, the teacher is explaining something about the potion they’re supposed to be making, the words not really registering to Matteo, the annoying scent of David’s cologne and the fact that he can _feel_ he’s there invading his whole mind. Ugh.

He notices the teacher is done speaking, when sounds of books being opened and chairs pulled back start to register. Next to him, David is doing the same, opening his book to the right page and getting up. 

‘I suggest I get the necessary supplies, as you obviously weren’t paying attention, and you can start preparing the cauldron.’

Matteo rolls his eyes once again. The class has only been going for ten minutes, but he can already tell it won’t be the last time. He doesn’t respond, just sighs and gets started on what David told him to, only stopping to shrug and raise his eyebrows at David, silently asking him what he’s still doing standing there.

In response, David just shakes his head in frustration and makes his way over to the supply closet. Matteo sets to work at filling the cauldron with what it needs, arranges the furniture they’ll need to complete the assignment. This he can do, this he knows and it doesn’t take long before he’s working at a steady rhythm, falling into the familiar order in which things are done. 

It doesn’t last very long, though, before David is back and shaking it all up. He drops the ingredients on the table. ‘I thought maybe we could cut everything first and then add it in. You can do half and I’ll do the other half?’

It’s not the way Matteo usually does it, preferring to cut things while he waits in between steps, but it’s not a terrible plan and David seems to be so sure of himself, he doesn’t have the energy to go against it, so he nods and takes the first ingredient and starts up the process of cutting it into small stripes. 

‘Are you going to be silent this whole time?’, David asks, annoyance clear in his voice. It’s truly incredible, Matteo thinks, how without even doing anything, he can still have that effect on the other boy. There is not one part of him that minds. It’s good to know he doesn’t have to put energy into doing something he so thoroughly enjoys. 

‘I’ve nothing to say.’ 

‘Why bother showing up at all, then?’ 

Matteo shoots him a snarky smile. ‘But who’d you get off on bossing around then, if I hadn’t?’

Matteo isn’t the fastest at everyday life things as it is, but especially when in potions, he likes to take his time, knowing the chances of successfully brewing a potion sits in the details; one branch of something cut too densely, one extra leaf, and the whole thing is ruined. David, on the other hand, already has half his ingredients done. Messily, Matteo notes. He notices him carefully reading the instructions and then carrying them out not so carefully. 

Matteo decides he doesn’t care as long as David doesn’t make a comment about the slower pace Matteo is going at. He manages to focus on his own half, sitting in an awkward and very loaded silence, until David starts working on the sopophorous beans with vigour when Matteo _knows_ that one’s always tricky, and often the thing that messes everything up because it needs such a precise hand. So when he sees David treating it like it personally wronged him and holding the knife in an iron grip, he decides he can’t stay quiet anymore. 

‘ _What_ are you doing?’

David looks up from his work, momentarily pausing his slashing and looking at Matteo like he wasn’t aware he could speak. ‘I’m cutting it?’ 

‘You’re _murdering_ it!’

Something angry flashes in David’s eyes, like he’s not used to being criticized, but Matteo isn’t about to just let him ruin their potion when his grades for this class are kind of holding up all the others. ‘Listen, the book says to just cut it, I doubt it makes any difference _how_ I do it.’

‘Aren’t you supposed to be oh so smart? Of course it matters.’ 

Maybe Matteo is being a bit mean, but he’s spent his whole hogwarts career being made to feel like he was less smart than David fucking Schreibner, so now when he _knows_ he’s right, he’s not just going to let this pass. 

David is openly scowling at him now. ‘Why don’t you do your part of the work and I’ll do mine, sound good?’

‘I’m not going to let you ruin the whole potion, so no, does not sound good. Look, the juice is super important, you can’t let it all just go to waste hashing it up like that.’ 

‘I won’t! I’ll scrape it off the board into the cauldron when I’m finished.’

‘Yeah, that won’t work. Let me just —’

Before he himself has any idea what’s gotten into him, Matteo takes the knife right out of David’s hand, the warm touch of David’s skin against him somehow taking him by surprise, and making him pull away too quickly, getting a bit too close to the guy than he wants to. 

David protests at having the knife taking out of his hands, but Matteo doesn’t care. He takes one of the beans and gently places it on the board. ‘Never understood why they don’t give us smaller knives for this’, he mutters, and as if he wants to make out what Matteo’s saying under his breath, David stops his complaints. 

He places the knife on the bean, splitting it slow enough to be able to immediately turn the two parts around when he’s done, conserving all the juice in the flesh. ‘See? When we put it in like this, we’ll manage to conserve all of it.’

David is still quiet behind him, and expecting him to be scowling again, or at least looking displeased, Matteo turns around only to be proven wrong. All of David’s attention is turned on Matteo’s hands. He doesn’t look like a guy who thinks himself better than Matteo at all in that moment, instead he’s actually listening to him. 

When he catches Matteo looking, he coughs, blushes, no doubt embarrassed to be caught in this position with someone he’s supposed to hate. ‘Yeah, that — that actually makes sense’, he admits to Matteo’s surprise. 

Half of him had expected him to ignore anything he was told, ruining the potion by cutting like a madman, while the other part was convinced he’d argue some more, hellbent to prove Matteo wrong and himself right, always needing to get the last word. 

If Matteo was a meaner person, or a pettier one, or if he simply hadn’t been caught off guard, he could’ve dragged this out, uttered childish _I told you so_ ’s. As it is, he doesn’t do any of that, just hands the knife back to David and shrugs. 

‘How do you know to do that?’, David asks, when Matteo doesn’t respond, uncomfortable under David’s watching gaze. 

He shrugs again. ‘It’s not always enough to follow the instructions. I guess I just think about it, or something.’ 

Truthfully, he doesn’t know if he really does think about it more than others, or if he’s just lucky when it comes to finding out tricks to make this all work. HIs friends would probably tell him he has a talent for potions and that there’s no need to hide that away, but he’s not too sure about that, not enough to show off in front of David, at least.

David smiles a small smile at him, and Matteo is so taken aback he almost forgets he’s expected to smile back. ‘I’m not the best at potions, to be honest, so I try to follow the textbook exactly, but apparently that’s not enough.’ 

Matteo has always thought David was arrogant, felt himself better than him, but now he’s here admitting to be bad at a subject, and more than that, a subject that is most associated with his house. This, among the other things he’s been noticing lately, doesn’t really fit into the image he’s drawn of David in his mind, and it’s forcing him to rearrange some things until the picture has transformed into something unreadable, undecipherable, a vague outline that needs lots more work. It doesn’t look quite as bad as before, the colors are gentler and more kind, the lines less sharp and harsh. 

Matteo doesn’t know much about art, but he thinks it doesn’t look too bad anymore. 

‘Not so disappointed I showed up after all then?’, Matteo says. 

David huffs. ‘I wasn’t really.’ 

Matteo doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t, goes back to his part of the table. David resumes working too, when it becomes clear Matteo isn’t going to make conversation, and the rest of the hour passes much the same. 

Every few minutes, David will look at Matteo to silently ask if he’s doing okay, or he’ll ask for pointers. Matteo has never been someone people come to for help, but he finds he rather enjoys seeing the realization spread over David’s face, see him adjust his knife the right way. 

The potion gradually changes color, slowly shifting into what it’s supposed to be. That’s always Matteo’s favorite part, seeing the thing he made growing into exactly what it was meant to be. He doesn’t often feel proud of himself, but he always is in moments like these. 

They both get twenty house points when the class is over, but the highest victory of all comes in the form of David’s lips wrapped around a _thanks_. 

***

In the beginning it had been just Jonas and Matteo. They’d actually met before Hogwarts, living in the same small town. When Matteo’s dad was still around, he used to be friends with Jonas’ parents. Mama liked them too, as they were lovely, warm people, but she had always had a harder time connecting with purebloods, especially ones that had magic so intrinsically woven into their lives. 

She’d always been fascinated by it and curious to it all, and Jonas’ parents did everything they could to make her feel included, but they just never really clicked. 

Jonas and Matteo, though, they took to each other immediately. Ever since their parents introduced them at four they’ve been inseparable. Through all Matteo’s family problems, and all Jonas’ new ideas and heartache, they never left each other sides. When Matteo’s dad finally left and Mama wasn’t well, his parents always welcomed him into their home when he needed a distraction, always sending him back home with some extra leftovers of the meal they’d eaten. 

They were as much family, as Matteo considered his actual cousins to be and so, when the boys realized they’d be going to Hogwarts together, of course they couldn’t have been happier. 

They hadn’t been sorted into the same house, but that was okay because they were still in the same giant castle to explore together and that was enough. 

When Hanna was added to the duo, she was Matteo’s friend first. She’d sat next to him the first night after they’d been sorted into the same house. She’d been so kind and funny, with her warm smile and lovely hair, that Matteo couldn’t help falling in love with her. Understandably, the magic was a bit much for her as muggleborn, but considering Matteo had been raised with a bit of both worlds, he was the perfect person to help her out and make her feel a little less nervous about, well, everything. 

They got separated at the dormitories of course, and Matteo found himself in a room with Abdi and Mohammed, who were so very cool to Matteo, too. 

That first night, though, the amount of new faces and things and words he’d learned at once, got to be a bit much for him and he’d fallen asleep almost immediately. He’d gotten to know his dorm mates a bit better the next morning, but during breakfast he’d found his place next to Hanna again. He’d introduced her to Jonas almost immediately of course, and the three of them had gotten on perfectly right from the very start, and while he missed his mama a lot, they helped make it all a bit more bearable. 

At first, the first few weeks into the school year, it had mostly been just the three of them, until Hanna had found some girls to be friends with, too, and Matteo and Jonas found themselves in the company of Abdi and Carlos, one of Jonas’ dorm mates, more and more often. They were stupid and ridiculous, but Matteo never laughed harder than he did with them. Sometimes, Mohammed would join them, too, but he had already found his own group, making his presence less frequent. 

Hanna had her little group of friends all from different houses, which was just like her, bringing different people together, and the boys formed a tight squad. 

The three of them still spent a lot of time together, despite all that, and especially after Jonas realized he’d fallen in love with her in an entirely different way than Matteo had, and it seemed like maybe she felt the same. And then in fifth year Carlos and Kiki started dating, which meant that sometimes it would be the boy squad, with Hanna and Kiki, too, and then, Matteo and Amira became study partners and also surprising friends, until Sam and Mia started joining their hangouts, too, and before Matteo knew what was happening they were one big group of loud kids from different houses, doing their thing in various places around the castle. Matteo has never ceased to wonder what he ever did to deserve this much laughter and color and warmth in his life. 

They’re all outside by the lake, trying to catch the last few rays of sunshine still able to warm them up, before they lose everything but their light, and it is one of those times. 

Abdi, in all his stupidity, somehow got it into his head that it would be warm enough to take a swim and, as his best bro, Carlos had decided that obviously he had to show support and do the same. 

As a result, the both of them are now shivering while Amira tries her hardest to charm their clothes to dry, except she keeps laughing at their sad faces, which is slowing the whole thing down significantly. Kiki refuses to touch Carlos until he’s dry and Abdi is whining that at least _he_ has someone to hold, all the while taking furtive glances at Sam, who’s also laughing, while at the same time distractedly charming her curls to change colors until she eventually settles on a bright orange, matching the leaves of the tree they’re sitting next. 

Matteo just rolls his eyes and smiles at his ridiculous friends. It is a Friday afternoon after classes, and he is tired. He loves his friends, but they can be a bit much sometimes when he’s already low on energy. The good thing about them, though, is that when he doesn’t feel up to talking, which happens more often than not when they’re all together, they just let him be. 

It’s nice just being around them silently, laughing at their stupid jokes and taking in the energy of their affection. He’s tired, but not too tired for this, not right now. 

At one point, Mohammed walks past with Omar and Essam, who join them asking what happened when they see Abdi and Carlos still looking pathetic, but a little bit warmer now thanks to Amira’s magic. Mohammed immediately sits down next to Amira. From where he’s sitting, Matteo can’t hear what he says to her, but he can see it makes her roll her eyes in amusement, hiding a smile he catches anyway. Looking proud of himself and a bit flustered at the strength of everything about Amira, Mohammed puts a hand through his curls. 

Matteo doesn’t really understand why Amira hasn’t given into Mohammed’s affection yet, as she so obviously likes him back, but he does know it’s a bit more complicated for her in a way he just _can’t_ really understand. He hopes she lets herself give in soon, though. He thinks she deserves some extra affection and someone who treats with as much respect and love as she deserves. 

In the meantime, he can tease her and Mohammed all he wants, though, and that doesn’t seem too bad. 

He catches Hanna’s eye who seemingly saw the same thing unfold. She smiles at him and he slides down until he’s lying with his head in her lap, before she brings one of her hands up to play with his hair. 

He closes his eyes and falls asleep surrounded by his friends’ laughter and yelling. 

***

Matteo idly watches the smoke swirl out of his joint, painting pretty pictures against the faint candle light still coming from inside. He couldn’t sleep, which wasn’t anything new, but instead of bringing him comfort and reminding him he’s not alone, Mohammed and Abdi’s breathing only managed to make him to aware of his own tired eyes begging to let go, while his brain kept them on a tight leash, pushing them right back open whenever they made an attempt at sleep. 

After rolling around for the better half of two hours, he’d gotten up, thrown his robes over his pyjama, not having the energy to be bothered to get dressed, and snuck out making as little noise as possible, a joint already rolled and ready in his pocket. 

He’d hoped the weed would help with keeping his intrusive thoughts at bay, so here he is, wishing he was downstairs gone to the world. 

The stars are really pretty up here, he’s always been mesmerized by them. A memory appears from behind a corner of his mind, from before it all went to shit and he still talked to his mother like a regular son should. They were out in their backyard, after Matteo had woken his mom up because of a nightmare he’d had. She’d kissed his forehead and wiped away his tears, before taking his hand and pulling him with her to the kitchen. She’d made him a cup of tea using some muggle herbs good for sleep, and then took him into the garden where she’d pointed out constellations she knew and told him magical stories about them, where everyone got a happy ending, no matter how harsh their story started out. He’s long realized, she made most of the endings up.

He wishes he could get some of her special tea, instead of the magical potions that don’t really make him sleepy, but rather knock him out dramatically. 

He’d fallen asleep so easily then, on her shoulder. The next day he’d woken up in his bed, warm and comfortable. 

He shakes his head and takes another hit from the joint. No use dwelling on good times when they’re so obviously gone now. He can’t remember the last time he even hugged his mother and the thought makes him hate himself a little bit, but mostly it makes him miss her. If he follows this trail of thought, he’ll start thinking of all the unanswered letters he keeps carefully hidden in his trunk, all of them still as loving as the first one, demanding nothing from him, only letting him know she’s thinking of him and loves him, and how it’s eating him alive because he really wants to let her know he thinks of her and loves her, too, but that he just doesn’t know _how,_ isn’t brave enough to start again after not doing it for too long, and he’d rather no go there right now. 

He groans and lets his head roll back against the railing. He hates nights like this more than anything. 

A noise snaps him out of his spiral leading to even darker places and when he looks up to follow the sound, he is met with the sight of David Schreibner looking down at him from the doorway leading onto the astronomy tower. He looks surprised to see Matteo here, and Matteo’s sure the expression is mirrored on his own face. 

‘Um, hi’, David says, looking unsure of what to do. He looks rumpled and tired, his hair a mess, sweatpants and sweatshirt on, looking more casual and messy than Matteo has ever seen him. He looks… good. 

Look, Matteo is gay and he’s not oblivious to how handsome David is, but right now he’s also looking soft and it somehow drives home the handsome factor even further. He and David aren’t exactly friends yet, even calling them friendly would be pushing it, but Matteo thinks they’re also not on the enemy level anymore. Or at least, Matteo hopes so. Disliking someone that violently took a surprising lot of energy out of him. 

‘I can go?’, David stammers when Matteo only nods at him as greeting. 

Matteo realizes he would rather have anything than to be alone right now. David might not be his first choice, but he’s a person and right now, that’s enough for Matteo. 

He shrugs. ‘I don’t mind.’

David hesitates for a second, looking behind him from where he came from, before closing the door and walking closer to Matteo. Matteo watches him think of what to do, and he’s about to tell him to just chill and sit down, when he actually does it, to Matteo’s right. He looks so uncomfortable Matteo can’t help but breathe out a laugh. 

‘What?’, David asks at the sound. Matteo just shakes his head again. 

‘You want some?’, he asks then, holding up the joint. Perfect prefect David doesn’t strike him as the type to smoke weed, but then again he also doesn’t seem like the type to sneak around after curfew and here he is. It feels to weird, anyway, to smoke around someone and not offer them some. And people say Matteo isn’t polite. 

David looks at the outstretched joint like he’s waiting for it to talk to him, before shrugging out a ‘sure’ and taking over the joint. He holds it delicately, before bringing it to his mouth. Inhaling, he doesn’t cough. Matteo almost expected him to, but it’s a nice surprise. He looks really good in the low light, eyelashes painting shadows on his cheekbones and his eyes hazy through the smoke. 

Matteo can’t help but admire the way his throat stretches when he exhales, how his lips wrap around the ‘o’ form, so pink and soft-looking, how his fingers fold around the piece of rolled up paper in his hand. 

He’s so busy admiring the boy he once considered his enemy, he almost misses the way David doesn’t quite inhale all the way. He’s smoking sure, but it’s not entering his lungs, he’s just keeping it in his mouth, like he wants to taste it instead of using it to, you know, get high. Matteo laughs again. 

Okay, maybe the weed is doing its work now after all, just when he doesn’t need to be distracted anymore. 

‘Have you ever even smoked before?’

David, still holding the joint, turns his head to look at Matteo. ‘Yes, I have.’

Matteo lifts his eyebrows. ‘Are you sure? Cause you’re kinda doing it wrong.’

‘How can you smoke _wrong_?’, David asks, looking indignant Matteo would even suggest there’s something he’s not doing perfectly, and Matteo is almost happy to see a part of the David he thought he knew before, come out a bit. This is safe territory at least. 

‘Well’, he holds out his hand to take over, ‘watch and learn.’

David rolls his eyes at the phrase, but hands the joint over anyway. ‘Teach me then, oh master of weed.’ 

‘Look, you gotta’, he takes a hit, inhales deeply, lets it fill his lungs and feels that pleasant burn stretch all over, before releasing it again. ‘It’s not gonna have an effect if you don’t properly breathe it in.’

When Matteo turns to hand it back to David, he finds the other boy looking at him, in a way he hasn’t before. His gaze is fast on Matteo’s face, following his neck, all the way to his fingers, before quickly moving higher again, landing on Matteo’s eyes. Almost like he’s checking him out, but. He couldn’t be, right? The guy’s made it very clear he does not like Matteo. Or, well, the last times they interacted went considerably different than they used to. Maybe Matteo isn’t the only one having a change of heart. 

But even then, Matteo isn’t much to look at, anyway. Plus, he doesn’t even know if David _likes_ boys. He’s getting way ahead of himself.

When he notices Matteo looking back, David quickly snaps out of whatever had come over his face, and clears his throat, sits up a bit straighter. ‘Give it here, then.’

He takes the joint from Matteo’s hand and takes a hit, a bit too enthusiastically for someone who’s clearly a beginner. Sure enough, he inhales deeply and starts coughing almost immediately, smoke swirling around him. 

He knows it makes him an asshole, but Matteo can’t help laughing. David glares at him through his subsiding cough, looking near murderous. ‘Stop laughing, asshole. This isn’t funny’, but when he stops coughing, Matteo can clearly see the corners of his mouth lifting a little bit when Matteo lets out another bout of giggles. 

‘I didn’t know it was possible to suck at smoking weed, but here we are.’

‘I had a pretty shit teacher, honestly.’ 

‘So was this your first time then?’, Matteo asks when he’s recovered from his laughing fit. Forget what he said earlier, this weed is definitely effective. 

‘Actually, no. I did it a couple times last summer.’

Matteo hums unconvinced. 

‘I did, I’m not lying! They just didn’t exactly explain the mechanics to me.’

Matteo is -- endeared is probably the best word to describe how he’s feeling right now. There’s something about David’s defensive tone, always so hellbent on proving himself, and the knowledge that there’s something he isn’t perfect at, may it only be smoking weed, that’s just undeniably cute to Matteo. It also doesn’t help that in the low lighting he can faintly see how messy his hair is, how rosy his cheeks are. He wonders if they’d be hot to the touch, or if they’re simply this lovely color.

‘Now you do. And you’ll have to live with the knowledge that stupid Matteo Florenzi actually taught you something.’ 

He means for it to come out as a joke, poking some fun at the stereotypes surrounding them and their house, but it somehow comes out a little more sad than that. He’s never been able to get a good grip on what constitutes as funny, and what pushes the line of self-deprecating just a little too far. 

‘I don’t think you’re stupid’, David answers, his voice heavy enough to not get swept away by the wind. 

Matteo slides along the railing, until he’s lying on his back, looking up at the stars, wondering how he can feel so small, while at the same time feeling this much. Surely his chest can’t be big enough to house all of it. He snorts, not really believing David, but too tired to seriously argue with him. 

‘I’m serious, Matteo. Did I do something to make you feel stupid?’

He could tell David about what it does to him when he sees people being successful at something, managing to make all their homework on time, pleasing the teachers. Someone that can make friends with anyone they meet, function normally in social situations. David himself hasn’t actively done something to make Matteo feel stupid, no, Matteo can make himself feel that way without anyone’s help. It just doesn’t help that he’s so perfect. 

He won’t say all this, though. ‘I thought that was just a general belief.’

He can hear David following his example and laying down next to him, not touching, but close enough to feel his warmth bridging the space between them. ‘You’re not stupid, Matteo’, he says, voice full of conviction and sounding almost angry Matteo would even think that. ‘Amira wouldn’t work with you if you were, and I’ve seen you in potions and herbology, you’re one of the best students. You taught me how to cut the ingredients right, didn’t you? Being intelligent doesn’t have to mean answering all of the teacher’s question and needlessly showing off because you’re starved for validation, you know’, David says, and his voice is bitter. Matteo wonders if some of his words are directed at himself. ‘Sometimes intelligence is staying quiet at the right moments, and -- and knowing that, in order to do well in herbology, you have to treat the plants gently, that you have to be patient while making a potion because they need time, too, you know.’ David shakes his head. ‘Being smart doesn’t -- you’re’, he lets out a frustrated sigh, puts his hand through his hair. ‘Just -- you’re not stupid, Matteo, you’re really not. Okay?’

Matteo isn’t sure what just happened and he’s even less sure of what to say. ‘You’ve been paying attention to me, huh’, he eventually settles on to light the mood, but the way David is still looking at him, all intensely, makes it clear he’s not playing around.

‘Okay’, he breathes out then, because it does mean a lot to hear from someone that doesn’t even like him. It’s one thing to have friends that love him reassure him, but having a near stranger tell him he’s maybe not as bad as he makes himself out to be, is a whole other story. 

David nods. ‘Good. Now give me back the joint, I want to try again. I’ll get it this time.’

And, sure enough, when he takes a hit, he doesn’t cough and he breathes it all the way in. He looks a bit like he’s in pain, but he does it. Stupidly, Matteo feels a little bit proud. 

Not wanting David to catch him looking, he turns his gaze back up, returning to the stars. They’re quiet for a bit. He can’t imagine what David could be thinking of right now, and he realizes he actually really wants to know. 

A flash of light in the corner of his eye and then a small spectacle for just the two of them. ‘A falling star. Do we get to make a wish now?’

David looks at him in confusion. ‘It’s just a star.’

‘It’s a muggle thing, something my mom used to tell me. When you see a falling star you get to make a wish and it’ll come true.’

‘You think that’s a real thing?’

Matteo finds himself answering truthfully: ‘I did when I was a kid and thought everything my mom said was the absolute truth, you know. But then -- I don’t know, some things happened with my mom and I just kind of stopped believing anything she told me for a while.’

‘What do you think now?’, David asks, sensing there’s a bit more to it.

‘Now I don’t know. I think that if I can carry around a piece of wood that just follows my command, spend my year in a school where portraits talk and staircases move according to their mood… Why couldn’t some muggle fairy tales be true too, you know. They’re also just trying to find a little bit of magic, a little hope, where they can.’

David is quiet for a bit, looks at him with an expression Matteo is unable to read. Then he smiles softly, the first real smile he’s ever given Matteo, one that doesn’t cut like a blade. ‘You should make a wish then.’

Matteo closes his eyes and does. He hasn’t done this in a long time, and for a second he’s back in his backyard, hearing his mother’s soft voice, smelling her hair as she held him, and he almost feels happy. He opens his eyes and his mother is gone, but David isn’t. 

‘What did you wish for?’, he asks him. 

‘Can’t tell you. Then it won’t come true.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SEASON 5 HUH  
> Anyway, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it! Chapter three should be up some time next week!  
> Tumblr: @vlindervin7


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amira is blushing.  
> It’s so surprising, Matteo is sure he’s imagining things for a second. But no. It’s really happening right before his eyes.   
> Doesn’t-flinch-doesn’t-blink-doesn’t-take-anyone’s-shit Amira is looking down at her book and blushing. She’s fiddling with her hijab, trying to hide behind her hands, but it’s too late. Matteo’s seen it and he sure as hell isn’t going to let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly shorter chapter this time, hope you like it! <3

_Hey Hans,_

_I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. I was happy to hear from you. Your colleagues sounds like fun. Don’t know about your offer to party, but meeting them should be nice one day. How did your date go?_

_To be completely honest, I don’t even know who the new head boy is, which should make it clear that he’s probably not in any way on your level. The common room is so boring without your impromptu dancing now._

_I’m okay, trying to not fall asleep half the time._

_Hey, I was wondering, weren’t you friends with Laura Schreibner? Her brother is in my year and I don’t really get him. I thought maybe you knew him. It’s not that important, though._

_I don’t have much to tell you, but I hope you can find the time in your oh so busy schedule to let me know how you’re doing from time to time._

_Give Linn my love back._

_Matteo_

***

The next day, Matteo is tired as expected. After having talked for a while longer, Matteo had noticed David’s eyes getting smaller and smaller, and the boy yawning every few minutes, which had set him off too, until they both felt tired enough to take another try at this sleeping thing. 

And so David had gone back down, and Matteo had walked up the stairs to his bed that was now cold. He’d fallen asleep almost immediately. 

Something about watching the stars and smoking and talking quietly with no pressure, had a really calming effect on his body. 

So, he’s tired, but he can manage, because it seems that some of the calming energies of the night before haven’t left his spirit yet. He even wakes up in an okay mood, meets his friends in the hallway not half dead to the world, but almost happy for the day to start. Granted, he’d have liked to sleep a bit longer, but he doesn’t feel as exhausted as he’d thought he’d be. 

He walks to breakfast with Jonas, Abdi and Carlos, morning chatter around them. He almost didn’t expect to see David sitting there when they walk into the great hall, like the David from yesterday was someone who only existed between the hours of one and four in the morning, and the David he knew from the days had ceased to exist. 

He’s a little taken aback seeing him now, not sure how to act around him. Obviously, he was wrong about him and obviously this means he should stop acting like a dick to him. Normally, he’d just walk past without acknowledging his existence, but that feels wrong somehow. He doesn’t think they’re friends or anything, but the moment they shared last night feels a little too big to just ignore. 

The decision is taken out of his hands though when, as Matteo walks past the Slytherin table, David, looking tired, but more put together than Matteo does on days he did get a sufficient amount of sleeps, looks up from his conversation with Leonie and offers Matteo a small smile, not more than a lift of his lip corners and a tilt of his head, but it’s enough. 

Before, he realizes he’s doing it, Matteo smiles back, a real smile, his face morphing itself into one without his consent. Too soon, though, they’ve passed the Slytherin table, and he can’t see David anymore. 

‘Uh, hello?’, Carlos asks then, sounding shocked and pulling Matteo out of his thoughts back to the world around him. 

‘What?’ Jonas and Abdi are also looking at him in confusion. 

Carlos looks at them like they’ve missed the most obvious thing in the world, then sets his eyes on Matteo. ‘Did you just _smile_ at David Schreibner?’

Ah, so someone did see. How to explain this to his friends without having to tell them about his night time activities and worrying them? 

‘But Matteo hates David?’, Abdi answers, like Carlos is talking complete nonsense. 

‘Man, I’m telling you he just did!’ 

Jonas turns to look at Matteo with his eyebrows raised. 

‘Yeah, it’s true, I did.’ 

This seems to shock them even more somehow, looking at Matteo with big eyes like they’re expecting him to say it was a joke. When he doesn’t, Jonas asks: ‘What happened since yesterday, dude?’ 

Strangely Matteo feels his face flush. He shrugs. ‘Don’t know. Guess he’s actually not that bad.’ 

‘Yeah, we know, we’ve only been telling you that since forever. ‘

They’ve arrived at their table now, taking place at the Hufflepuff table today. ‘Yeah, well, maybe I just realized.’ 

He’s getting annoyed again, even though he knows he has no real right to, that his friends’ confusion is understandable. Sometimes he just hates how they can’t just let things go. It’s like he’s constantly explaining himself about every single thing he does, and he doesn’t want to. He wants to just do things and say things and live his life without anyone questioning him. Of course he doesn’t want his friends to stop paying attention to him or to stop caring about him, but it would be nice if they were just a little bit less nosy sometimes. 

‘I couldn’t sleep yesterday, so I went to the astronomy tower for some fresh air, and he was there, too. We just talked a bit, that’s all’, he says eventually with a sigh, when it’s clear they want more information. 

Jonas is the only one who seems a bit worried about that, and Matteo quickly shakes his head at him to let him know it’s fine, nothing like that, just one bad night. 

‘But, isn’t David a prefect? I didn’t think he’d just break curfew like that’, Abdi comments. 

‘Kiki says he’s actually really cool, not uptight at all’, Carlos says to that, and Matteo has to admit Kiki is right after what he saw last night.

‘Yeah, he’s cool’, Matteo interjects. 

‘Huh’, Abdi continues, ‘I knew someone with a piercing couldn’t be boring.’ 

Matteo snorts at that. He’s spent a lot of time ignoring the fact that David has that septum piercing for fear of getting distracted. 

Matteo yawns and when he turns his head a bit, he catches David’s eye across the great hall. His cheeks look a bit rosy and he seems to jump a little when Matteo’s eyes land on him. He lifts an eyebrow when he notices Matteo yawning and Matteo shrugs at him, _what can you do_. David smiles again, before turning away and resuming his conversation with Leonie. 

Yeah, really not bad at all.

***

The next few days are spent trying not to think of David, trying not to conjure up the low-lit memory that is starting to feel more like a dream than anything else. 

Besides the smile in the great hall, neither of the boys has given any indication that something happened between them and Matteo is losing his mind. He’s _trying_ to think of David as little as possible, trying to keep him out of his mind, but it’s proving to be harder than anticipated. He thinks it shouldn’t really matter, those few hours they spent talking, the laughter they shared and the stories they told. They’re not friends, they’re not really anything, and Matteo has no desire to change anything about their relationship, and if he’s lying to himself, that’s his own business and no one else’s.

Every time he hears David say something in class, he’s reminded of how quiet and soft his voice had sounded projected in the darkness and he wonders what other things he could say to Matteo in that voice. He walks past David talking to Sara once, catching his laugh and he’s right back on the astronomy tower, feeling proud of apparently being funny enough to draw the joyful sound out of the other boy. Laughter suits him much better than the frowns he usually sends Matteo’s way. 

Every time he catches sight of him, every time he hears him do anything, Matteo is reminded of the few moments in which David showed himself to Matteo a little. He can’t help wondering what else he’s hiding behind perfect grades and perfect looks. He knows now there’s a boy who has trouble sleeping, and has no qualms about breaking curfew and smoking weed with another boy with sleeping problems. He knows there’s also someone who’s homelife isn’t as picture perfect, not as painless as he would maybe like to pretend, knows he’s quick and smart and funny. 

Matteo desperately wants to know what other things he missed through his unjustified hateful haze. 

And so, as much as he doesn’t want to be thinking of David, the next few days are still filled with him. For some reason his friends are hellbent on bringing him up every chance they get, and every time Matteo wants to escape them for a bit, just walking around or hiding out in the library, he almost inevitably catches sight of David, the emerald green of his tie and scarf against the deep brown of his skin hard to miss. 

His insomnia streak is persistent and multiple times in the week that follows, he finds himself laying awake and eventually making his way up to the astronomy tower, with the intention of emptying his head of all the unnecessary noise inside it by filling it with stars instead. It’s a little counterintuitive, he knows, because it inevitably leads to thoughts of his mother, but they’re good thoughts so he can deal with them. 

No matter how much he wants to deny it’s there, every time he climbs the steps there’s a little part of him that hopes David will be there, too. It’s a bit selfish because he doesn’t wish for David to feel like he’s doing, restless but so so tired at the same time, but he also knows that his presence had calmed him down considerably last time, and he longs for that peace. 

He’s still not sure if it’s David specifically that had made him feel like that, or just the fact of another person there sharing his faith. He doesn’t know and he’s not about to wake his friends up to find out. For now, he’ll just keep telling himself it’s the second option, not wanting to open the box of hidden meaning the first option would bring with it. 

He never show up, though, and Matteo gets an average of three hours of sleep, until the day he’ll eventually crash and sleep for two days straight because his body can’t take it anymore. He knows how this goes. 

It’s fine, though, because as long as he doesn’t actually have to talk to David, he can at least somewhat pretend he’s not completely intrigued by him and only wants to learn more. 

***

Amira is _blushing_.

It’s so surprising, Matteo is sure he’s imagining things for a second. But no. It’s really happening right before his eyes. 

Doesn’t-flinch-doesn’t-blink-doesn’t-take-anyone’s-shit Amira is looking down at her book and blushing. She’s fiddling with her hijab, trying to hide behind her hands, but it’s too late. Matteo’s seen it and he sure as hell isn’t going to let it go. 

After the disaster that was the potions lesson last week, they decided to hold another study session together to go over it all once more to be sure they understood it. Well, Amira decided and Matteo didn’t refuse. He wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t push him and he knows he needs it, so he’s not going to fight it when she wants them to do some more. 

They’re in their favorite corner of the library, hidden behind a row of books that are consulted once in a blue moon, next to a window overlooking the black lake and the mountains behind it. It’s quiet and comfortable. Matteo has trouble working anywhere else.

He has a good idea of what happened, knowing his friends, but he doesn’t say anything, just quietly observes Amira trying not to smile and failing dramatically, until she looks up. It seems like she’d forgotten she wasn’t alone, because when she catches sight of him, her face morphs back into its original form. She glares at him, something that hasn’t had the desired effect on Matteo for years now, not since he found out which ones she means and which ones she doesn’t. This one is decidedly fake. 

‘What?’, she asks when he continues silently looking at her with a stupid smile on his face. 

He shrugs. ‘I don’t know, what’s with you?’ 

She sits a bit straighter. ‘Nothing. Why are you looking at me?’

If she’s trying to get him to drop this, she’s going to be playing this game for a long time. Matteo is the master at doing meaningless things when he should be studying. It’s a talent he’s grown and cultivated over the years and no one does it better than him. 

‘Interesting book?’ 

She blushes _again_ (seriously, Matteo can _not_ believe his eyes), and shakes her head. ‘Don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, what should we st art with?’ 

‘Is it Mohammed?’ 

‘Personally I think maybe we should go over last week’s lesson to freshen up our memories and go from there.’

‘It’s Mohammed, isn’t it?’ 

‘Because the essay is mostly based on that part of the course, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember every single detail of that lesson.’ 

‘So you like him back, right?’

‘So, if you have no objections -- ‘

‘It’s about time, I think you would be cute together. He’s a really good guy you know. Wonder what he’s done to make you look like that. Must be impressive?’ 

‘Oh my god’, Amira finally snaps, in the middle of her explanation and shoots an impressive glare Matteo’s way, and okay, that one seems to be a little more real than the last one. ‘If I show you will you shut up and do the work?’ 

Matteo smiles as angelically as he can. ‘Yes, Coach, promise.’ 

Rolling her eyes, she turns her textbook and shoves it his way, immediately turning to her papers like she’s not bothered at all, avoiding eye contact at all cost. 

Delighted, Matteo turns his gaze to the book in front of him. It’s open to a normal looking page, filled with words he doesn’t bother reading. He’s confused when nothing happens at first, and he’s about to ask her what he’s supposed to be seeing, when suddenly and slowly, the letters start to rearrange, forming a whole new set of words. 

_You look very beautiful today, princess._

‘ _Princess?’_ He’s surprised she’s letting someone call her that. 

She rolls her eyes again, still stubbornly refusing to look at him. ‘That’s whatmy namemeans in Arabic.’ 

‘Ah.’ It’s pretty impressive magic, especially because he has to have done it quickly if she didn’t notice until now. ‘When did he do this?’ 

‘We worked together in Ancient Runes earlier’, she says dismissively. Then, she finally looks up at him. ‘How are you so sure it’s him, anyway? Could be anyone.’ 

‘He only talks about you all the time’, Matteo answers with an eyeroll of his own, but his is more fond than anything else. 

‘He does?’, she asks quietly, like she’s embarrassed to be showing any interest in the matter, but it’s Matteo. She has enough embarrassing material on him to last a lifetime. 

‘You know he does. It’s not a secret.’

Absentmindedly, she nods, thinking something over. There’s still a small smile playing on her lips, and her cheeks still match her pink hijab a little bit and Matteo loves seeing her like this. He realizes how precious it is to be let into Amira’s feelings, even if it’s just a glimpse and his chest warms at the thought that she trusts him enough.

He doesn’t let the silence stretch very long, though. ‘So, do you like him back?’, he asks, taking on an obnoxiously playful voice to snap her out of her revery. 

When she snatches the book away and declares they’ve wasted enough time and are going to study now, he can’t help laughing because he really does love her and he knows she does too. She’s shaking her head at him and ordering him to open his own book, but there’s a fondness hiding behind her stern tone and a smile in her eyes when she looks at him.

***

And then one night, in which Matteo isn’t even expecting him, is barely thinking at all, he does show up. Matteo pushes open the door to the tower and is met with the candle light from inside streaming out and landing on a figure huddled up in the corner. David looks up at the sound and smiles when he sees Matteo enter, a beautiful, small smile Matteo doesn’t feel deserving off. 

‘I was wondering if you were going to show.’ And the words make something erupt in Matteo’s stomach. He knows he’s been thinking of David, but it never occurred to him to wonder whether David had been thinking of him, too. 

‘Do I give off such sleep-deprived vibes, or what?’ 

David shrugs, the little smile still there on his face. ‘Kind of, yeah.’ 

And, well, that’s fair. Matteo lets himself fall down next to David sitting against the railing of the tower. ‘It’s just what happens sometimes. I can’t sleep for a few days and then I’m okay again.’ He doesn’t mention that that’s not all that happens sometimes, that beside insomnia, sometimes the opposite happens and it feels like all he can do is sleep, or stay in bed and doesn’t even find the strength to face people.

He’s not sure why he’d want David to know that about him, but he thinks it’s probably not the time to come clean about every weird way his head works, especially when he barely even knows the guy, no matter how much he’s lived inside his brain. 

David nods like it makes sense. 

‘What’s keeping you up, then?’, Matteo asks. 

David hesitates, before talking, with a bitter smile on his face, like he thinks it shouldn’t bother him, except that it obviously does. ‘My parents sent me another letter and it’s stressing me out.’

Matteo can sense David is getting worked up so he keeps quiet in case he wants to let it out. 

‘It’s just --’, David continues after a while. ‘I don’t even _live_ with them, we’re not even in the _same country_ and they still manage to make me feel like this, it’s -- I hate it.’ Once he’s done, he realizes how heated he’d gotten and he lets out a breath, looking at Matteo with something akin to embarrassment in his eyes and Matteo wants to make it disappear immediately, because clearly this was something David needed to let out. ‘Sorry.’

Matteo shakes his head, dismissing the apology as unnecessary. He decides to focus on something else, though, in case David doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. ‘You live alone?’ 

‘With my sister.’ Something must have shown in Matteo’s tone, because at the words, David looks at him with furrowed brows. ‘Why? Would it really be so bad to live alone?’ 

‘Being alone is the worst thing in the world.’ Something about the night makes Matteo very honest, it seems. 

David’s brows furrow deeper, and something that almost looks protective appears in his eyes. ‘I’d rather be alone than with people who hold me back from being who I am and doing what I want.’ 

And maybe Matteo does understand that, no matter how much he believes being alone would drive him crazy in the end. ‘Guess that’s why you’re in Slytherin and I’m a Hufflepuff.’ 

David laughs lightly at that, the tension immediately a little bit lighter. ‘Guess so.’

They’re quiet then for a little while, comfortable. Matteo thinks he loves comfortable silences more than most anything in the world. 

Then, he asks: ‘Are your parents holding you back?’, because the silence is nice, but for some reason all he really wants is to keep David talking. 

‘They have a very clear image of what they want my future to look like and we agree on -- well, basically nothing’, he says with a little bitter laugh. 

‘Is that why you don’t live with them?’ 

‘Kind of. We fight all summer when I stay with them and -- I know they love me or whatever, but it got too much for me and I thought it would be better for everyone if I just moved in with Laura.’

Matteo doesn’t know what to say and is too tired to figure it out so he simply nods and hopes it’s enough. It seems to be when David starts talking again. 

‘And now they’ve been bugging me about career choices. They’re both high ministry officials and they want me to follow in their footsteps, but that’s the last thing I want and they know it, too. I just wish they’d stop expecting so much from me. I mean, I’m a prefect and my grades are perfect, but as long as I don’t exactly do what they expect of me, it’s never enough.’ 

Matteo is suddenly hit with a wave of love for his mother. As much as he wishes things were different sometimes, at least she’s never made him feel like the love she has for him comes with certain restrictions. And at the same time, he gets hit with so much anger for parents who made their child feel like that, because he also knows how awful it is to be made to feel like you’re not enough. 

He’s only talked to David a few times, but he can already tell that he’s got more interesting things to say than most people. 

‘I’m really sorry’, David says then, ‘I normally don’t talk this much. Don’t know what’s gotten into me.’ 

And that’s another thing Matteo understands all too well, funnily enough, the fear of being _too_ much. Like the minute you show too much of yourself, take up too much space, people will take it all away. 

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind. I like hearing you speak.’

Immediately his face flushes. He must really be tired if he’s being honest like this. It’s a bit too dark to see, but Matteo thinks David’s cheek also darken a bit. The shy smile manifesting on his face is clear as day, though, and it’s as beautiful as every other time it’s been sent Matteo’s direction. 

‘Thank you, Matteo.’ 

Matteo almost wants to thank David for opening up to him as it seems like a precious gift David doesn’t easily give away, but he decides against it. It doesn’t seem entirely appropriate. 

They don’t talk much more after, sometimes trading easy conversation, but simply quietly existing next to one another until, like the last time they did this, sleep finds them and they find their way back to their beds, waiting for them with open arms.

***

_Butterfly!_

_A letter from you, and that not even two weeks after mine! I feel honored. Of course I will write to you, as if I couldn’t find time for my favorite grumpy boy._

_The date was boring, so boring it doesn’t even deserve to be talked about. He was only slightly more fun in bed._

_Is the new headboy Dieter? I bet it’s Dull Dieter, what a downgrade. It must be hard for you, going from Me to him. You deserve better._

_Oh my, Matteo Florenzi, is that a crush I detect? Your first gay crush!!!! This is so exciting. And on David of all people. Of course I know sweet David. I can understand the interest, he’s a pretty cool guy. I’ve only talked to him a couple of times, but Laura always speaks very highly of him. I’m not sure what you want me to say, Matteo, I don’t know that much about him, you’ll have to find out for yourself and isn’t that the most fun part? I wish you the best of luck._

_You better keep me updated on this amorous adventure of yours. And if you need any advice, about feelings or safe sex, I’m your guru for a reason and I will never judge. Except if it’s about your fashion choices, then I will always judge a little bit._

_I expect another letter soon!_

_Kisses,_

_Hans_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that all the comments and kudos I've gotten made me incredibly happy and that I hope the new year treats you well!   
> Find me on tumblr @vlindervin7


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘She into you?’, Matteo asks when she’s out of earshot. They’re not together, at least, Matteo would’ve heard.
> 
> David just shrugs. ‘Probably.’ 
> 
> ‘And you?’, he finds himself asking before he can stop it. 
> 
> David turns his eyes on Matteo, raising his eyebrows with a glimmer in his eyes that’s doing something to Matteo’s insides. ‘And me what?’
> 
> ‘Are you into her, too?’
> 
> David laughs a little at that. ‘Not really. I mean, she’s nice, but --’, he just shrugs. ‘Not really my type, I guess.’
> 
> What Matteo really wants to do, is ask David what his type is, and more specifically if his type includes boys, too, but he promised himself he wouldn’t let his thoughts stray that way, and so what he does instead, is fill his plate with things to eat and digs in.

Let’s get a few things straight. 

Matteo does not care what Hans thinks about the whole thing. No matter how excited he’d gotten and how sure he was of being right, Matteo does not have a crush on David Schreibner and that’s that on that. He just doesn’t. 

If he’d have to describe his relation to David, he’d describe them as acquaintances, maybe even friendly if he’s feeling generous. They’re just two boys who sometimes happen to have trouble falling asleep and consequently spend a few hours talking and occasionally smoking. And maybe some people would see this as being sufficient material to make a friendship or a crush, but the thing is that the astronomy tower seems to exist on another plane of existence. It’s not their normal lives and it doesn’t influence them. At night, David and Matteo can talk about everything and feel comfortable, but during the day they never push past acknowledging each other’s existence with a nod or a smile. 

And that’s it. 

Three weeks ago Matteo couldn’t even stand the guy and now he supposedly has a crush on him? That doesn’t add up. 

He certainly doesn’t spend whole lessons fixating on the way the light streaming through the window reflects off David’s nose ring, doesn’t smile when he hears him laugh at something one of his friends said, and listening extra carefully when Amira mentions him.

What he also doesn’t do is stare at him all throughout the last quidditch match before Christmas break, almost forgetting the fact that he’s playing against Hufflepuff and really Matteo shouldn’t be rooting for him every time he attempts to get the quaffle through the hoops, but then again, like he said, he is definitely _not_ doing that, so it’s all good. 

Abdi wanted to sit as close to the action as possible, as the Hufflepuff-Slytherin game is the one he’s been anticipating for a long time, and that’s why Matteo is sitting near the front, too, when he much prefers the back normally, away from most of the too enthusiastic supporters. Carlos and Jonas are there, too, even though Gryffindor isn’t playing. They’re very avidly showing their support, though, almost screaming as loud as Abdi whenever they mark points. Hanna is right next to Matteo, a bit more subdued, but wearing her house colors proudly, Sam next to her, who is the only one of the girl squad who likes quidditch games enough to come to a game in which her own house isn’t even playing. 

They’re a nice bunch, almost enough to snap Matteo out of whatever spell he’s under at the moment. He’s way more into this game than he usually is, and he knows it likely has to do with the fact that he’s sitting just close enough to the pitch, to be able to make out the way David’s arms flex when he throws a quaffle, how his hair flies behind him on the wind when he gains speed, how his hands are gripped so tight around his broom. And he’s a good player, too, that much Matteo knows if he knows little else about the game. Quick and efficient and a good targeter.

It’s not the only thing he notices, though, and he tries to focus on the others instead of on the one person _he decidedly does not have a crush on._

He can follow every minute of the weird stare down Mohammed and Amira have going on. Mohammed fills the position of Keeper, Amira is beater, and she seems to have a particular fondness for throwing the bludgeons his way, which knowing her, is probably a mixture of weird flirting and good strategy. She doesn’t always succeed, though, as Mohammed is one of the best, too, but every time the bludgeon comes close to him, he gives her a look and she gives one, back, in a _just you wait_ warning, her green hijab fluttering around her. It’s kind of cute in a way, how they’re so obvious. It almost feels like intruding after a while, though, the heavy eye contact, so that doesn’t last very long. 

He focuses on the seekers, too, for a second, but the one playing for Slytherin is Leonie and for Hufflepuff it’s some third year Matteo barely knows, and so that gets awkward and boring really fast. As opposed to David, Leonie hating him is not all in his head and he supposes she has the right, as he broke her best friend’s heart and all that, more right than anyone else in school. 

And, so, very quickly, he’s back to watching David. 

It doesn’t have to mean he likes him, though. All it means is that Matteo can objectively enjoy a handsome boy doing sports, which is a very sensible and mundane thing to enjoy for a gay teenager. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything when Matteo gets so into it he forgets to cheer when Hufflepuff scores points, so into it he almost cheers when _David_ scores points, only just holding himself back from jumping up when the Hufflepuff keeper is a fraction of a millisecond too late. It does not mean a thing, except maybe that David is hot, but that is not new information. Matteo, and everyone else in school, is aware of that. It’s just a fact of life. Matteo is in Hufflepuff, Pumpkin juice is the only valid magical juice and David looks like a prince on his broom. Simple as that. 

So screw Hans and his assumptions, making Matteo having to defend his case to himself. He’s wrong. 

When a bludgeon comes a little bit too close to David’s head for Matteo’s liking, his heart drops, but picks right up when he comes out fine and even does some little move on his broom to show off, and that does things to Matteo’s heart, too, just a bit differently. 

Well, maybe not so straight after all. 

***

‘It’s gonna be weird leaving Hogwarts next year. It’s like home, you know. It almost feels like when you’re here your problems don’t really matter. Well, they always do, but they’re less heavy to carry.’

David nods like it makes perfect sense, and Matteo’s sure he understands. David seems like someone who carries some things with him wherever he goes, like there’s so much hidden behind those dark eyes. Matteo’s never really give much thought to the ‘still waters’ idiom, but now he thinks there might just be some truth behind it. And not only that, but almost every person he’s ever talked to about this, has recounted the same feeling of belonging and fitting into it all as Matteo describes. Hogwarts seems to be designed to make people feel included, like they always have a home here no matter how bad their actual home sucks. 

‘When was the first time you felt like you really belonged here?’, David asks then, taking Matteo off guard. People always love telling him about all the reason why Hogwarts is so great, but they rarely ever ask what makes it so great for him. 

He rests his head on the railing behind him, thinking it over. He can think of many instances where it felt like he truly belonged in this place, like no matter what happened, as long as he’s here, he’ll be okay in the end. People he met and things he’s seen, conversations he’s had. 

‘I don’t know, there were a lot. Think the first one I remember was in my first year? Few weeks after the start of the school year. I’d never been away from home that long and -- I can’t remember exactly, but I got really homesick and one of the older students showed me the room of requirements and when I walked in, it was charmed into my room at home. It looked exactly the same and there was a turntable that played this song, ‘Dream a little dream of me’, that my mom always listened to when she cooked and -- I fell asleep like that and it was just a really nice break from everything, you know, made me feel like I was back home for a while.’ 

He doesn’t think he’s ever told any of his friends this, it feels like something so personal, something people could have made fun of, especially eleven-year olds, but he finds himself always being truthful around David. He just can’t imagine him ever making him feel about something he’s feeling. 

And he was right to trust him, because he’s just sitting there with this soft smile on his face, like it all makes sense to him and like he’d want to be doing nothing else right now. ‘You’re a mama’s boy, aren’t you?’ 

Matteo scoffs. ‘I am not!’ 

‘Yes, you are! It’s cute, though, don’t worry.’

Matteo shrugs, it’s a bit more complicated than that. ‘I used to be, you’re right. And I guess I still love her more than anything, but it’s a bit more complicated now. When I’m homesick, I mostly miss the home I had when I was little.’ 

He did not mean to get this sad, but David doesn’t look like he minds. He just nods and that’s it. 

‘What about you?’, Matteo asks, wanting to change the subject. ‘The first time you fell in love with Hogwarts.’ 

David’s smile turns a little bit less soft, a bitter edge to it. He seems to be thinking something over, like he’s not sure if he should say what he’s thinking of. 

He seems to shake himself out of it after a while. ‘It was kind of the opposite of your story actually.’ 

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, you felt at home because even when you were missing home, there was always a place you could go that reminded you of it, right?’ 

Matteo nods. 

‘I love Hogwarts because it’s so different. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever really missed home. My sister was with me and she’s really always been the person that made home feel like home to me.’ He’s quiet for a moment. ‘Hogwarts was different from the moment I got my letter, addressed to _David_ without asking any questions, when my own parents were still struggling to see me as a boy.’ 

The understanding must show on Matteo’s face, because David pauses a second during his story, before continuing. ‘And when I got here, everyone only ever called me that and used the right pronouns and -- You know the stupid charm on the stairs that keep boys from the girls’ dormitories?’

He’s heard from Jonas and Mia and Amira all about how sexist it is and how it plays into the harmful gender binary that society forces people in, but he keeps quiet and just nods. 

‘The first evening here, the stairs let me up the boys’ dormitories and wouldn’t let me up the girls’ and --’ David looks so nervous. He’s taking over Matteo’s habit of fidgeting when he talks and he’s not really looking at Matteo until he does and finished his story. ‘I know I really shouldn’t let the rules of some ancient castle validate me because I already _knew_ I was a boy, but that still meant so much to little eleven-year old David.’ His smile turns a bit softer, like he’s nostalgic to the boy he used to be. 

Matteo does not know what to say, which admittedly happens a lot. It’s just that this really doesn’t seem like the time to stay silent, especially with David looking at him like he’s scared of how Matteo is going to react. This is new. He’s been so scared to come out for years now, and he knows it’s not quite the same, but he’s never had to imagine the roles being reversed. 

‘Cool’, he says then, because he’s lame and he kicks himself for it almost immediately. 

David doesn’t seem to mind, though, just amusedly raises his eyebrows. There’s relies there too, though, behind the humor. ‘Cool?’

Matteo shrugs and smiles at him. ‘Yeah, cool. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m not really sure what else to say, sorry.’ 

David’s still smiling and it’s only getting bigger by the second, so Matteo assumes he has to be doing _something_ right. ‘That’s okay. I trust you.’

Matteo doesn’t think he’s done much to deserve David’s trust, but he’d be lying if he said it doesn’t make something warm spread in his chest. 

‘And besides, it’s not really like it’s a secret. I mean, it’s not like I just want every stranger to know, but all my friends do, and most of my house mates, too, so.’ 

Matteo nods. He can’t really imagine what it’s like, but he does know what it’s like to share a room with three other boys and he imagines it has to be exhausting having to hide something like that. 

‘They always say Hufflepuff is the accepting house, but Slytherins? Once you’re one of them, it’s immediately ride or die.’ 

‘Oh, I know. I think Leonie is still plotting to murder me, just waiting for the right time.’ 

David laughs loudly at that, a rich, honey slick laugh that goes straight to Matteo’s head as if he just took a hit of something strong. 

‘I can’t confirm, nor deny.’ 

‘How do I know you’re not in on this, anyway? For all I know, you’re just a ploy she’s using to get to me.’

David laughs again, turning his head to look at Matteo with so much fondness in his eyes, that Matteo feels wrong just calling them acquaintances anymore. ‘I suppose you can’t really. I might just be waiting for the perfect time to strike’, he says, looking down at Matteo’s lips immediately after, like he means to say something else entirely. 

‘Guess I’ll just have to look out then, won’t I?’ 

Matteo is staring right back at him. He can’t tell if he’s imagining things or if they’re really inching closer and closer to each other, his eyes flicking between David’s mouth and his eyes, and he’s starting to feel hot all over, like he can physically feel the places David’s eyes are landing. He’s so close he sees the tiny freckles under his eyes, the shadows his lashes paint on his cheeks by the faint candle light, can feel his breath warm on his face and then -- 

‘Fuck!’ Matteo jumps up at David’s exclaim and follows suit when he notices him scrambling up as fast as possible, making his way back inside. Way too late, Matteo realizes it’s because of the drops of rain that have slowly started falling down and are quickly picking up speed. 

Getting up and going inside proves to be hard with a foggy mind that’s still stuck a few seconds ago and legs that are about ready to give out any minute now. They had been _so close_ and then nothing.

‘Sorry, I’m just not so keen on having to take a shower right now. I’m pushing it enough by breaking curfew if I want to keep being a prefect.’ He does look genuinely apologetic. All Matteo can do is nod, doesn’t know what else he could possibly do right now. 

‘I guess we should go back to the dorms, then? It’s getting pretty early.’ 

Matteo nods again and just like that, their night is over and it’s like this whole thing never happened. 

He stays shivering ‘till morning. 

***

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay, bro?’, Jonas asks him for what must be the tenth time this week. He’s got his worried, puppy eyes on, that always manage to make Matteo very fond even when he’s trying to be annoyed. 

‘For the one hundredth time, yes, Jonas, I’ll be fine.’

‘Because I can stay here if you prefer. Or it’s not too late to come back home with me, I’m sure my parents won’t mind.’ 

‘Jonas, it’s okay. I can stay by myself for two weeks, I’ll survive. And besides, I won’t be completely alone, there’s always other people that stay.’ 

If he were being honest, he’d say he’s a little bit worried about staying at Hogwarts for the whole christmas break. It’s the first time he’s staying and he’s worried the _christmas_ of it all will bring up memories he’d rather not think about when they’re so unreachable at the moment. He’s worried the castle will stop feeling like home when the people who make it home aren’t in it, and he will be left in a strange place that’s cold wherever he goes. 

But he can’t say that, because he’s not going to ruin Jonas’ christmas by making him stay with him. He’ll be fine, and if he isn’t, well then in two weeks it’ll go back to normal. 

Jonas is still looking at him with that look and Matteo is finding it hard to breathe under the weight of his concern, the weight of his own insecurities. Once he realizes Matteo isn’t going to change his mind, no matter how long he keeps looking at him, he nods out his agreement. ‘Well, you can always write if you want, okay? And I’ll answer immediately no matter what other thing I’m doing at the moment.’ 

‘Jonas, I’m not a child.’ 

‘Yes, I know that, but _you_ know I’ll always worry about you. And besides, it’s not really _just_ about you, anyway, I’d like to spend christmas with you too. I’m headed to spend two weeks with my grandparents saying offensive shit about muggles and uncles who like to think they rule the world just because they’re white purebloods.’ 

‘Aren’t you seeing Hanna?’ He knows she’s always able to calm Jonas down when he gets worked up about the injustice in the world. She has that effect, an eternal calming energy even when nothing else is. 

‘I don’t know. We’re going to try, but she’ll be busy with her family, too, and you know Christmas is never an easy time for them so’, Jonas shrugs. 

She’s told them a little bit about what it’s like over the years and although they have no way of really understanding what it’s like to celebrate a holiday after losing your mother, at least they’re kind of aware of how she’s feeling. . 

Matteo glances at the clock in Jonas’ dorm. ‘Come on, you’re going to miss the train’, he says, clapping him on the back and pushing him forward. 

Together they walk out of the school, Jonas carrying a small suitcase, to the rest of their friends waiting by the carriages bringing them to the train station. 

They all hug him and wish him a good time and then they’re off, and Matteo is left standing alone. He can immediately feel the lack of warmth when he walks back in, like just the departure of his friends was able to take all the heat with it, leaving him shivering. 

He’ll be fine. 

***

The first day after his friends’ departure, Matteo keeps busy and doesn’t talk to anyone, except for a bored ghost that wouldn’t leave in the hallways he’d humored. Drifting around with no aim for eternity must be extremely boring, after all, maybe the conversation he had with Matteo was the highlight of his month. 

He gets another letter from his mom that tells him she understand why he’s staying as he must have a lot of homework and that she doesn’t blame him. She’ll miss him, though, and sends him some of her homemade christmas cake as a substitute for the real gift she’s keeping for him. When Matteo takes the first bite, he almost cries. It tastes just like it did when he was a kid and it makes him so happy to know his mom is feeling good enough to be making things like this, things she so enjoyed doing before everything. 

Half of him wishes he was home to spend the next two weeks with her as it was always her favorite time of year, but the other part of him remembers that when it had gotten bad, it had also been the worst time for her, during which Matteo forgot how to breathe. 

So, he eats cake, feels sad about his situation, walks around a bit. He actually does half of his transfiguration essay before giving up and going to his favorite secluded corner outside to smoke in peace. He eats more cake for dinner and sleeps through breakfast. The trip to the kitchen remedies that, though, and the house elves’ lively conversation fills the loud silence in his head. 

The second day is very much like the first one, and it’s still okay. If his mood stays this way during the whole two weeks, he’ll get through this with his entire mind still intact. He keeps telling himself this over the little voice in the back of his mind repeating that his mood is progressively getting darker and he should really do something about that, before he gets sucked into a dark hole that would take over. 

So, he forces himself to have dinner in the great hall, get some human contact. It’s only when he’s on his way there that he starts wondering who else could still be there. His friends all went home and the other people he casually knows in Hufflepuff are nowhere to be seen, but it hasn’t occurred to him to think of the other people there, maybe feeling just as lonely, and the reason they’re staying instead of going home. 

He walks in and sees all the people left sitting at the same part of the same table, with the teachers who also chose to stay, at the head of it, talking quietly between them. He hasn’t been here since the break started and the bright christmas decorations adorning the entire hall take him by surprise. Somehow, the hall seems smaller than it usually is, like it adjusts to the amount of people in it, which wouldn’t surprise Matteo in the slightest. 

He recognizes some faces when he walks closer, even knows some names from shared lessons and things like that, but no one worth sitting next to, until his eyes suddenly land on a mop of dark hair above dark eyes and pretty lips. 

He didn’t know David was staying. He’s pretty sure it’s a pleasant surprise, at least it’s someone Matteo’s age he _knows_ he can talk to, but at the same time, the flustered state he’s been in recently in David’s presence doesn’t bode well for the prospect of it being the two of them knowing only each other. 

Being alone is still the thing Matteo hates the most in the world, though, and in the end he decides it’s definitely mostly a pleasant surprise. Well, he could’ve seen this coming, really, considering David doesn’t even live with his parents, but he’d just assumed he’d spend the holidays with Laura. Apparently not. 

They’ve never really interacted during the day, except to snark at each other in one class or another, and so Matteo is a little bit unsure if he should go sit next to him, if David even wants him to.

But in the end, there’s a certain kind of power that pulls Matteo to David, and anything beats sitting alone right now. And, so from that point on he always takes his meals with David and it’s surprisingly easy. Maybe he should’ve expected that, seeing as how easy it feels to talk to him during the night; he’s still the same person, the decor is just a bit different, but still he didn’t really see it coming, didn’t know how they’d act around others, if they’d be as honest without the night hiding their vulnerabilities, as playful with an audience. 

And it is a little different, they’re a bit more guarded at first, like David doesn’t really know if the rules are different during the day. Very quickly, the awkwardness ceases to be, though, and their meals are reduced to sneaking looks at the people around them and gently make fun of them, Matteo making a stupid joke and getting hit with pieces of bread, David being snarky whenever Matteo is being stupid and Matteo loving it. It’s talking about light stuff, none of the deep shit from before, which is a whole other side of David Matteo doesn’t know yet, but one that is equally as important. 

He knew David lives with his sister and is trans and doesn’t get on great with his parents, and also that he’s a great Quidditch player and an all-around powerful wizard, but then there’s the fact that he eats his toast with jam but no butter, which Matteo just can’t condone, and the face he makes when he’s trying to suppress his laughter, and how often he rolls his eyes, but never when he’s actually annoyed. He learns about David’s violent distaste for spinach, and the fact that he still always eats it first so he can save the good stuff for the end. He notices David always carries a pencil or pen, and will sometimes mindlessly doodle on a napkin or stray piece of paper, and on occasion Matteo’s hand, when he’s listening to someone talk or just thinking about something. 

Matteo learns so many little details about David that are so intrinsically _him,_ every day he learns something new, that it feels a bit like he’ll never really know him, but he thinks he could spend a lifetime trying. 

Which incidentally is another thing he’s learned from spending time with David; he’s wonderful, even more than Matteo already believed him to be. And that might actually be the biggest discovery of all, how warm Matteo feels at the sight of David’s smile and how his fingertips tingle whenever he learns a new fact about him.

He knows what this means, and he also knows he doesn’t want to get into this again, the gay crush on the (almost, in this case) friend, and so he decides to not think of it. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, he can pretend it isn’t happening, right? And then there’s no need for another age of heartbreaking aching. He’s had enough of that for a long while. 

And so, they spend every meal together, and where Matteo escaped to the kitchens the first few days, now he’s looking forward to the time he gets to spend with him, like a breath of fresh air in the suffocating silence of his solitary activities the remainder of the day. 

They don’t spend time together outside of those few moments, and as much as Matteo wants to ask David to join him to do whatever, he doesn’t, because David seems to know a lot of people and doesn’t seem like the type to get lonely quickly. He never gave an indication that he wanted to spend more time with Matteo, and honestly, he already feels like he’s pushing himself into David’s space most of the time, even though he _knows_ it’s most likely all in his head. 

Until it’s been a week, and he wakes up too late for breakfast in a cold, silent dormitory that has all the marks of other teenage boys living there, but no actual boys to be seen, and Matteo goes back to sleep because he can’t bear going down and having to do more reading or homework he doesn’t want to do, or to smoke again all by himself, which he’s so tired of doing, until it’s almost two and he realizes if he wants to catch lunch with actual people, he has to be quick about it. 

He snatches his weed bag from his bedside table, thinking he could take a walk after lunch. When he arrives in the great hall, most people seem to almost be done already, and he spots David talking to a Slytherin girl Matteo is almost certain is in the year below. He hesitates a bit, thinking maybe David wouldn’t want to spend time with him if there was someone else available, but all those thoughts fly right out of the window when David spots Matteo and waves him over with a smile. 

‘You weren’t at breakfast? I was starting to get worried’, he says, when Matteo sits down, but he doesn’t seem all that bothered, like it’s not really a surprise for Matteo to skip a meal, which he supposes it isn’t, seen as he avoided the place for the first two days of break. 

‘Overslept.’ 

The girl seems to be done with her lunch and makes her leave almost immediately after Matteo arrives, trailing her hand up David’s arm as she does. Matteo is glad she’s gone, and only because he has no energy to interact with strangers right now. It definitely has nothing to do with the dopey look she had on when talking to David. 

‘She into you?’, Matteo asks when she’s out of earshot. They’re not together, at least, Matteo would’ve heard. 

David just shrugs. ‘Probably.’ 

‘And you?’, he finds himself asking before he can stop it. 

David turns his eyes on Matteo, raising his eyebrows with a glimmer in his eyes that’s doing something to Matteo’s insides. ‘And me what?’

‘Are you into her, too?’

David laughs a little at that. ‘Not really. I mean, she’s nice, but --’, he just shrugs. ‘Not really my type, I guess.’

What Matteo really wants to do, is ask David what his type is, and more specifically if his type includes boys, too, but he promised himself he wouldn’t let his thoughts stray that way, and so what he does instead, is fill his plate with things to eat and digs in. 

Matteo isn’t halfway done yet, when David finishes his, but he doesn’t leave like Matteo expected him to. He stays and talks and tells him about that time someone in Slytherin played a prank and turned everything bright pink overnight and how, although it’s far from his favorite color, he still desperately wants to be that person’s friend. 

When Matteo is done eating, too, they still don’t get up and the prospect of going back to being alone might possibly be the bleakest one Matteo has ever heard, so he decides to be impulsive for once, and takes the little weed bag he forgot he had out of his pocket. Making sure it’s out of the teacher’s sight, he holds it up and wiggles it a bit while looking at David with raised eyebrows. ‘Interested?’ 

David is silent for all of two seconds, before he purses his lips and nods. ‘Yeah, sure.’

‘Let’s go then.’ And David follows. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! A quick note to say that i'm not trans, so if there's something i wrote that seems off pls let me know! 
> 
> Tumblr: @vlindervin7


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteo doesn’t entirely get it, but he likes it. It’s sad and beautiful and soothing at the same time, and somehow it fits David perfectly. David, who has his sketchbook on his lap, but keeps looking up at Matteo every few minutes to gently smile at him and make Matteo’s heart beat faster. David who is a little bit mysterious, but sillier and more wonderful than Matteo could ever have predicted. 
> 
> He thinks it should be weird to just be laying here like this, on opposite sides of the dorm room, listening to this sweet music, not speaking or anything. Through the window they can see the snow drifting down to earth, and here inside it’s so warm. It doesn’t feel weird at all. If he’s being honest, Matteo wishes he could crawl onto David’s bed with him and just lay there, see what he’s drawing and how his hands alone create such beautiful images.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, remember when I said I would update this fic every Fridays? Well that was a fucking lie! I've just been very busy lately, but this fic will Not be abandoned, I can promise you that at least.  
> Anyway, I'll try to update more regularly now that exams are done  
> Enjoy!

Matteo exhales and watches the smoke furl out of the open window. The crisp winter air is burning his face, and next to them the fireplace is also doing its job, balancing it all out. 

There’s a white sheen covering the whole landscape before them, the sky a snowy white but the ground still green. He takes another hit of the joint in his hand and passes it over to David when he’s done. 

When he’d walked in, David had looked around with big eyes, landing on the many plants scattered through the hufflepuff common room and the many seating areas covering the whole space, the fireplace shedding its warm light, and then he’d turned to Matteo with a smile and said ‘I like it. It fits you.’ 

Matteo hadn’t realized how much it meant to him that David likes the space he spends most of the year, the place that fills his chest the same way home used to when he was back after long months of being gone. 

They’d settled next to an open window and Matteo had lit up the blunt. 

They’ve been mostly silent, but it surprisingly doesn’t bother Matteo that much. He’d thought he’d feel the need to fill the silence with noise after spending most of last week in the quiet, but turns out it wasn’t the noise he was missing. Just the presence of another human being, someone whose company he enjoys. 

He turns his gaze away from the landscape to set it on David’s profile, the way his throat bobs when he inhales, his long neck. Without looking away from the view, David lifts the corner of mouth. ‘Why are you looking at me?’

Matteo flushes a bit at being discovered and huffs to cover up his embarrassment. ‘You’re hogging the weed, asshole.’

At his words, David does turn to him with raised eyebrows, letting out an unconvinced hmm sounds, before passing it over. 

‘So almost NEWT’s, huh?’, David says, breaking the silence again after a while. Matteo doesn’t think this silence needs to filled, but he doesn’t mind. The air is filled with possibility, there’s no script to follow for moments like these. All you have to do is follow where your mind takes you. 

‘Yeah’, he breathes out. ‘It’s crazy. Feels like just yesterday we saw this all for the first time. ‘

‘Yeah, feels like a lifetime. I can barely remember life before Hogwarts and I don’t much care to, either.’ 

It’s not something Matteo likes to think about too much, the fact that, inevitably, his last day of school will come and his time here will be over forever. Looking out over the grounds and feeling the soft cushions of the love seat under him, he’s filled with a great kind of sadness, a longing that comes with desperately wanting something so impossible, that even even idly entertaining the thought is useless. The end will come whether he wants it to or not.

Matteo’s always had trouble letting go. ‘I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.’ 

David makes a sound like he understands, but has nothing more to say on the matter. ‘Do you know what you want to do after graduation?’ 

And isn’t that the question. Before he answers, Matteo takes another hit of the joint and takes his time breathing out. ‘I don’t know.’ His friends all do, and it seems like everyone has an opinion on what _he_ shoulddo or what he’d be good at, except for Matteo himself. ‘I’m decent at potions and herbology, so it’d make sense to do something with that. A healer maybe, but’, he shrugs. ‘I don’t know.’ 

And isn’t that all there it so say? That he doesn’t know? It’s like people are always expecting him to have a reason or a plan or something to work towards, but sometimes that’s just not the case. 

David nods. ‘I think you’d make a great healer, but I also think you’ll find something you’re more passionate about eventually.’ 

‘Yeah, you’d trust me with your injuries when you become a famous Quidditch player?’ 

‘Oh, of course, I wouldn’t let anyone else touch them’, David answers with humor in his voice. 

Matteo snorts, but the topic is making him genuinely curious. ‘Is that really what you want to do, though?’ 

‘What, be a professional Quidditch player? God, no. It’s just a fun hobby.’ 

‘What then?’

David braces himself like what he’s about to say is some dark secret no one is privy to but him and a select few. 

He stubs the joint out when he realizes it’s burned out and then turns to Matteo with a subtle hint of a smile hiding in his features. ‘Okay, don’t laugh’, he says, forcing a stern look on his face. 

Matteo can’t help but make fun of him a little bit, gently. He can’t imagine what David Schreibner could want to do that’s so embarrassing. ‘No, wait, let me guess, I know. You secretly want to become a background dancer for _pixies and dragons_. No need to explain, dude, I get it.’ 

David rolls his eyes, but he can’t hide the laugh that’s threatening to spill out, the amusement in his eyes. ‘Oh, my God.’ 

‘Hey, I’m not judging, that lead singer’s pretty hot.’ Matteo’s own laughter is spilling over and he can’t contain it anymore. 

‘You need to stop talking.’ 

Matteo answers by letting out an embarrassing bout of giggles. David’s glare turns stronger by the second and eventually, Matteo forces himself to sober up. ‘Okay, okay, tell me, I won’t laugh, promise.’ 

‘Well’, David says, just looking at Matteo with a suppressed smile adorning his face. ‘You know movies, right?’ 

‘Um, yeah? Like, muggle movies?’ This isn’t the direction Matteo had expected this conversation to go, if he’s being honest. Purebloods don’t normally know about these things, never mind pronounce the words correctly. 

David nods in response. ‘I want to make them.’ 

Well. That is definitely surprising. ‘What do you mean make them?’

‘Like make them. Come up with a story, film it, edit it, all that shit.’ Matteo must be looking at him weirdly, because David breathes out an embarrassed laugh, his cheeks turning a reddish tint. ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m a pureblood, it’s so surprising, I know what you’re thinking.’ 

Matteo forces his face to look less surprised. ‘Get that a lot, huh?’ 

At this, David’s skin darkens even more. ‘I don’t really tell people. My sister knows, but that’s about it. I usually tell people I don’t know yet.’ 

‘Oh.’ Something warm is spreading in his chest, sending sparks all over, like a warm blanket and a hot drink after a cold day. Matteo doesn’t know what to do with this feeling. ‘But, why movies?’ 

David shrugs, looking out of the window, away from Matteo now. ‘Muggle art’s so beautiful to me. I’ve always been fascinated by it, every medium. It’s like, because they don’t have magic, they have to get really creative and it produces beautiful things. Museums and galleries and art books, they’re all things the wizard world doesn’t have, because magic has made us creatively lazy, and I don’t want to be like that.’ He’s quiet for a while. ‘It’s like they’ve come up with a whole kind of magic of their own, and I want to make part of it.’ 

He turns his head to look at Matteo. ‘I want to make beautiful things and tell stories, and I fell in love with movies the most when they showed us one in muggle studies. That’s what I wanna do.’ 

‘That’s really cool.’ 

‘Yeah?’, David asks, like he’s doubting Matteo’s sincerity, but for once, Matteo is being 100% truthful. He couldn’t lie right now if he tried. 

‘Yeah. I think that’s amazing.’ 

David smiles with all his teeth and it’s like the sun is suddenly breaking through the grey clouds.

***

It is cold. It is cold and there’s wind, and Matteo forgot his gloves and he’s also suspended three meters above the ground, with David beneath wearing a stupid grin on his face. _He_ doesn’t look bothered by the cold, the only indication he’s feeling it at all, being the tip of his nose and cheeks being bright red, his green scarf wrapped tight around his neck. He sniffles once in while, but he isn’t the one who forget his gloves and so, looks completely fine.

He’s also standing steadily on the ground, which probably has something to do with it. 

‘Yeah, you’re doing great, Matteo, just like that!’, he shouts from where he’s standing. 

‘Shut up!’, Matteo yells back.

When Matteo had admitted to not having used a broom ever since those few lessons in first year this morning at breakfast, David had balked at him like he’d lost his mind. It must have something to do with being a Quidditch player, they all feel so grossly _passionate_ about flying and everything associated with it.

After he’d gotten over his initial shock and insult, he’d told Matteo he’d be teaching him how to fly that very day after breakfast, and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer, no matter how much Matteo protested he’d rather stay on the ground as that was what humans were supposed to do.

Well, he says he was protesting, but he can’t say it was exactly passionate. The second David had said: ‘I refuse to be friends with someone who hasn’t flown in six years’, Matteo knew he’d give in. He knows he’s ridiculous, but knowing that David considered them friends warmed something inside him. It might be the fact that he hasn’t been in contact with his other friends outside of owls in over a week, or because of the stupid swooping feeling in his stomach that accompanies David’s smiles, but it was definitely there, and Matteo had no real intention of stopping it. 

And so here he is, very much against his will and freezing, but at least David is smiling up at him and so it really can’t be that bad. 

‘Come on, try going a bit higher!’

‘Do you want me to _die_ , David?’ 

David laughs at his dramatics and it’s such a lovely sound, Matteo almost forgets he has to pretend to be offended. 

‘You’re not going to die, dumbass. You barely come above my head. Even if you fall - and I say _if_ ‘cause it’s very unlikely - I doubt you’d even break anything.’ 

‘That doesn’t help, asshole. I don’t want to break anything, either.’ 

Objectively, _objectively,_ Matteo is aware of his gross exaggerating. Like David said, he barely comes above his head, and he’s going at a snail speed, flying tiny little circles around the boy on the ground. Not like he cares, this isn’t fun at all. 

Even from his _very wide_ distance (shut up, David), he sees David rolling his eyes at him and the little smile he’s trying to pretend isn’t there. Matteo notices it, though. You can’t get past his observation skills, no, sir. 

‘At least try to go a little bit faster.’ 

This Matteo can do, maybe. He picks up a little speed, and okay, he has to admit there’s something pleasant about the wind going through his hair and the weightless feeling he has. ‘I hate you.’ 

David laughs again. Well, at least someone is having a good time. 

‘You know I do this multiple times a week right? Dozens of meters higher, in very bad weather circumstances. While people throw _wooden balls_ my way.’ 

Matteo recognizes an immature joke hidden in that sentence, but he doesn’t act upon it. ‘Well, if you choose to put your life in danger that often, that’s not my fucking problem. I’m being _forced_ here.’ 

This time David gives him a lovely combination of laughing and rolling his eyes at the same. ‘Okay, you know what, this is getting us nowhere. Come back down.’ 

‘You can’t tell me what to do’, Matteo answers just to be a little shit, and showing his absolute contrary behavior, he even picks up speed a little bit and spins a circle around David. 

‘Oh, _now_ he can fly.’ 

This time, it’s Matteo’s turn to laugh. He keeps this up for a while but eventually decides he wants to hear what David has to say more than he wants to be doing this. 

He lands next to David on the ground. ‘Yes?’

David fondly shakes his head at him, then looks down at his hands wrapped around the broom tightly enough to whiten his knuckles. ‘You know you don’t have to grip it so tightly, right?’ 

Matteo shrugs. ‘Don’t care.’

David shakes his head again, before saying: ‘Okay, move over.’

‘What?’ 

He makes an impatient shooing movement. ‘Move backwards. I’m going to show you how it’s really done.’

Matteo certainly does not make an embarrassing squeaking noise at that. ‘With me still on here?’ 

David looks at him like he’s being stupid for thinking otherwise. ‘Yeah? I want you to see what I’m doing.’ 

Numbly, Matteo makes place for David, not ready to be pressed up against him like that. David easily swings his his leg over the broom, placing his hands on it with the ease only someone who does this often has. 

‘Okay, come a bit closer.’ 

Reluctantly, Matteo gets closer, his front lightly touching his back and wow, it’s a lot. He’s so close. He can feel his body heat radiating from under his many layers, and if he wanted to, Matteo could put his lips on David’s cheek -- 

‘Put your arms around me’, David interrupts his interior monologue at the exact right time, or maybe the worst one, depending how you look at it, turning his head slightly so Matteo sees his smirk. ‘Don’t want you to fall now, do we?’ 

‘Wait, _fall_? I’m trusting you here, you better not make me fall.’ 

David laughs. ‘Better hold on tight then, spider monkey.’ 

And then he’s soaring upwards and Matteo is tightening his arms as much as he can, while his heart drops all the way down. He doesn’t know where he finds the strength to yell out: ‘Did you just quote Twilight at me, Schreibner?’, but if there’s a chance to tease David then Matteo will always take it. 

‘You recognized that, huh?’

He wants to reply telling David of the brief, but intense, Twilight phase Hanna had gone through in which she’d forced Matteo to watch them all with her multiple times, and although he’d always been Team Edward, fourteen-year old Matteo had also very much enjoyed the werewolf’s tendencies to go through life shirtless and ripped. He doesn’t say that, though, because then they’re so far up the ground Matteo has the urge to close his eyes, and are going so fast he doesn’t think he’d get his mouth to work if he wanted to. 

Fuck David and his convincing talents, and fuck Matteo, too, for falling for it. He presses his head into David’s shoulder blades and tries simply focusing on the feeling of his strong back against his forehead and how naturally it feels to hold him. The wind in his hair. 

‘You good?’, David asks. 

‘I hate you’, he yells back.

After a few minutes, when it’s clear Matteo probably won’t fall off, he feels brave enough to open his eyes and take a look and okay. Maybe he gets some of the appeal. The view up here is breathtaking. Matteo always likes to go as high as he can, but even the astronomy tower doesn’t offer this type of view. He can see the mountains and beyond from here, the top of the forbidden forest and how wide it stretches, and Hogwarts looking magical and beautiful against it all. The frozen black lake glistening in the winter sunlight. He almost forgets what he’s doing, too distracted by what he’s seeing and how the sight instantly brings him peace. 

He breathes out an ‘oh’, apparently loud enough for David to hear, because he turns his head a bit with a smile. ‘Yeah?’

‘Still not a fan of the speed, but this is really pretty.’ 

They slow down significantly at his words and Matteo’s heart settles a bit, but then goes crazy again for other reasons. David humms. ‘As much fun as the game and adrenaline is, this is my favorite part, too.’ 

Matteo rests his head against David’s back again, sideways this time so he can still easily admire the view. David’s steady breathing under his cheek, and the sun on his face, Matteo thinks he should have realized that this idea was dangerous indeed, but for another reason than the one he imagined entirely. 

Then, it starts snowing and for once, Matteo is glad David flies so fast.

***

In between warming up their hands and getting all the snow off their jackets as fast as they could, fingers itchy with the sudden warmth back inside the castle, and the laughter that comes with the first snow of the year and the ridiculous feeling of being frozen to the bones, David suggests they go back to his room to just chill a bit. 

Matteo has to admit he’s always been a bit curious as to what the Slytherin common room looks like, and more recently, he’s also been wondering about David’s room and how he chose to decorate it. The Slytherins are always so damn mysterious when it comes to their common room, and Matteo has never been able to figure out if it was just for show or if there’s genuinely something special hidden down there. 

‘Doesn’t this violate some kind of Slytherin code?’, Matteo asks after agreeing. 

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know, letting a Hufflepuff into the Slytherin quarters? Doesn’t that go against your Slytherin values?’

David turns to look at Matteo while walking, laughs like _Matteo_ is the ridiculous one and not the Slytherins for acting the way they do. ‘Are you asking if you’ll turn to dust if you step a foot inside?’ 

‘ _No’,_ Matteo rolls his eyes, ‘It’s just -- You’re all always so mysterious about it. Like, the Hufflepuff common room is always filled with other people and the Gryffindor invite damn near everyone to their parties. Even the Ravenclaws hold these long interhousial debates. But you guys? I don’t know.’ 

There seems to be some kind of truth in what Matteo just said, because David seems to think it over before shrugging. ‘I don’t know, guess we’re just a bit more private. Sara’s over all the time, though, and Amira’s brothers, too. It’s not that big a deal.’

They’ve arrived in a part of the castle that Matteo is less familiar with. He needs to pass it to go to Potions class, and of course the prefects had shown it to him on his first day at school, but other than that, he’s never had a reason to be here. 

The hallways are getting a bit narrower the deeper they go, and then it’s a part of the school Matteo has never been. It should feel a bit weird, but David’s presence somehow makes it less so. It’s not something that’s unknown to Matteo, rather it’s something new that David is showing to him, and those things are very different in Matteo’s head. 

Eventually they end up in front of a bare stretch of stone wall, two candles adorning it and shedding a dark light over the hallway. David turns to Matteo with a smirk and raised eyebrows, his head tilted sideways. ‘Ready?’ 

For some reason, Matteo almost wants to say no. He’s strangely nervous, like what’s behind those walls will show him something he’s not ready for quite yet. He doesn’t want to let David know his stupid feelings, though, so he just nods. David seems to see right through his attempts at looking tough, because then he smirks again, before turning to the wall and whispering something Matteo can’t make out. 

At his words, the walls start to shift and change, until behind it, a passageway is revealed with candles on the walls. It’s the type of passage Matteo expects to be cold and humid, but when he follows David’s lead into it, it’s really not. It’s pleasantly warm as it is everywhere else in the castle, and the gloomy feeling is the work of the candles only. 

It’s not a very long passage, and it doesn’t take them more than thirty seconds to make it out. 

It’s not what Matteo was expecting. 

‘Ta-da!’, David exclaims ironically, holding his arms wide open. 

They’re not the only ones there, two first-years are talking next to the big open fire and one upperclassman is lost in his book. It’s very quiet, though, but it’s a good quiet. One that feels peaceful instead of suffocating. 

It’s not gloomy or humid or dirty, or anything you would associate with the dungeons. Instead, there’s a pleasant glow, and there are leather loveseats everywhere. Tables with chess boards and desk for homework are scattered in the room. There’s a greenish tint over everything and it’s a little darker than Matteo preferes, but he can’t say he doesn’t like. 

‘It’s… cozy.’

David snorts at that. ‘What, were you expecting? Green light and coffins, or something?’

‘Well, considering you’re not a vampire, no, I didn’t.’ 

‘Who says we’re not?’

‘You would’ve bitten me long ago, I’m too delicious to resist.’ 

David barks out a laugh, and Matteo feels stupidly proud of himself. 

‘Sure of yourself, are you? Aren’t you always cold? I can’t imagine that makes for a good meal.’ 

Before Matteo has the chance to properly whine at that, David is already making his way up the stairs to what Matteo assumes is his dormitory. Turns out he’s right. 

He’s expected something more, but overall they don’t look much different to the other houses. The only real difference being the color of the drapes around the four beds. There’s a few windows that look out right over the grounds, situated in way that would give a view of people’s legs passing. They have a great view of lake, though.

He immediately recognizes David’s side of the room, because along with some pictures of his sister and his friends, there are several drawings stuck to the wall, some magic and some not. ‘Did you make these?’ 

David nods from where he’s watching Matteo take it all in by the entrance. 

‘Nice.’ 

He stops when his eye catches a low cabinet next to at the foot of David’s bed. 

‘You have a radio in here?’ David’s knowledge of muggle technology is already impressive, but having an actual radio is something else. ‘Does it work?’ 

David nods, pushes a button to open the top and close it again. ‘One of Laura’s friends is muggleborn and he explained it to me. I can use this one because it doesn’t run on electricity, all I need are batteries.’

Matteo doesn’t want to break his enthusiasm by pointing out that batteries do, in fact, also run on electricity, but it doesn’t seem that important right now. Not when David is looking so excited, his eyes shining like showing this to Matteo is the most exciting thing to have ever happened to him. And well, considering what David has told him about his fascination for muggle technology and art, music included, it wouldn’t surprise him if this is, in fact, the thing David is most attached to in this room. Matteo wishes he could show him iPods and the Spotify app on his phone. 

He wants to show David lots of things if only the spark in his eyes would never burn out, and he doesn’t have enough energy to dissect what that means at the moment. All he knows is David’s happiness is making something warm bloom in his chest, something that should be protected at all cost. 

‘You know I have a tv in my room? It works and everything’, he finds himself saying. David’s eyes land on Matteo at that, all the excitement gone from them, replaced instead by something a bit more intense that Matteo can’t decipher. He’s not saying anything, though, and the silence is making Matteo’s skin crawl. ‘I mean, it doesn’t get any signal or anything like that, but DVD’s work. Hanna’s muggleborn and she always takes brings with her from home and then we watch them together. That’s why I know Twilight. Hans used to join us sometimes, but he’s not here anymore, so. It’s mostly me and Hanna now, the others don’t really get the appeal, I guess. Why are you looking at me like that?’ 

Matteo had started rambling when it became apparent David wasn’t going to say anything. He’d only shared the information because he knows David loves muggle movies, but now he’s somehow thinking maybe he shouldn’t have shared that as David isn’t responding and he can’t read his face. 

The question seems to shake him out of whatever David was thinking. ‘How? I mean, I’ve been trying to find a tv or something that runs on batteries forever and you just -- How did you do that?’ 

‘Oh.’ And then Matteo’s blushing. ‘It doesn’t run on batteries or anything. I charmed it to work at Hogwarts.’ 

‘You _charmed_ it?’, David asks and this time Matteo can very clearly hear what’s hidden in his voice, the wonder and awe clear and there for the taking. 

‘It’s nothing special. I just -- figured out how the tv works and then I found a spell that would work for it and that’s it.’

‘ _Nothing special?_ Matteo that’s -- that’s so fucking impressive.’

Hiding behind his hair and looking at the ground, Matteo pulls away from the appreciation, not knowing how to deal with David talking about him as if he’s some kind of genius, when really, all that happened is that one summer he was feeling particularly sad to leave his mom and their movie nights, that he spent a few days at the library and inspecting an extra tv set he found second hand online, to take something of the tradition with him to school. It’s not like he put that much effort into it or anything. Mostly, he was just bored. ‘Not really.’ 

David is not taking that as answer, though. ‘Yes, it is. Matteo, you have to show me’, he says then, lowering his head a bit to be able to look Matteo in the eye, looking like Matteo’s answer is the most important thing in the world right now. 

‘You want me to show you my room, huh?’ 

David picks up on the teasing undertone, because his ears flush a bit. He doesn’t let it deter him from his goal. ‘Yes.’ 

Matteo lets out a laugh that’s more an exhale of breath than actual sound. ‘Sure, I’ll show it to you. You can even join our movie nights if you want.’

His smile is so wide and Matteo’s insides do a summersault. ‘I’d love to.’

Time to direct the attention off of him. ‘So, you have any CD’s?’ 

‘No, I just went to all this trouble to have a radio here, but I don’t use it.’ 

Matteo rolls his eyes at David’s dry tone. ‘Well, show me then.’ 

‘Where are your manners, mr Florenzi’, David tsks, opening the drawer under the radio anyway. 

‘Have you ever seen me use my manners?’, he replies, ignoring the effects the nickname has on his body. 

David looks to be contemplating for all of two seconds, before deciding that Matteo’s right and just nodding like he has a point. Then, he takes a step back and sweeps a hand over the open drawer to display the rows and rows of CD’s carefully stacked away. 

‘Wow.’ 

There’s a lot. His mom has a decent collection at home, but even she had eventually opted to get a Spotify account and stopped buying CD’s, just like she’d gotten a membership to a streaming site instead of buying tons of DVD’s. Matteo always used to look through them for hours when he was little and bored, rearranging them by color and favorites. He understands that it’s cheaper and easier all around, but secretly he’s always thought it to be a little bit of a shame to not have a physical copy to pin the memory on, easy to find when you want to revisit the moment you watched it or listened to it, instead of having them all drift through your mind without order. 

His mom’s collection is nothing compared to this, though. Matteo recognizes some names here and there, but most artists are unfamiliar to him. Laughing quietly, he fishes one copy out of it and holds it up with raised eyebrows. David’s cheeks turn red and as he rolls his eyes, Matteo laughs a bit harder. 

‘Shut up, it was only fifty cents.’ 

‘I bet you dance to this when you’re alone.’ 

David’s cheek darken just a bit more and Matteo can’t stop laughing. ‘I do _not_ ’, David exclaims, but under all his passionate disagreement, there’s a laugh hiding, too. ‘Give it back, you’re so annoying.’ 

‘Isn’t that what makes me beautiful?’ 

David snatches the case out of his hands, unable to hide his laughing. ‘Oh, my god, I hate you so much.’

Matteo dramatically pushes his hand against his chest. ‘Ow, never thought it’d hurt so bad.’

‘Okay, that’s enough’, David says, plucking the CD out of Matteo’s hands. Once it’s put back in its place, he closes the drawer and turns his gaze on Matteo once more. ‘How come you know so much about it, then?’ 

Matteo shrugs. ‘Can’t really escape it in the muggle world.’ 

David squints his eyes like he doesn’t entirely believe that claim. Matteo’s isn’t _really_ lying. One summer he’d spent a lot of time at his aunt’s house and his cousin had been obsessed and kept talking about them whenever she could, so it was inescapable in a way, Matteo just doesn’t have a valid excuse as to why he kept watching the music videos with her. At the time he hadn’t figured it out yet, had blamed it on boredom, but now… 

‘Bet you had a thing for the blonde kid. I think you’d go for the cute type.’ 

And wow, he can’t tell if David is joking, but it almost feels like he just read his mind. ‘Eh, I was always more into Zayn.’

At David’s confused look, Matteo continues: ‘You know, the mysterious one, with the dark hair and eyes.’ 

He’s not sure what he’s doing, except that it feels dangerous and exciting and definitely not subtle. David doesn’t drop his gaze. 

Matteo clears his throat and looks away. ‘Anyway, play me something?’ 

David seems to be shaking himself out of something, too. ‘Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.’ 

He doesn’t pick out one of his CD’s, just presses play and Matteo can’t help feeling like he’s going to be let into a part of David not many people know, the words he listens to when he’s alone, the mood he creates for himself. 

A soft melody comes out of the speakers, heavy on the guitar, and then a deep voice singing the words as if they float on air. 

_I had a thought, dear, however scary,_ and Matteo goes to lay down on one of the beds opposite David’s. David sits down on his own. 

_I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we can just kiss like real people do_

Matteo doesn’t entirely get it, but he likes it. It’s sad and beautiful and soothing at the same time, and somehow it fits David perfectly. David, who has his sketchbook on his lap, but keeps looking up at Matteo every few minutes to gently smile at him and make Matteo’s heart beat faster. David who is a little bit mysterious, but sillier and more wonderful than Matteo could ever have predicted. 

He thinks it should be weird to just be laying here like this, on opposite sides of the dorm room, listening to this sweet music, not speaking or anything. Through the window they can see the snow drifting down to earth, and here inside it’s so warm. It doesn’t feel weird at all. If he’s being honest, Matteo wishes he could crawl onto David’s bed with him and just lay there, see what he’s drawing and how his hands alone create such beautiful images.

A few songs pass like this, and then _My lover’s got humor_ and Matteo is paying attention again. ‘Oh, I know this song.’

David looks up at him. ‘You do?’

‘Yeah, it used to play constantly a few years back.’

He hadn’t really been listening to it back then, though, only heard it in passing on tv or walking around. His parents had still been living together and he didn’t think the warm feeling he got from spending time with Jonas meant something other than friendship back then. Life had been easy, mostly, and the words hadn’t meant anything to him. 

Now, he thinks they might mean a little too much. 

The song passes and the snow keeps falling and David keeps sketching and Matteo feels more at ease than he has in a very long time. 

Not soon after, he falls asleep.

*** 

Before Matteo has realized, Christmas break has passed, and Christmas morning has arrived, which means there’s only two days left until the rest of Hogwarts’ students come back and the year picks up again. 

The time has been passed with David, mostly, exploring parts of the castle they didn’t know yet, getting to know each other better, and just generally having a good time. Matteo is almost happy he stayed, where at the beginning, he was near devastated. It definitely beats a Christmas break spent at home, feeling like all the air he gathered in his lungs over his time at Hogwarts, is slowly being sucked dry until it’s getting hard to breathe again.

He still feels a little bit guilty about abandoning his mother during a time this important to her, but there’s nothing he can do about it now, and so he decides to send her some of the cookies he baked in the kitchen, while the house elves graciously let him lend their space for a few hours. It doesn’t replace his presence, but at least it’s a sign that he’s thinking of her and that she’s still important to him, no matter the time they spend apart. 

At the last minute, he’d started doubting if he and David were at that friendship level when presents are required, as they’ve really only been hanging out regularly these past weeks if you don’t count their midnight conversations. He’d gone from being a mere acquaintance to a person Matteo feels like he can tell anything to rapidly, and so, not knowing what to do, he had sent him some cookies too, to be delivered to his dorm room come Christmas morning. 

And the time is finally here. When he was little, and when his dad sometimes still made the effort to be there during important moments for the family, Christmas morning had been one of Matteo’s favorite moments of the year, the one he anticipated the minute november began. He’d wake up early, but somehow when he get downstairs everything had been set up already and his mom was there waiting for him, and the entire time was spent unwrapping presents and exchanging hugs and drinking warm chocolate before they played games or watched movies. When he got older and noticed his mom went to midnight mass every year, he’d wanted to come with, and it wasn’t exactly the mass itself that made it so exciting for him, it was the walking through the dark streets later than he’d ever been allowed to stay up, holding his mom’s hand, and all the nice people at church who fawned over his smile and how big he’d gotten. 

The whole day had been about love and warmth, and he misses it now, opening his gifts alone in his room. He almost considers saying _fuck it_ and leaving to get out of here, but he forces himself to open them anyway with the knowledge that his friends probably put a lot of thought in the gifts and he should give them the attention they deserve.

Turns out he was right. Every single gift he’s gotten from his friends, makes it clear they do care about him and want to see him happy. Most of them aren’t anything big, just small things, but the notes they sent with and the careful packaging and the thought that went into them, make their value indescribable. He gets choked up a few times, thinking how lucky he is to have friends like these.

Even Amira, who doesn’t even celebrate Christmas, sent him something small with a card that said she hopes his time at Hogwarts wasn’t too bad and that she’s excited to see him again soon, that she’s been thinking about him. 

Behind the pile of gifts all from people he expected them from, is one extra package however, that he can’t quite place. It’s not very big, packed in white paper with drawn all along it, little reindeers jumping around and snow falling and clocks chiming. At first glance, Matteo had taken it for regular store bought magic wrapping paper, but when he takes it in his hands to open it, he notices the figures have actually been drawn on the paper by hand and then magicked to move around. 

There’s immediately one person Matteo thinks of when seeing the craft, one person he’s hoping it is, but he’s doesn’t dare hope too much. 

He forces himself to calm down and carefully opens the package, making sure he doesn’t rip anything in the process. Once, the wrapping paper is completely gone, a tiny object is revealed. Matteo doesn’t immediately get what it is because the size is so surprising, but when he takes a closer look, it becomes clear what he’s holding in his hands and when he does, he almost can’t believe it. 

A tiny red turntable is in the palm of his hand, looking exactly the same as a normal one does, except it isn’t connected to anything. If Matteo wasn’t a wizard, he’d assume this was just a regular wind up toy that would play a little tune when asked, but as it is, he knows it’s most likely more. 

There doesn’t seem to be a switch of any kind to be found, so thinking like a rational wizard for once, Matteo takes his wand out of his pocket and taps it against the tiny table in his hand, hoping nothing disastrous comes out of it. 

When the turntable suddenly comes to life, turning the vinyl on the stand, Matteo holds his breath. Clear notes are produced in the air and he’s just realizing what they’re playing when the words _Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you’_ come out of it and his heart is beating so fast.

There’s only one person who could possibly have made this for him, only one person who knows the meaning behind this song and what it means to Matteo, the weight it carries. The hope he tried to suppress earlier, but couldn’t quite get rid of, has turned into a violent fluttering against his ribcage as if his emotions are about to break free, too vast to be contained by his small body. 

The song is still playing when he realizes tears are building in his eyes. He blinks them away. 

_Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me._

Most of his friends don’t really know what happened with his mom, and the ones who do never dare to bring her up or do anything to remind Matteo of her, too careful with their words, but too obvious with their warning glances at each other when one of them messes up. David is the first person to understand that just because it hurts a little, that doesn’t mean he can’t think of her and still love her, that it’s _only_ hurt. Listening to the song with the exact quality and crackling background noise it had when it played in his mother’s kitchen, and knowing he now has access to it whenever he wants, is so much. He doesn’t know how to react to this. 

Sometimes he wishes he could be in his mother’s company or talk to her without the baggage being present, too, but because at the moment he can’t, he knows this will be a good replacement. At least, he can get the feeling of being close to her. 

It’s incredible how David has somehow gotten to understand Matteo so much better in the few weeks they’ve been hanging out, than most of his friends over the years. And, of course, he loves them a lot and he’s so grateful to have them in his life, but it also feels so good to just _be_ and not have to explain yourself constantly and in detail before the other person gets it. 

In vain, he tries to stop the warm feeling from spreading everywhere at the thought of David, but soon he’s buzzing and he’s smiling like an idiot and he can’t deny what he wants anymore. What he wants is David and maybe, just maybe there’s a chance he might like him back.

He doesn’t know if he’s quite ready to make a move, to put himself out there, but just sitting with it and having that knowledge is enough for now. 

***

After getting dressed and spending a little more time with his thoughts and gifts, Matteo walks down the stairs. It’s almost eleven and he’s sure the Hogwarts feast must have something extra special prepared for breakfast today. Walking through the corridors, it’s clear that the decorations have been turned up a notch. All the armors have been charmed into different festive colors. Bells and trinkets are adorning the walls. He notices a few branches of mistletoe hanging from doorways and walls, charmed no doubt, and Matteo makes a mental note to be careful not to step under them. 

Before arriving in the dining hall, he sees David walking his way, no doubt also being on his way to eat, and suddenly, just like that, Matteo’s nerves flare up again. He’s not really over how thoughtful his gift was, doesn’t think he’ll ever be, and he’s lost as to what to do, how to react, what to say to David now that he’s in front of him. 

He can’t run from it, though, and doesn’t particularly want to. David sees him a few seconds after Matteo did and gives him such a wide, beautiful smile, he has to be careful not to fall off the last three steps. 

Once they’re in front of each other, he does not know what to say, but he doesn’t have to, because David beats him to it. ‘Merry Christmas, Matteo.’ 

This Matteo can do. ‘Merry Christmas.’ 

It’s so awkward. They’re both smiling and just standing there looking at each other, like they haven’t spent the last week together. ‘So’, Matteo finally gets out, ‘thanks for the gift.’

David shrugs like it’s nothing. ‘No problem.’

‘No, I’m serious, it’s… It honestly means a lot.’ 

David smile is directed to the ground this time and his cheeks are turning red again. ‘I was scared to overstep, but I’m glad you like it.’ 

‘My present doesn’t really compare, sorry.’ 

David smiles off his apology. ‘It was perfect, I love them.’ 

And then it’s awkward again. Matteo shakes his head a bit. ‘Let’s go have breakfast then?’ 

David nods, but when they make an attempt to go forward, it seems they’re stuck to the ground. 

_Where do you think you’re going, there is something I miss. It’s Christmas morning, why don’t you celebrate with a kiss?_

Looking up, Matteo notices they’ve accidentally stopped under a mistletoe branch that seems to be singing to them. And he’d been so careful not to find himself in this position, but one glance at David and his entire plan flew to the back of his mind. Feelings really are the worst. 

‘Well’, Matteo says, looking back at David. ‘Seems like we’re stuck.’

David’s cheeks are red and Matteo’s heart is beating at fifty miles a minutes. How can something simultaneously be a dream and a nightmare? 

David laughs awkwardly, and he looks way too uncomfortable for Matteo to handle. ‘Seems like it.’ And okay, it’s not like Matteo wouldn’t rather be anywhere else, but is the prospect of having to kiss Matteo making him feel that uneasy?

He can’t actually kiss David right now, can he? He doesn’t want to do it like this, when David is clearly not into it, and because some stupid charmed mistletoe told them to. It doesn’t happen a lot that Matteo hates magic, but he kind of does right now. 

They’re not really looking at each other and they’re both hungry. Above them, the plant is saying _tick tock tick tock_. Matteo loves plants of all kinds, but he kind of wants to just rip this one out. 

Okay, okay, this is no big deal, who ever said it had to be a kiss on the lips anyway. No one is going to take his first kiss with a boy, someone he actually really likes, away from him. He won’t let them.

He takes a breath and tries to catch David’s eyes, before getting closer and putting one of his hands on his left cheek. They’re so close and David’s eyelashes are close enough to count again, and Matteo hasn’t let himself think about the moment on the tower since it happened, convinced he’d made it all up, but now it’s all coming back, how much he enjoys being this close to David and getting to feel his breath. 

His eyes are wide and the world is silent around them. 

Matteo closes his eyes and then, he puts his lips against David’s other cheek. Finally, after all this time, he has an answer to his eternal question. David’s cheeks really are as hot to the touch as they’re rosy, so soft against Matteo’s lips. 

When Matteo pulls away, David looks like he’s not breathing. 

_There we go, that’s what we like to see. Not that we’d have minded a bit more, the tension is sparkling off of you too._

Matteo takes in a breath and forces himself to calm down before he actually does rip it from the ceiling. ‘Shut the fuck up’, he says then, when he’s sufficiently calm. 

It seems to break the tension a bit, David laughing at it and consequently breathing again. 

‘Breakfast?’ 

‘Let’s go.’ 

Matteo’s heart continues beating out of his chest all the way to the great hall and beyond. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does David know so much abt movies and also Twilight? Because since that one lesson i which they showed him one, he's been spending his summers in muggle movie theaters and learning everything he can about it! I love him!  
> Sorry for the cringey pop culture references. When people say a story has its own life, this is what they mean  
> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Tumblr: @Vlindervin7


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long but i just want to say i appreciate all the comments and ppl on tumblr asking me abt it! i hope you like this chapter

‘Hey, Luigi, turn around!’ 

Matteo should know better than to obey without explanation. After all, his friends aren’t to be trusted. He’s barely done turning when he’s hit with something very hard, very wet, and very cold. A snowball. 

As none of his friends were here when it started to snow, Matteo had completely forgotten about their longstanding tradition of having a snowball fight the minute they can. It’s always brutal and when Matteo is prepared for it, he’s a snake on the field, a master at catching his opponents off guard with a sneak attack, surprisingly even more so than the actual Slytherins in his friend group. 

So maybe he wasn’t prepared for it this time, that doesn’t mean he can’t catch up to them and turn into battle mode. Next to him, David seems to be dying of laughter and after sending him a very impressive glare, if he does say so himself, Matteo silently vows to get him back for it later. 

Right now, though, more important revenge actions are waiting for him. He scans the field for potential offensors, which doesn’t prove that easy as all the students have more or less arrived from the train station at the same time. He spots Mohammed and Amira talking to his right, but he doesn’t think it could’ve been either of them. The fact that they called him Luigi really only singles out a few of his friends. 

David is still laughing next to him, like he’s never seen anything this funny, which would honestly be a little bit sad, and Matteo’s just about to say something about it, when he spots his boys very casually making their way to the castle. They’re not fooling anyone, though, pretending to be deep in conversation and doing their very best to Not look over at Matteo. 

Abdi is looking particularly shifty, but that doesn’t have to mean anything as he always looks guilty of something. In the end it doesn’t matter which one of them actually threw it, as Matteo knew they were all in on it. 

He uses the fact that they’re Not looking at him to his advantage. He crouches down to the ground to roll a ball, all the while his eyes never leave his targets. He slowly gets a little bit closer to them, because although he’s the best at sneak attacks, his aim isn’t always perfect. He sends up a silent prayer and throws his snow ball before it melts in his hands. He’s learned over the years that the trick is to not hesitate, throw when your instincts tell you to and throw with all you have. 

He’s holding his breath the entire way the ball flies through the air, and then --

‘Fuck!’

_Yes!_ Carlos is frantically trying to get the ice off him as fast as possible, which is another thing Matteo’s learned over the years. Yes, it’s very tempting to not be cold, but you lose precious time _and_ you make yourself an easy target. ‘I didn’t even throw it, that was Jonas!’, he screams Matteo’s way. Matteo knew it. 

‘You’re ruthless’, David remarks from Matteo’s side. In the heat of the game, Matteo had almost forgotten he was there and he’s suddenly a little nervous David will laugh at him or think it’s all a stupid game. 

Matteo shrugs. ‘Don’t you know? All’s fair in love and war.’ 

David raises an eyebrow at that, but he doesn’t get time to respond, because then Matteo is already throwing another ball his friends’ way who are still just standing there, seemingly discussing battle strategies. This one hits Jonas right on the head, and then the game really gets going. 

Jonas retaliates, but instead of getting Matteo who ducks away at the last moment, he hits David and no matter who much Jonas apologizes, David is not letting that slide. Matteo’s seen David on the Quidditch field and how competitive he gets, yet he’s still surprised at how passionately he throws himself into this. 

One of them accidentally gets Amira, who calls her girls for backup and then, Mohammed, always on Amira’s side, of course has to get into it too. 

Sometimes they form teams, but this year it’s every person for themself. There’s no real rules or structure to it, no way they could actually determine who the winner is, but it’s certainly fun and that’s the most important thing. 

Matteo has mostly been trying to hit Amira and Hanna bonding together, when he suddenly feels a ball hit the back of his head violently and out of nowhere. 

When he turns around it doesn’t take long to figure out who threw the ball. David is very openly looking at him, not backing down from a fight. He raises his brows, shooting Matteo a challenging look. Matteo hates that he thinks it’s hot. 

‘You traitor! I thought we were on the same side.’ 

David raises his eyebrows again. ‘All’s fair in love and war, right?’ 

He’s gone before Matteo has the bad sense to ask him which one of the two this is. 

And then it’s really on.

***

Later, after everyone else had gone inside until it was just Matteo and his friends, until they eventually had enough, they’re sitting in the Gryffindor common room. It had been decided that there would be no winner, which Amira and David took great offence to. Matteo doesn’t like to put stereotypes on the houses, but he does think there’s something to be said about Slytherins and competition. 

The fire is on and Matteo is sitting right beside it. The Gryffindor common room is Matteo’s favorite, after the Hufflepuff one of course. He likes the warmth of it, the bustle of it. All the common room are nice in his opinion, but there’s just something about this one that makes Matteo feel comfortable. If he took the time to think about it, he’d maybe make the link with Jonas being his best friend and being the safest person out of everyone Matteo knows (although, secretly he thinks David is making his way up to share that first place), but that’s too much thinking at the moment. 

They’d come up after asking the house elves for hot chocolate. The girls had gone their own way. Apparently they had some things to discuss after not talking to each other face to face for two weeks. The boys, however, made their merry way up to the Gryffindor tower. It’s the usual group of four, but this time joined by David and Mohammed. 

Matteo isn’t participating much, happy to sit and listen to his friends talk about their break and taking in their presence after going without it for too long. David is sat next to him, arms touching and warming Matteo up from that point of contact only. 

He’d been surprised at how easily he fit in the group, how easy conversation came, how natural it felt to integrate him into every part of his life, like he’d always been there. 

On the other side of the circle, facing Matteo right on, sits Jonas and he’s been throwing looks his way ever since they’d sat down like he thinks that doing it enough will make him be able to read Matteo’s mind. It’s not until Abdi, Mohammed and Carlos go up to their dormitories to unpack, and David goes to shower in the hopes of getting rid of the deep cold in his bones (‘Drama queen’, Matteo comments) before having to attend to prefect duties, that Jonas acts on what he’s clearly been wanting to do since he walked back on Hogwarts territories. 

He scoots closer to Matteo and pretends to warm himself up by the fire. He’ll talk when he wants to, but Matteo isn’t going to push him to it. 

After about a minute of silence, Jonas finally looks at Matteo. ‘So, how are you, Luigi?’

Matteo smiles at what Jonas thinks is a subtle way to talk to him. ‘I’m good. How are you?’ 

‘I’m fine. How was your break?’, he asks, getting a bit more comfortable on the floor. 

Matteo shrugs. He doesn’t have much to say. ‘It was okay. I wasn’t lonely. If that’s what you’re asking.’ 

Jonas smiles sheepishly, but he doesn’t apologize for worrying like he might have done once. ‘Yeah?’ 

‘Yeah. David was with me, we hung out a lot.’ 

Jonas looks a little surprised, but pleased and nods like he’s satisfied with that answer. ‘David, huh?’

The mention of David’s name brings about a lot of emotions in Matteo’s chest that he really needs to stay hidden at the moment. He can’t have them appearing on his cheeks or through a smile that might be too revealing. He doesn’t think Jonas would think much about it, but he still wants to keep this secret guarded a little bit longer, until he’s sorted through everything he’s feeling, until he’s ready to face every aspect of it. Soon, though. Soon he’ll tell Jonas and the thought doesn’t fill him with the same dread it once did. It still makes him nervous beyond what he can put into words, but this is _Jonas_. Jonas who’s still patiently looking at him, waiting for an answer. Jonas who sent him several letters over the holidays in which his worry and desire to be closer to Matteo seeped through every word written on the page. He might as well have dipped his quill into his heart as it would have the same result. He’s never been able to hide his emotions, especially not when it comes to Matteo, which is the reason Matteo is certain it’ll go fine. Jonas is the only person who Matteo has never doubted loved him. 

‘Yeah, he’s cool. We had a good time.’

‘What’d you do?’

‘I don’t know, we hung around the castle. Smoked some weed. He taught me how to fly a broom.’ 

Jonas laughs at that, incredulously. ‘Wow, he must really be something special then. I’ve been trying to get you to fly with me for years.’

Matteo shrugs. ‘Yeah, well.’

‘No, but seriously, Luigi. You know I love you, right?’

‘Yes, I know. I love you, too’, Matteo answers with an eye roll because if there’s one thing Jonas is good at, it’s getting emotional when no one asked him to. 

‘And I just really missed you, but I’m glad you had David. As long as I stay your best friend!’ He’s joking, but there’s something there. Maybe Matteo isn’t the only one who feels insecure sometimes, like he’s not good enough. He never thought Jonas of all people would need the reassurance sometimes. He vows to pay better attention to his friends from now on. No more assuming they’re always fine. Sometimes he needs to come out of his grumpy shell and show him they mean something to him. 

‘You’ll always be my best friend, Jonas. You’re my brother. No one could ever compete with that.’ And if he’s not imagining things, he’d swear Jonas’s eyes get a little bit shiny at that before he’s engulfed in one of those teddy bear hugs Jonas is so good at. 

It’s in sudden moments like these when he realizes he’s actually pretty damn lucky. 

***

From that moment on, David is almost away there. Not that Matteo minds. 

He’s there when he’s just hanging out with his boys for no reason. He’s there when it’s all of them sitting in one common room or another. Sometimes, he’s there when they’re eating, when he’s not sitting with his own friends. He becomes a constant in Matteo’s life and it’s almost impossible to imagine him not being there anymore. That’s why it scares Matteo a little, the enormity of his feelings, the sensations exploding inside his chest every time David does something, _anything_. Because that’s the thing. Although David has wormed his way into Matteo’s friendship group, he’s still _Matteo’s_ friend first and foremost and it shows. 

Matteo can’t tell if David does it on purpose, but when they’re all sitting together David almost always sits close to Matteo, if not right next to him. When they’re eating and the conversation is going everywhere at once, David sometimes looks Matteo’s way just to smile at him. And no matter how easily he fits into the group and how much time he spent with them all, at the end of the day he always still asks Matteo to do something just the two of them. 

They go up to the astronomy tower still, less frequently, but it happens. They’ve developed a system now, a charmed piece of paper they can write on after which it appears on the other’s piece of paper. When one of them feels too restless to stay put and goes up and they feel like company, they can let the other know and if he’s awake, he’ll join. It still feels like they can talk about anything. Matteo had been a little scared that now that they actually hung out as friends, that aspect of their relationship would disappear without the veil of the night protecting them, but it hasn’t. If anything, it’s even better because now Matteo has another person in his life he can trust completely and that can never be a bad thing. 

There’s one little problem with getting special treatment, though. Every time David smiles at him or gently pushes him when Matteo is being annoying on purpose or goes out of his way to sit next to him, it’s very hard for Matteo not to break out in a grin, to show him how much it actually means to him, how much he wishes he could kiss his cheek again and feel David’s arm around his waist, lay his head on his chest instead of just sitting next to each other and finding stupid reasons to touch him. Sometimes his chest aches with the efforts of holding himself back. 

It’s a few mornings after classes have started again when Matteo receives another letter from his mom. It’s pretty much the same as usual, nothing new but her telling him she misses him and hopes he’s doing well. He still hasn’t really replied to her since he got here in September, but every letter is weighing more and more heavy on his mind and it’s getting harder to read her words without being consumed by guilt.

When he looks up from reading, he catches David from the other side of the table looking at him with his eyebrows raised, like he’s asking if everything is okay. Matteo sends him a tight smile back and shrugs once as if saying _what can you do?_ He’s told him a bit about his mother, but he’s failed to mention that just looking at David is making Matteo want to pick up a quill and tell her exactly what it does to him. He used to tell his mother everything, once upon a time, and it feels so wrong to realize that he met the most interesting person he’ll probably ever meet and not be able to let her know how much he’s feeling. He knows he would if David were a girl. 

There’s so much he wants to tell her, desperately wants her to know he forgives her for everything, that he knows she was never to blame. He knows it won’t take long until it’s threatening to spill over, but Matteo thinks he doesn’t want to stop it from happening anymore. He has to talk to her someday, and he just misses her so much it’s becoming unbearable.

***

Matteo sometimes thinks it’s weird how life mirrors itself. He can still perfectly remember the first time he was forced to work with David in a class, when he still thought he hated him and that David had some sort of problem with him. He remembers how impatient David had been, almost ruining the potion they were making. Still remembers the triumph of David basically admitting Matteo was good at something, better at something than David himself was. 

He remembers how awkward it had been, how annoyed Matteo had been at having to sit so close to David, while it stressed him out at the same time, which he didn’t really get then. 

There’s a tiny part of what he felt then that’s still present. The same nerves and annoyance at the way his own body reacted to David’s close proximity. It’s different now, of course. For once, he’s more used to this feeling, as he feels it every time David does anything around him, which is a lot now that they’re officially friends. And besides that, at least now he knows what to call it when his stomach flips when he smells David’s cologne, when their hands brush and his breath catches. 

It’s herbology this time, Matteo’s favourite. Just being in the greenhouse always manages to immediately make him feel calm. There’s something about the smell, the plants and the freshness, and the temperature that’s always perfect, that gets to him in the best way. It also doesn’t hurt that the herbology teacher is one of the only ones that actually believe in him and doesn’t write him off as a lazy slacker. She recognizes that he’s good at this, that he _likes_ it, and puts him in charge sometimes, uses his work as an example for other students to follow. He never would have expected it to feel this good to have an authority figure have faith in him. Like maybe he’s not as much a fuck up as he sometimes can’t stop telling himself. 

David and Matteo had walked into the classroom together laughing about something Peeves did on their way over, had sat down together, and consequently been paired together. From the other side of the greenhouse Carlos shoots him a pleading look. He’s notoriously bad at herbology and, Matteo having taking pity on him, works with him most of the time. He sends him an apologetic shrug back, not really having the power or the desire to change their predicament.

Instead he turns to David, expecting him to be ready to start, but instead finding him biting his lip and looking at Matteo in a very hesitant way. He’s so used to seeing David being confident that it throws him for a second, before he has the sense to ask what the matter is. 

‘I apologize in advance. Plants hate me.’ 

Before he’s even decided to do so, Matteo snorts. 

‘I’m not kidding!’, David pushes, looking adorably concerned. 

‘Plants don’t _hate_ anyone.’ 

David furrows his eyebrows. ‘Guess I’m the exception then!’ 

Matteo can sense David is getting annoyed, so he holds up his hands. ‘Okay, okay, I believe you. Just -- let’s just try, okay?’ 

On the table in front of them, are two big pots filled with soil. One of them is empty, the other has a few tentacle-like plants in it. They looks innocent at first glance, but Matteo knows they’re not. There’s no real danger or anything, but they can be pretty annoying. 

For a moment, both of them stare at it without doing anything. Matteo is waiting for David to suggest a way of doing things, but David is just looking almost scared at the task before them. Matteo sighs. Looks like he’s going to have to take the reins in hand. 

‘Okay, you know professor Sprout won’t let me do this alone, so like. Let’s do it together or something.’ 

David looks unsure, but he takes a step forward nonetheless. 

‘Okay, so these plants kind of sense your mood, right? And if they feel like you’re stressed or mad or anything negative, they kind of lash out. It’s nothing bad, but it stings a bit. So, we gotta be careful.’ 

David nods once, suddenly looking determined, like he’ll be damned if he lets these tiny plants intimidate him. Matteo can see on his face that this probably won’t end well, but it’s also a little bit hot to see him like that, and he also doesn’t really want to discourage him before he’s even fully started. 

David takes hold of on of the smallest plants in the pot. He holds it as far from his body as possible to transport it, and drops it in the dirt as soon as he can. It doesn’t take him more than thirty seconds, those Quidditch reflexes in full swing, but when he’s done his hands still have, from where Matteo can see, three places the plant has managed to sting him. ‘Fuck, that hurts.’ 

Matteo rolls his eyes. ‘I’ve seen you take a bludgeon to the shoulder at full speed and insist you’re fine to play on, stop being dramatic.’ 

In a bout of childishness David sticks out his tongue. He’s so cute Matteo wants to die. 

‘And why did you hold it like that, anyway?’, Matteo asks, doing a dramatic recreation of David holding the plant as far away from his face as possible. 

‘I’d rather it stings my hand than my face!’

‘Ah, of course, can’t damage the masterpiece, can we?’ Matteo is aware of the fragile line he’s threading, that fine line between teasing and flirting blatantly enough for everyone to get it immediately. 

David’s cheeks turn a little red, but he doesn’t answer, instead shoves Matteo hard enough that he actually has to take a step sideways if he doesn’t want to fall down. He’s fully laughing now. He’d tried to avoid laughing at David’s weird attempts to repot one of the easiest plants to handle, but he can’t keep it in anymore. There’s not much he likes more than flustering David, payback for every second David spends just living and unknowingly causing Matteo heart palpitations. 

‘Wait, how did you do that?’ 

‘What?’, Matteo asks, still laughing. 

David tilts his head to the table in front of them where the previously hostile looking plants folded into themselves, have furled open and are all pointed at Matteo, swaying to the sound of his laughter. 

‘I told you they pick up on our moods’, he says, not able to mask the obvious satisfaction and pride at the sight. It’s one of his favourite things, to see something he does have a positive effect on anyone, humans or plants or animals alike. 

When he looks up from the happy sight in front of him, he’s met with David’s soft smile. Its gentleness catches Matteo off guard for a moment, not used to having someone looking at him like that. He can feel his cheeks redden, but he can’t do anything to stop it. David’s eyes are just so dark and intense and their weight on Matteo’s skin hinder him from moving. 

The eye contact is broken by a shriek coming from somewhere behind them and Matteo immediately looks down, attempts to hide behind his hair. He needs to calm down. This is not what’s called being subtle. Even the plants have stopped swaying and instead are getting closer to each other, intertwining in one another. 

David clears his throat and ruffles his hair, before saying: ‘Show me?’ 

He says it softly, like he’s a bit unsure. It almost sounds hesitant in the way Matteo sometimes speaks to David, when it feels like no matter what he says at the moment, he’s feeling so much he won’t be able to hide his feelings, like whatever he says it’ll be heard in his voice.

He quickly shakes the thought off because how could _David_ ever feel the things Matteo does about him. He’s too cool, first of, and Matteo is definitely not worthy of being thought of like that.

When he’s sufficiently calmed down, he takes a step closer to the table and approaches the plants like he would a cat he doesn’t know. Slowly and carefully, hands outstretched and gentle. He touches one of the small leaves so lightly he can barely feel it himself, but immediately the plant looks way less relaxed. When it’s clear Matteo has no ill intentions, though, it calms down and he’s able to stroke a finger over its stem, the same way he sometimes imagines following David’s spine with kisses. 

Upon feeling the way Matteo’s body reacts to this thought, the plants get fussy again and he’s really not keen on explaining to David why that is so he forces himself to calm down again, not deter attention from the task at hand. 

_Focus, Florenzi_ and the plants calm down again. So so carefully, he uses the hand not stroking the stem to dig into the soil around the stem, so he can take it out easier, without jostling it too much. 

He puts a little bit of strength behind pulling it out, just enough to get it unstuck, but not enough to seriously disturb it. He tries to emulate the way his mom once tried to get gum out of his hair, holding the other end of his hair tightly enough to not have it hurt when she pulled on the other end. He doesn’t know if he succeeds to do it just like her, but when he gets the plant out it doesn’t show any negative reaction, merely curls itself around his finger. It could be because of the small flash of sadness he felt at the thought of his mother, or because they feel he cares, but it makes his heart grow all the same. He feels warm all over, seeing this little green creature trusting him and seeking comfort in the warmth of his hand. 

He pauses for a moment to take the moment in, before remembering he’s supposed to show David this and looks at him. Maybe that was a bad idea.

Because David is looking at Matteo like he forgot to put his guard up. There’s a bit of the softness of before in his eyes. Wonder and awe and -- 

It takes almost all of him to not kiss him right this second. His cheeks are burning and he knows his hands have started to tremble with David’s eyes so focused on them, which is the worst thing that could happen right now. He needs to steady hands to do this. 

It’s so hard to not just keep looking at David look at him, but he knows that if he does, the plant in his hand will start acting up because it’s not getting the right amount of attention, and on top of that Matteo might faint from the excessive amounts of self-control it’d take not to touch David or confess all his feelings to him here in front of his entire year, and all his friends he’s not even out to. 

So he turns away, does what he’s supposed to, manages the task perfectly, all that without bursting into flames at the knowledge that, whether Matteo can see or not, David is looking at him like _that._

Sometimes he thinks it would be easier if he still thought he hated him. 

When he’s done, he doesn’t immediately turn around, but gains some time by making sure his plant is potted perfectly and caressing it gently to make sure it’s as peaceful as it can be. Only then, when he thinks his heart is back at its usual speed, and the blood in his cheeks has faded, he turns around. 

David’s face is more closed off again, and for once Matteo is glad it is. Normally, every instant he can get David to open up, show he trusts Matteo enough to be real around him, is a small victory to him, but today he thinks he might actually die of an emotions overdose if he doesn’t get some space. 

‘You try now’, he says, because they can’t spend the rest of the class just looking at each other when they have work to do. 

David nods and gets ready to do it, his back to Matteo. It gives him a moment to catch his much needed breath. 

God, who knew being in love with one of your best friends isn’t as easy as it seems? 

***

It’s a Saturday, a few days after Matteo nearly lost his composure during class, and he’s really not expecting to see David out of the blue like this. It’s gotten to the point where he needs to mentally prepare himself to meet the other boy, to get his heart accustomed to the idea of beating at a million miles a minute. 

He’s going down to meet Amira for their scheduled study date, though, waiting in front of the Slytherin room like he told her he would, when he runs into David casually sitting down in the hallway, holding something Matteo can’t identify from where he’s standing. 

For a split second, he considers turning back around before David takes note of his presence and send Amira a note saying he’ll meet her in the library instead, but really, he would never deliberately stop himself from spending time with David, no matter how much his nerves exhaust him.

David’s seems to be talking into the object in his hand, some kind of screen, so engrossed in whatever he’s doing that he doesn’t notice Matteo’s presence until he’s standing right in front of him and clears his throat. 

David’s head snaps up. ‘Matteo?’ Then, he frowns. ‘What are you doing here?’ He looks around like he’s searching for Matteo’s friend or any other reason why he’d be wandering the halls in the dungeons. 

‘Waiting for Amira. We have a study date. What are _you_ doing here?’ 

Something happens on David’s screen Matteo can’t make out from where he’s standing, but David rolls his eyes at it. There seems to be a light blush on his cheeks and now Matteo is really curious as to what he’s doing here. 

‘It’s my sister. She wants to talk to you.’ And that explains it. Matteo’s never used one himself, but he’s heard of the existence of two way mirrors and he supposes it makes sense David would want to have face-to-face communication with his sister, especially because from what Matteo understand, she’s the only one of his family members David is actually close to. 

Suddenly Matteo is nervous for another reason entirely. Of course he knows who Laura is, he’s seen her around school in previous years, especially because she was friends with Hans, but he’s never actually talked to her. He’s not even sure she’s aware of his existence. And this is David’s _sister_ , the most important person in his life. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her, doesn’t want her to take one look at his messy self and decide he’s not good enough to be friends with her brother. 

‘You don’t have to’, David says, breaking Matteo out of his spiral of thoughts, sounding a bit hesitant. 

Matteo shakes his head. He’s being unreasonable. Laura’s always seemed chill, and she’s important to David. That’s reason enough for Matteo. 

He lowers himself to the ground next to David. Laura is on the mirror smiling at him when he looks at it, looking as cool as she always has. 

He doesn’t know what it is about the Schreibner siblings, but there’s just something about them that makes Matteo wonder why he’s even allowed in the presence of this much coolness. He feels lucky to be, though. He wouldn’t give it up for anything. 

He smiles back at Laura. ‘Hi’, he says, with a dorky little wave he wishes he could take back. 

‘Hey, Matteo.’ 

David is tense next to him and he can’t really figure out why. 

‘So you’re in Hufflepuff, right?’, she asks, and while her smile seems sweet enough to Matteo, there’s clearly something he’s missing, because David is glaring now. 

He looks down to see if he’s wearing anything with his house colors on, but there’s nothing. He wonders if David’s been talking about him. ‘I am, yeah. Ravenclaw, right?’ 

‘Yep, and proud.’ 

Matteo doesn’t know what to say and David isn’t being a big help at all. Luckily Laura seems to master the art of small talk and changes the subject. ‘So I hear you’ve gotten my brother an O in Herbology. Seems there’s some hope for him there still.’ 

Matteo can’t help but laugh. ‘He’s not so bad once he stops being stubborn.’ 

Laura laughs at his comment, which seems to be David’s breaking point. ‘Okay, I didn’t introduce you just so you could laugh at me.’

‘But it’s just so easy’, Matteo answers, facing David now. Laura is still laughing on the mirror. David pokes Matteo’s stomach, just hard enough to have an effect, but not enough to really hurt, definitely not enough to warrant the yelp that escapes Matteo at the touch. 

‘Anyway, Amira is coming, aren’t you here for her?’, David asks, not giving Matteo the time to be embarrassed about the sound he just made. 

‘Oh, right!’ Amira is about to walk the other way from where Matteo is sitting and he doesn’t want her to think he bailed on her. ‘Bye, Laura. It was nice to meet you.’

Laura’s still smiling and looking at the two of them with one eyebrow raised and a knowing look on her face. Matteo doesn’t know her well enough to decipher it, but he can tell David is embarrassed. He doesn’t have to time to figure it out, though. 

‘Bye, Matteo. Likewise.’ 

And then he’s following Amira before she disappears, trying not to think of David’s blush and what it might mean, how much the two seem to care about each other. 

***

They’re sitting in their place again, next to the big windows. While it’s still very cold outside, the winter sun hits them just right, giving the impression of a warmer day than it actually is. It’s not warm enough to stop Matteo from wearing his big sweaters, though. 

Amira’s hijab is a rich brown color, that almost looks orange in the right lightning. She’s bent over their potions textbook, actually writing the essay they came here to make, while Matteo wrote two paragraphs and then decided to give his brain a little break. 

Amira hasn’t noticed he’s not paying attention yet. If she had, she’d have forced him to finish, tried to encourage him, the minute his focus had wandered. He knows objectively that what she’d say is right, that losing focus only makes it harder to get back into it later on, but his brain doesn’t always work this way. And, anyway, it’s not like he can really control it.

He’s just trying to make out if the thing that’s flying over the Black Lake is a bird or a person flying a broom or something else entirely, when suddenly, Amira’s wand lying next to her open book starts vibrating, snapping Matteo out of his focus. She taps it twice, quieting it down. 

Matteo looks at her in question. He knows it’s possible to set an alarm of sorts on your wand, but he can’t figure what she’d need it for. They’ve only just started and it’s a Saturday. 

She shift in her seat a bit, but looks him right in the eyes. ‘It’s my prayer alarm’, she says, still looking at him as if daring him to say something. He doesn’t blame her. There are lots of wizards who don’t understand religion, or don’t understand the point of it. And Matteo may have his own questions about religion, and it may make him feel a little bit uncomfortable sometimes, but he’s not one of them. 

He holds up his hands. ‘I don’t mind.’

‘Good’, she says, looking visibly more relaxed. 

‘Don’t you need to go pray then?’, Matteo asks. He doesn’t know how muslim prayers work exactly, but if she has an alarm set he imagines it’s a pretty regular practice. 

‘It’s okay, I have some time. ‘

Matteo nods, doesn’t say anything for a little while. ‘You know, I used to sing in the church choir’, he says then, not sure why he felt like sharing. 

Amira’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. 

‘Yeah, I’m serious. My mom was always so proud.’ 

Amira still looks a bit surprised, but she’s also smiling. ‘God, I bet you were so cute back then.’

‘Back then?’, Matteo scoffs, ‘I’m still very cute, thank you very much.’ 

Amira’s eyes go wide and she purses her lips for a moment, before saying: ‘Okay, whatever you say.’ 

He sticks his tongue out at her. They work in silence for a little while, Matteo really contemplating whether to ask what he’s thinking or stay quiet about it. He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer, and he really doesn’t want to offend Amira if he can avoid it. 

In the end, he mutters: ‘I don’t go to church anymore, though.’

Amira stops writing. He’s not looking at her directly, so he doesn’t know if she’s looking at him, but she makes a small noise indicating him to keep talking. ‘I never really liked how they just decide what’s good and what’s bad, you know. Like, they tell you stealing is bad or -- or being gay is bad. I just don’t understand how it’s supposed to be the house of god or whatever, when people aren’t allowed to be who they are.’ 

He knows he’s not being very subtle right now, he _knows,_ but he can’t come up with another way of saying what he wants. Besides his mom, Amira is really the only person he knows who’s religious, and he just needs an outsider’s perspective. 

He braves looking up at her, and she’s leaning back in her chair, her eyes on him contemplating, like she can see right inside his brain. Matteo is almost convinced she actually can, considering how very obvious he’s being. 

‘Hm’, she breathes out, leaning forward a bit, placing her arms on the table. Suddenly he’s scared she’s going to have a bad reaction, although he really doubts it. ‘Well, I’m no expert on christianity, of course, but --’ She stops, seems to be gathering her thoughts before proceeding. ‘There’s always people who are going to spread hate and use their religion as a shield, alright? But you should never listen to them, because they’re the ones that shouldn’t be welcome in holy spaces. For me, religion in its core is about love and respect and understanding towards everyone, no matter their racial background, beliefs, sexuality,... anything. Islam preaches that _everyone_ is equal, no exceptions, and that they should be treated that way. No one’s allowed to judge, okay? Hate has no place in religion. Remember that.’

There’s something about those words coming from Amira that make them all the more powerful. Amira who says what she thinks, and does what she believes is right, and if you have a problem then it’s just that; your problem. Fearless Amira, honest Amira, she wouldn’t lie to him. He doesn’t really know what to answer to that, though, so he just nods.

‘And like I said, I’m no christianity expert, but I know they believe very similar things to what we do and -- ‘, she glances at the letter laying on the table, the first line visible. 

_My sunshine,_

_I hope you’re doing well. I’ve always thought a house needs love to be a home, and without you hear, it just doesn’t quite feel like one._

She lowers her a voice a little bit, hesitating before saying: ‘And I’m sure your mother believes the same thing.’ 

It does sound like something she would’ve said to him when he was younger, and he trusts Amira. He thinks he should feel a bit more nervous about her probably knowing now, but he can’t really bring himself to be. He knows she won’t tell anyone and he knows now she won’t hate him for it. 

‘Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Coach.’ And he means it with his whole heart. 

She shakes her head, waving off his thanks. ‘It’s nothing. Let’s finish this now, shall we? I don’t have all day.’

***

_Dear Mama,_

_I’m sorry for not replying to your letters earlier, I guess I just needed some time to work through some things on my own. I hope you can understand and forgive me for that._

_I’m really happy you’re doing better, Mama, and even if I haven’t been good at showing you lately, I don’t hold what happened against you. I know you’re not to blame._

_There’s something I want to tell you and I hope you won’t mind. I think I fell in love with someone. Someone who is kind and funny and cool and so good-looking and who just really understands me. It feels so good to be understood completely, Mama, I never thought I’d find this. His name is David and I’m sure you’d really like him. He loves movies, just like you._

_I haven’t told him this is how I feel, but sometimes I think he might feel the same. There’s just something about the way he smiles._

_I talked to one of my friends and she told me that religion is all about love, and I think a god that wants you to love everyone, even your enemies, would want me to be myself, too, the way He intended for me to be. I hope that’s how you see it, too._

_Anyway, I’ll try to write you more. I really miss you._

_I love you,_

_Matteo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The Amira scene was one of the first ones i wrote for this fic and it's weird that it's out there now!   
> alsooo think you'll like the next chapter a lot *eye emoji*   
> As usual you can find my tumblr @vlindervin7


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteo has to remind himself to breathe.   
> ‘You look good today.’  
> For a moment Matteo is convinced he somehow slipped up and said what’s on his mind, before he realizes David is the one that said it. He doesn’t know what to do with the words, sounding both a little flirty and earnest enough not to be. It’s not the first time Matteo’s been flirted with, but it’s the first time it’s come from someone he actually liked.   
> He clears his throat. ‘Thanks’, he answers, taking a sip of his beer, before deciding it’s not a sufficient response. ‘You, too’, he decides, not catching David’s eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we begin I would like to state that I know this is a Hogwarts au, but I don't support jkr in any way. Trans women are women and deserve to be treated as such. And while we're here, black lives matter. I will leave info on both these issues in the end notes, thank you. 
> 
> Now onto the fic, I know it's been months and I'm so very sorry. I hope people are still interested and that this chapter doesn't disappoint. Enjoy.

Matteo is already sitting on the bleachers when he sees Jonas arrive in the distance. He watches him get bigger and bigger the closer he walks until he spots Matteo sitting high on the bleachers and waves at him. 

Matteo returns the gesture. He feels strangely calm. Of course he’s a bit nervous, that was to be expected, but at the same time, he thinks the reason for his anxiety over telling his friends stemmed for a big part out of the fact that he himself hadn’t fully accepted and embraced his sexuality as a part of him. 

He thinks he has now, or at least he’s mostly there. He’s still a bit nervous but he knows his best friend, and he knows he won’t react badly. Mostly

Jonas is almost up the steps now, and Matteo smiles at him before pulling his scarf tighter around him. 

‘Ey, Luigi, why’d you come sit so high up? It’s freezing out here.’

Matteo shrugs. ‘I like the view.’ From here, he can see the top of the trees in the forbidden forest, he sees the hillside looming on the other side of the school. High places make him feel secluded from the rest of the population, safe in his solitude.

‘Could’ve at least charmed a portable flame. Your nose is all red, dude’, he laughs, fucking booping his nose like a loser. Matteo halfheartedly swats his hand away while breathing out a laugh. Somehow just Jonas’ presence always manages to calm him down a little bit.

‘Was waiting for you to do it. Mine never last longer than five minutes.’

Jonas pulls his wand out of his robe pockets and mutters a spell that makes four identical orange flames shoot out of it. They dance around the two of them, lighting up the world around them and immediately warming up Matteo when he holds his hands close to it. 

He wonders if there’s something to be said about the fact that he always seems to be pulled in by people who specialize in warming charms. 

‘So, uh, everything good, Luigi?’, Jonas asks, rubbing his hands together to warm them up and looking at Matteo in a mix of concert and curiosity. He’s got his puppy eyes on and Matteo can’t help feeling a deep appreciation for his friend at the sight of them. 

‘I wanted to talk to you about some things, I guess.’

Jonas nods, giving him all his attention.

‘So, you know how my mom got really bad last year?’

Two summers ago, Matteo’s dad had left him and his mom, resulting in the worst summer of his life. His mom hadn’t been able to handle it and had sunken into a slump deeper than Matteo had ever seen her in, crying and depressed for weeks on end, spending her days praying and telling Matteo about a god he’s not sure he believes in. 

And as much as he tried, Matteo hadn’t been able to handle it either. Rationally he knew it wasn’t her fault she acted this way, didn’t have control over her feelings and actions, but as a fifteen year old boy who also had to process the fact that his dad fucked off to an entirely different country, and didn’t get the motherly comfort he so desperately needed, it wasn’t so easy to accept. 

It was easier to put part of the blame on her. He tried helping as much as he could, trying to get her to eat something, _anything,_ to talk to him, but it only exhausted him further to the point that he just decided to spend the rest of the summer either at Jonas’ house or roaming around getting high, trying to spend as little time as possible at home, which had become a stifling place that made it impossible to breathe. 

He’d gone back to Hogwarts for his fifth year and it had never felt more like coming home. His dad had sent him a few letters here and there, that Matteo burned without answering, wishing he’d stop sending him shit that only managed to hurt him more. 

(Except he failed to realize how much worse it would hurt when he eventually stopped sending anything at all.)

Jonas is aware in certain terms of how bad it had been then. 

Last summer had been a much better one, for mama at least. Matteo had had nearly as much trouble dealing with it as the summer before. His mom hadn’t been entirely well yet, but she got out of bed most days, made dinner sometimes and if she didn’t, got some pre made meal from the Muggle grocery store. She was making efforts to get better and to try taking care of herself. She told him she’d started taking antidepressants, but Matteo was unable to deal with the sudden change. He’d prepared for a summer similarly horrific to the last one, wasn’t ready to let go of how alone and abandoned he’d felt then. Again, he knew the blame lay with his dad for the most part, but he needed someone present to be angry with and she was there reminding him of how miserable he’d felt. 

It also didn’t help that whenever he saw her he was reminded of the thought that maybe he wasn’t as different from her as he’d want to be. Definitely not at the same level, but there were parts of her behavior that he recognized all too well. He didn’t want to think of that. 

And so he spent the whole summer avoiding her, and avoiding his friends who’d inevitably ask about her after which he’d have to face the fact that he was the problem this time, not appreciating the effort she put into bettering her mental health, and then he’d only be eaten by the guilt he tried to avoid. 

He’s mostly over that now, the relief of finally responding and telling his mom about himself relieving some of the weight.

‘Well, she’s actually doing much better’, he tells Jonas.

‘That’s great, man.’

Matteo shrugs. It is great. ‘Yeah, I guess. She’s been sending me letters all years and I don’t know, I just — I couldn’t get myself to answer them.’

‘Why not?’ It’s asked without judgement, which is the great thing about Jonas. 

‘Because I didn’t know how to talk to her again as if nothing happened. I wasn’t ready to just move on, I guess.’

Jonas has always been there, since the start, and so he knows exactly what Matteo means. He doesn’t need to explain himself, can just describe how he feels trusting Jonas to get it. 

‘And now?’

He looks at Jonas for the first time this conversation. ‘I uh, sent her a letter yesterday. She hasn’t responded yet, but yeah.’ 

Jonas knows there’s more Matteo wants to say and so he stays quiet, patiently waits for Matteo to gather his thoughts or his courage or both. 

‘That’s another reason I didn’t want to talk to her, because there’s some things I wasn’t ready to talk about.’ He cradles the little flame a little bit closer to his heart. ‘But now I am. So I -- ‘ He looks at Jonas again, who’s still sitting there with that attentive look on his face. ‘I told her I’m gay.’

Jonas doesn’t really react to that information. He looks a bit surprised, but not in a shocked way, more in a way that says he didn’t quite expect Matteo’s story to take that road, but he’s taking it all in stride. He nods. ‘I know your mom’s a bit difficult, but she loves you more than anything, even if she had trouble showing it sometimes. It’ll be fine.’ 

‘Yeah, I know.’ It doesn’t make him any less nervous, but it’s a relief to tell himself that she’ll most likely not kick him out or hate him forever. 

Jonas puts an around his shoulder, pulls him a bit closer into him and kisses the top of his head. ‘I’m proud of you, man, really.’ 

‘Thanks. Now stop kissing me, or people will start thinking you’rethe gay one.’ 

‘Don’t think I care, especially considering we’re the only ones here’, Jonas laughs, but lets him go. ‘No, but seriously, thank you for telling me. And I’m so glad you’re mom’s doing better.’

Matteo smiles softly. ‘Yeah, I’m proud of her. She’s started taking antidepressants, too, and they seem to be helping. Oh antidepressants are --’ 

‘I know what they are.’

‘You do?’ 

As a pureblood, Matteo hadn’t expected Jonas to know about muggle medication. The way the wizarding world handles mental illness consists mostly of just ignoring it, and so when Matteo had told Jonas everything that was happening with his mom, he’d had to explain most of the technical terms, too. He hadn’t expected him to know what antidepressants are as he’s never really mentioned them to him. 

‘Yeah, I read up on it all when you first told me about everything with your mom, I wanted to understand.’ Matteo’s heart warms unexpectedly at the admission. ‘Especially because sometimes --’, he hesitates a moment before continuing, but Matteo is pretty sure he knows where this is going. Two months ago he would’ve walked out on this conversation, not ready to even consider the idea in the least, but he’s made peace with it, and finishes Jonas’ sentence himself.

‘Sometimes it seems like maybe I’m a bit like her.’ 

‘Yeah’, Jonas says, looking relieved at not having to actually say it, but concerned at the same time that Matteo _did,_ that it’s not a vague idea anymore, but an actual possibility. It’s scary, but Matteo isn’t afraid anymore. ‘You think you could be?’ 

Matteo nods. ‘I’m thinking of maybe going to a therapist’, Jonas nods at Matteo’s questioning look, showing he’s familiar with the concept,’when we go back home. Just to see if it might actually be a thing.’ 

Jonas nods. ‘Well, whatever it is, I’m here for you, yeah? Don’t forget that.’ 

***

After that it’s easier to tell the rest of his friends.

Hanna he shows more than tell. He does it while they’re watching a movie in his room one day, something old and a bit childish, but easy to watch. They do this sometimes, just the two of them, to get away from everyone and calm down a little bit. They both enjoy the same kind of peace and quiet every so often.

His dorm is empty as it often is. Mohammed away at Quidditch practice and the other two god knows where. They’re not speaking, but their arms are pressed together and Matteo is finding comfort in the touch. 

The movie is getting a bit slow, some things are happening that aren’t really important, and Matteo hasn’t been paying attention in a while. Often, it’s not really a matter of what’s happening on the screen that’s of interest to him, but simply the act of spending time with Hanna that manages to drain his body of most of its stress. 

He looks over at her, fixated on the movie, her lips turned into an almost-smile. He takes out his wand, whispers a spell he’d looked up a few days back, and writes out what he wants to say in the air in front of them.

Hanna perks up in surprise when in front of her sparks shooting out of his wand, write out letters that then rain down until they gradually disappear. 

_I’m gay!_

When they’re gone, she turns to him with a smile and hugs him tight, and he hugs her back. The whole thing lasts about two minutes, no words spoken. They’ve never needed them to talk to each other. 

The boys are a little trickier because they need it spelled out and clear and no subtle, quiet shit will cut it with them. So he does. 

The four of them are in the gryffindor common room for once, because Carlos had more work to do and so they went to keep him company. It doesn’t happen that often, because they all think the Hufflepuff common room is the most comfortable out of all them, but Matteo supposes the gryffindor room has its own charm. The chairs aren’t as comfortable, and the fireplace doesn’t spread as far, but he’s with his boys and that’s enough. 

Matteo is pretty sure they started the conversation about Kiki having done something or other, after which it turned into the usual girl talk that he’s never really participated in. He won’t lie and say he’s been paying attention, because that is simply not true, but he is aware enough to sort of know they’re helping Abdi with his plan to get with or over Sam.

Five minutes of the mindless chatter and suddenly Matteo is snapped out of his reverie by Carlos calling his name. Matteo looks up with what must be a confused look, because Carlos asks him a question like he’s repeating it. 

‘What do you think Matteo?’ 

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be having an opinion on, but it’s safe to assume that it’s to do with girls and crushes and sex maybe, all things Matteo doesn’t really want to talk or think about, unless it’s in relation to a boy, and really mostly one boy in particular. 

They’re looking at him with curiosity, attention they’re trying to hide, but they’ve never been the best at that. Matteo sighs, feeling the nerves creep up his throat like it does every time he thinks about coming out. It’s getting easier and easier the more time he says the words, but it hasn’t entirely gone away yet. He hopes one day it will. 

He dares a fleeting look at Jonas, who raises his eyebrows in surprise and then encouragingly smiles at him. Now is as good a time as any, he thinks. 

‘Um, I’m gay’, he says then. Nothing more, nothing less.

Abdi and Carlos blink at him for a few seconds, before the words register and they exclaim that it’s all fine with them, and if anyone gives him shit they’ll defend him, which is a very funny thought, considering the two of them are as harmless as two over excited puppies, but also a good thought that warms Matteo up from the inside, because he knows they do mean it. They’re mostly talking between themselves, the words aimed at Matteo, but not in a way that suggests he’s obligated to answer for them to keep talking. 

He shares a look of fond annoyance with Jonas and shakes his head. His friends really are idiots, but he can’t deny that he appreciates their response more than he can say. 

They ask him if he likes any boys, and when he changes the subject, they don’t seem to realize. Jonas looks at him suspiciously, though, but that’s one emotionally vulnerable conversation too many for one day, so he just ignores it for now. 

He tells Carlos he’s allowed to tell Kiki, and then it’s safe to assume he won’t have to come out again, at least to any of his friends. 

***

_My son,_

_Ever since the day you were born, you have been my greatest happiness, my sunshine in this world. There is nothing that could change that._

_Your friend seems very smart, you should keep her close. And as for the boy you mentioned, you have always been very good at reading people. If you really like him, you should trust your feelings. I promise you won’t regret trying, and I’m praying it works out for you two. I hope to meet him someday._

_I am so happy to read your words again, and I sincerely hope you’ll do me the biggest happiness and answer me again once in a while._

_I love you forever, Mama_

It’s a good thing the letter finds Matteo when he’s alone in the dormitory, because the words pull at his tears until they fall out of his eyes, light as a relieved sigh and taking with them all of the heaviness still on his shoulders. 

***

The music is pulsing through his veins, and mixed with the joyful cries of the people around him, Matteo can barely hear himself think. 

Gryffindor had won the latest quidditch match against Ravenclaw, solidifying their place in the finale, just this afternoon, and in true Gryffindor fashion a party had immediately been organized in their common room. Fire whiskey and other alcoholic drinks had been brought in from who knows where, and the magic turntables had immediately been set to the highest volume. There is no way the professors aren’t aware of what’s happening, but they’re always more lenient when it comes to the occasional quidditch victory party, especially considering it’s a Friday night. 

Matteo had already been a bit tired before coming, not really feeling up to having to deal with an enormous crowd of drunk and excited teenagers high on adrenaline, but he’d agreed because Jonas had asked him, and then the rest of the boys had pressed because he just couldn’t miss it apparently. In the end it was Hanna’s sweet assurance that it just wouldn’t be the same without him, that broke him. 

So, here he is, wearing one of his fancier, patterned shirts, leaning against a wall. He was talking to Abdi until a minute ago when Sam took his hand and asked him to dance, and really, there was no part of Matteo that expected Abdi to stay with him after that. Not that he particularly minds. Sure, he can think of more fun things to do than awkwardly standing off to the side at a party, but he has a cup filled with beer and he’s content just to watch the people around him have a good time for now. 

There’s something about parties that make it very hard for Matteo, and he doesn’t really know how to explain it. Like, there’s some kind of behavioral code he’s missing that won’t allow him to have as good a time as everyone else, that just won’t show him how to cross the line and join the others.

He won’t stay long, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle the loud noises and constant movement around him for very long, not without getting a joint or overflowing and ending up bursting in a secluded room. He’ll stay long enough to show his support for his friends, and then leave. 

It also doesn’t help that on the other side of the room, David is dancing with Leonie, twirling her around and making her laugh. The way she looks at him, and the way he laughs at whatever she’s saying, is burning its way through Matteo’s insides, desperately clawing at his heart. He knows there’s nothing between them, or he thinks he knows anyway, but the easy way they interact with each other, like it costs them nothing to have a good time, while Matteo struggles to do _anything_ casually, struggles to be around David without giving all he’s feeling away, is just hard to see at the moment. 

He feels tired enough without the reminder that David probably deserves someone easy like Leonie, and not someone like Matteo, whom it seems only manages to drag his way through life. 

He shakes those thoughts, though, not interested in a one-man pity party right now, not when he’s been feeling mostly okay for a while now. 

He turns his head for a brief moment, to see if he can spot any of his other friends in the crowd, find something to do instead of listening to the cruelly voiced words in his head, and when his eyes find Leonie again, David has made place for Sara. Matteo wonders if he’s hallucinating. He’s sure David was there not a minute ago, and Sara nowhere to be found, but the scene changed so quickly it’s given him whiplash.

He’s too busy being confused to notice anyone come up to him, and so he just jumps at the ‘Hi’, said at his right. 

David just laughs at Matteo’s surprise. ‘Hiding something?’ 

Matteo glares at him, but it’s half-hearted at best. He could never be angry about David surprising him. What he can be angry about, however, is how fucking good he looks tonight. 

He’s done something to his hair that makes it even more wavy than it usually is, and Matteo wants to run his hands through it. His piercing, the single most infuriating thing about Matteo’s existence, is glinting in the flashing lights and when his eyes are lit up by red light, they flash with amusement. He’s wearing a simple black outfit, but Matteo isn’t used to seeing him without his uniform and it catches him off guard every time, the tight jeans and shirt that shows off his arms. 

Matteo has to remind himself to breathe. 

‘You look good today.’

For a moment Matteo is convinced he somehow slipped up and said what’s on his mind, before he realizes David is the one that said it. He doesn’t know what to do with the words, sounding both a little flirty and earnest enough not to be. It’s not the first time Matteo’s been flirted with, but it’s the first time it’s come from someone he actually liked. 

He clears his throat. ‘Thanks’, he answers, taking a sip of his beer, before deciding it’s not a sufficient response. ‘You, too’, he decides, not catching David’s eye.

‘Are you having a good time?’, David asks then, when Matteo stays silent. He doesn’t know what to say, and he’s not a fan of having to scream to be heard, either, so he mostly stays quiet in cases like this. 

Matteo shrugs in answer. He’s not having a _bad_ time. ‘You seemed like you were having fun with Leonie?’ 

David smiles at him, and imitates Matteo’s ambiguous shrug. ‘Fine, I guess.’ 

Matteo takes another sip of his drink. It’s awkward between them for some reason, and it hasn’t been in a long time. He normally doesn’t feel like has to try with David, doesn’t need to pretend, but there’s something of that tension they felt at the beginning, when their friendship was still tentative and delicate. It doesn’t feel less delicate now, but definitely not as breakable. 

The music is getting to him, and he’s this close to giving up and just leaving because he can’t imagine spending more than ten minutes feeling like this. He think there must be something of the buzzing in his head showing on his face, because David’s gaze grows more and more concerned the longer he looks at Matteo. 

Matteo is just about to speak up when David beats him to it. ‘Wanna get out of here?’ 

***

Matteo isn’t drunk, but there’s something to be said for walking the halls with the boy he’s possibly in love with, after curfew while trying to stay quiet. He feels so much lighter than he did even twenty minutes ago. David has that effect on him. He was ready to tuck in for the night, but one mischievous smile from David and he feels wide awake. He loves his sleep, but there’s nothing he wouldn’t give up in order not to miss whatever David’s planning. 

‘Where are you taking me?’ 

David looks back from where he’s leading the way and smirks. ‘You’ll see.’ 

That smirk is enough to single handedly raise Matteo’s heartbeat. They follow the corridor, all the way down the Gryffindor tower, deeper than the Hufflepuff entrance, too. There’s not much downstairs, Matteo knows, except the Slytherin quarters and some dungeons used for classes or storage, but he’s guessing they’re not heading for the latter. He wonders if David is simply taking them back to his room, but why be so mysterious about it then. Not that Matteo is complaining. David’s room has quickly become a place he feels absolutely safe in, and that’s so important to him. 

When they pass the entrance for the Slytherin common room, though, Matteo shoots David a confused look. He’s never been that way before, and he can’t imagine anything particularly interesting being hidden this far underground. David just raises his eyebrows, and Matteo decides to follow without questions. 

The halls are getting darker and darker, and while there are some candles flickering on the wall, they mostly shed dim, green light, something Matteo isn’t overly fond of. Just when he’s starting to feel a tad uncomfortable, the dark and chill getting to him, David takes a turn left into an arched passageway, until he comes to a stand in front of a set of heavy-looking, wooden doors. 

He doesn’t say anything, so Matteo breaks his own promise of asking no questions by saying: ‘What’s this?’ 

David, being his dramatic self, seemed to have been waiting for this question to put both hands on the door handles with a flourish, and, with a look over his shoulder, saying ‘Slytherin’s best kept secret’, before pushing the doors opens. 

When Matteo follows David inside, he loses his breath. ‘Wow.’ 

David seems pleased with this reaction. ‘I like to come here when I need to just get away from everything. You seemed a bit overwhelmed at the party, so I thought maybe it’d help.’ 

Matteo’s still too impressed to speak so he just nods gratefully at the thoughtfulness and David’s ability to pick up on his moods.

All the walls, save from the one they came through, are made out of what seems to be glass. Matteo isn’t sure because when he looks through them, it almost feels like there’s nothing there, but he knows that’s impossible. He never thought of the fact that, down here, the castle must be connected to the Black Lake in some way, but here he has the physical proof to show him that it is. Behind the maybe-glass, they have a view of a part of the Black Lake, clear and unfiltered, as if they’re a part of it themself. It must be charmed in some way to only show peaceful life, or maybe it adapts to one’s mood, but there are no angry merpeople to be seen, no fighting aquatic creatures. Only colorful fish and bright plants, going about their night. 

If Matteo would’ve had to judge this experience before actually living it, he wouldn’t have expected it to be as peaceful and instantly calming as it is, but it feels like his entire body has been purified of bad influence and negative emotions. 

When Matteo then turns his head to look at David, he realizes David is already looking at him. He already was at a loss for words, but David’s gaze heavy on him only makes them harder to find, so he just returns the gaze, hoping he can convey all that he’s feeling. David seems to get it, because he smiles and pushes himself off the doors he was leaning on to observe Matteo take everything in. 

‘So, we’re actually underwater right now?’, Matteo asks because he almost can’t believe this is actually a room that’s quietly been existing for years and he never knew about it. 

David nods. ‘That means that we can’t breathe technically.’ 

There’s a challenge in David’s eyes that says he’s thinking of the same thing Matteo is. Ever since the snowball fight, David had been roping Matteo into all kinds of childish but fun contests. He’s too competitive for his own good, but Matteo never minds. Even if he doesn’t feel the same burning need to be the best at everything the way David does, he still enjoys it. ‘Bet I can hold my breath longer than you.’ 

David raises his eyebrows and does that head tilt of his, then says: ‘You’re on.’ 

Matteo sucks in a breath, and David follows suit and suddenly there’s a tension in the air that’s making Matteo’s heart beat faster and goosebumps raise on his skin. David gets closer to him, takes a big step until he’s right in front of Matteo and looks him right in the eyes, all the while holding his breath. 

Anticipation builds in Matteo’s chest when he catches David look down at his lips and back up into his eyes. He doesn’t dare hope for too much, but all the signs are pointing towards one thing and he can’t help it. 

He almost forgets he’s holding his breath in between all the emotions swirling inside of him, but he’s pulled back by his burning lungs telling him he doesn’t have much time left.

David takes another smaller step towards Matteo and then he puts one of his hands on Matteo’s cheek and when it’s clear he’s not moving for anything right now, there’s a warm set of lips landing on his own and it feels so much better than anything his imagination has ever been able to come up with. 

Matteo gives in and exhales. 

***

Almost everything about Matteo’s current situation is familiar. The warm herb-filled scent wafting through the air and touching upon some of his earlier memories that are buried deep within, but wake up when stimulated correctly. The hot steam on his hands when he drains his pasta water in the large sink. The not-too-quiet quiet of the enormous Hogwarts kitchen. The comfort he feels when doing something he enjoys and knows he’s pretty good at. The recipe he’s been mentally following for years, except for the little things he likes to add from time to time to change it up and see what the result is. 

He’s not taking that last step this time, though, because he needs it to be perfect and he’s not about to risk fucking up because he decided to experiment with some new herb he’s not familiar with. Contrary to most nights that he finds himself here by himself, this time has to be perfect because there’s one thing that’s unfamiliar about this entire situation, that’s incidentally also the one factor that turns this entire thing upside down. Because this time, sitting on the counter, next to Matteo, leaning his head on the wall and looking at Matteo with genuine interest and affection in his eyes, is David. 

David whose lips Matteo is now familiar with. David whose lashes brush Matteo’s cheek when he deepens a kiss. David who’s been playing with Matteo’s hand whenever he has time between pasta making. David David David. 

Who is the reason Matteo’s heart feels like it hasn’t stopped jumping and down since they arrived in that lake room, two hours ago. Since they kissed and kissed some more and talked a bit and then kissed again, before Matteo asked if David was hungry. He’d taken him to the corridor behind the Hufflepuff common room, and when stopping to tickle the pear on the portrait blocking the kitchen entrance, had made light fun of David’s dramatic declaration earlier, by saying ‘welcome to Hufflepuff’s worst kept secret’, head tilt and all, before pushing open the entrance and leading David inside. 

Apparently David had heard about the secret entrance before, but had just never seen a reason to come in here, as he didn’t see the point of bothering the house elves and definitely not being a good enough cook to make his own food. He’d been properly impressed, though, at the sight of Matteo expertly and with ease pulling down pots and ingredients from the shelves and cupboards without thinking about it, the kitchen well-known to him after the many times of seeking refuge here. 

David had settled on the counter, content to watch Matteo do his thing and occasionally pull him over to give him a kiss before releasing him again. Matteo expected to feel self-conscious or maybe uncomfortable with someone -- not just someone, but _David --_ observing his every move and giving him their undivided attention, but somehow he really isn’t. He feels good in David’s presence, and while he might blush whenever David shows his appreciation for Matteo’s work and the way he moves, whenever he looks over and sees a hungry look on David’s face and not just for the food, it feels nice. His heart is beating and his face feels hot, but he’s not shaking and he’s breathing normally. It’s a strange mixture of feelings that are hard to classify, but ultimately result in a state of being Matteo doesn’t want to leave. It’s a bit like floating, or hovering in the air behind David on his broom, or the first time he consciously did magic, exhilarating and wonderful and _magical_ , but also like it was the only thing he was ever meant to do, like that was the missing part that made something in his life fit right again. 

‘Why don’t you use magic to do that?’, David asks at one point, when Matteo turns on the stove. His wand has been shoved in his back pocket since he started and not once has Matteo felt the need to take it out. If he’s being truthful, he’d almost forgotten it was there. Yes, magic has always felt like the missing piece in his life, but he can live without it and often prefers doing things manually. He likes the feel of the vegetables under the knife in his hands, the rhythmic dance of the way his body moves through the kitchen to get various things to their right place. He doesn’t know why, but it makes him feel like he has a purpose and as long as he’s lost in the stream of cooking, he doesn’t have to think of anything else.

He’s guessing that’s something hard to grasp for someone like David, who was born with parents who practically shoved a wand in his hands the minute he came out of the womb, who grew up with magic ingrained into every single detail and act in his life, who’s never been taught to do anything without magic. It must be weird to him to imagine some things feel better to Matteo when they’re done the muggle way. 

‘I was taught to cook by my mother and grandmother who are both muggle, so I don’t really know how to do it differently. And it feels good, like I’m actually making something myself.’

David nods. Like Matteo had expected, it doesn’t seem like he fully gets it, but the fact that he likes muggle art and would even like to make some himself, indicates that he has to get a part of it at least, and that’s enough for Matteo. 

He doesn’t answer for a moment, before he says: ‘I’ve never cooked anything in my life.’ 

‘I’ll teach you someday if you want.’

David nods and smiles at Matteo, big but a bit shy, too, like maybe Matteo isn’t the only one feeling how special this moment is. Matteo’s learned to look past David’s tough, confident exterior and notice the signs that indicate that this is just as special, just as breathtaking to him as it is to Matteo. 

They’re quiet for a moment, Matteo adding garlic to the pan of oil and making the kitchen smell like a fragment of his earliest memories. He’s getting a bit lost in the movements, although he’s still very much aware of David sitting on the counter and observing him, but it’s a good silence, Matteo’s favorite kind. The kind that feels like comfort and safety, like a third party in the room filling his body and mind with peace. Matteo could stay that way forever, but he notices David starting to look at him in a more contemplative way, instead of simply with interest and care. He doesn’t want to push him, though, and is getting a bit flustered at the way David is taking him all in like he’s looking for something on Matteo’s body, but before he can say anything about it, David beats him to it and seemingly decides on saying what he’s thinking instead of keeping quiet.

‘So’, he says, sucking in his lips before releasing them again. ‘Why did you used to hate me?’ 

The question hangs loud in the big kitchen. Matteo is a bit taken aback, hasn’t thought of his negative feelings surrounding David in quite a while, and is in no way prepared to deal with them right now, let alone _talk to David_ about them. He doesn’t think he fully gets the entire scope of what he was feeling at the time, and it feels all too vulnerable to put his mess of internal life out there for David to dissect and decide it’s too much work after all. 

‘Because you hated me’, he says eventually, because he can’t just ignore the question. It’s not like he ever tried to hide his less than positive image of David. This seems like a safe enough answer, not too deep into his psyche, but not a lie either. 

He’s not looking at David, so he can’t tell what his face is doing, pretending instead to be very focused on the cutting of the basil. It’s only when David answers: ‘I never hated you, Matteo’, that he looks up from the cutting board, into David’s frowning face. 

It’s the _Matteo_ that does it, really, the sound of his name on David’s tongue so intimate, and still so careful, just like at the start, even now after that same tongue has been acquainted with a much more intimate part of Matteo. It’s the realization that David doesn’t suddenly see this as being less precious now that they’ve taken it a step farther. He still treats his name like he’s being trusted with something infinitely valuable by being allowed to take it in his mouth. 

He’s frowning like he’s confused where Matteo is even coming from, like it’s not obvious and Matteo doesn’t know how to make it clear that it is. 

‘But’, now he’s frowning. ‘You’re friends with Leonie and Sara.’

‘So?’, David asks and he looks genuinely confused, which is making Matteo doubt every single thing he’s believe to be true over the past years. _So_ , he treated Sara terribly while he figured himself out. So, he broke up with her over owl post because he was too much of a coward to do it face-to-face. So, yes he was having a rough time at home and with his identity, but that doesn’t excuse the shitty way he treated her. So, while Sara has softened to him a bit, Leonie has never truly forgiven him.

But David knows all this. Most people heard all about what an asshole Matteo Florenzi was about two years ago when the wound was still fresh, and Matteo’s never felt like it was anything less than deserved. Why shouldn’t the entire school be aware of how useless and selfish and terrible he really is.

But. No, he’s apologized and he’s worked on himself. He’s a better person now than he was back then and anyway, that’s not the point at the moment. David is. David who obviously doesn’t believe he’s useless. 

‘I don’t know.’ 

‘You and Sara broke up two years ago and she’s completely over it.’ 

‘Leonie isn’t.’ 

‘Leonie’s…’, David looks up at the ceiling trying to think of the right word to use, slightly shakes his head when he finishes, ‘protective of Sara.’

There’s something in the way David says the word like he really means something else, and the way he’s not quite looking at Matteo like he regrets what he said already, that’s making Matteo’s brain make a connection he wasn’t expecting. ‘Wait.’

‘Shit.’ David must realize what conclusion Matteo has come to. 

‘Leonie and Sara?’ Matteo almost can’t believe it. 

‘I shouldn’t have said anything and I _won’t_ say a word more.’ 

But it’s no use. Matteo almost can’t believe it, but it makes sense in a strange way. The way they interact with each other, the looks and glances, how Leonie always seems ready to jump into battle when it comes to Sara, no matter how small the matter. It’s not that hard to image, after all. ‘Huh.’ 

‘But back to my question, what did I ever do to you?’ 

Matteo had almost forgotten what they were originally talking about, but he’s snapped back in a second. He sighs, knowing he can’t justify not answering the question truthfully and realizing he’s not actually that worried about it as he thought he was. He doesn’t think David is going to come to the conclusion that he doesn’t like Matteo after all, or that he won’t take it seriously. He’s been scared of that outcome numerous time since they started talking, but his expectations have never been fulfilled. Every time, David has surprised him and taken him seriously, listened to him with so much care, and not only understood what he was saying, but seemed to genuinely care about what he was saying. Why should this be any different? 

So, he sets his knife down, turns down the heat to let the sauce simmer and faces to David. ‘I always had the feeling that everything came so easy to you, and you were so cool it felt like you were constantly judging me for being stupid and lazy and --’

David starts shaking his head as soon as Matteo mentioned the judging and cuts in before he has the chance to elaborate. ‘But I’ve -- I never thought any of those things.’

‘Yeah, I know. That was my own mind fucking with me, I know this.’ Matteo shrugs. ‘It didn’t really help that you always acted so cold towards me while you had no problem socializing with anyone else.’

At his words, David taken on an expression Matteo wasn’t expecting. He goes from confused to something between embarrassed and remorseful. He’s looking at the ceiling again. ‘God. Okay’, he says, like he’s bracing himself for something. 

‘What?’ Now Matteo is really curious. 

David sighs and looks at Matteo again, before saying, as mumbled and near ininteligible as Matteo when he’s embarrassed, in a long string of words: ‘The reason I acted that way is because I’ve had a crush on you since… I can’t even remember, Matteo,’

‘Huh?’ He’s seriously doubting that he heard that correctly. There’s no way he actually just said that. 

‘Yeah.’

‘Wow.’ The confession is knocking down so many things Matteo believed to be true, and his head is spinning with what this means, busy rearranging every memory. ‘Well, to be fair, the reason I was so affected by you was probably at least partly for some gay reasons, too, now that I think of it.’ Which is also true, and just a bit less unbelievable than David’s declaration as David is. All of that. And Matteo is decidedly not. 

David lets out a soft, unassuming laugh. Matteo’s not saying anything more, though. David just looks at him, as patient as ever as he mulls this over and tries to make these new pieces of information fit into his view of the world. 

After a while, David takes Matteo’s hand in his and pulls him towards him until he’s standing in between David’s legs who’s still sitting on the counter. 

‘I’m sorry I made you feel like that’, he whispers, faces so close to each other Matteo can feel his breath on his lips. 

Matteo just shrugs, all the while trying to hide how affected he still is by David’s close proximity, like they didn’t spend the last three hours entwined. ‘It wasn’t your fault, mostly my own insecurities blurring reality.’ 

It’s still a bit weird to be allowed this now, but then David kisses him, slowly and quickly enough not to get lost in it. He rests his forehead on David’s, which is quickly becoming one of his favorite forms of intimacy, one he didn’t anticipate. ‘And I’m sorry I’m just too hot to handle. Can’t be helped.’ 

David rolls his eyes so hard, for a second all Matteo can see is the white of his eyes, before he pushes away his face. Matteo’s still laughing when not two seconds later, David pulls him back in. There’s a smile twinkling in his eyes, and even the corners of his lips are turned up just a little bit. 

‘You’re so annoying’, he mutters, not giving Matteo the time to answer before he kisses him again, this time longer than the previous time. Deeper, too. Matteo can’t believe he gets to have this. It feels too good to be true, better than he’s felt in a very long time, longer than he can remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments make me really happy and hopefully the next part won't take as long. Thank you for your patience <3
> 
> Support trans people: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/blacktrans-queer?tandembox=show , https://subversivelystitched.tumblr.com/post/623665878441082880/saw-this-on-facebook-and-am-keeping-the-momentum , https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Introduction
> 
> Support the BLM movement: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ , https://moreblminfo.carrd.co/ , https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EqYAIm_FYW1_C4N55zrtCnmOh54AIUSHVgKvhCHk_9g/edit
> 
> And I'm sure you can find much more very quickly. (i don't know how to format author's notes, I'm sorry)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and maybe until next chapter! I am strangely nervous to be publishing my first multi chaptered fic, but I promise it gets better  
> You can also find me on tumblr @vlindervin7


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